self described and self defined

i wrote half an essay in 20mins today when it’s not even due for another 4 weeks, reblog this to have a productivity lightning bolt strike you like it did me today

how did I never once think to use tape fuck

one time as a kid I forcefully shoved two magnets together, and these were the strong magnets my dad used in his shop to pick-up missing little metal bits, and I held them really tightly in the palm of my hand, went up to this one kid who legit said things like “I think black cats are bad, they should be drowned” and drew crosses on the notebooks of kids if she found out they didn’t go to church, I told her “Hey. I’m a witch. If you don’t stop trying to hurt animals and picking on kids, I’ll use my magic to throw you into the sky”, and when she dared to doubt my powers I told her that I had two “rocks” in my hand that I could send across the playground, then I opened my hand the the magnets shot off in two different directions (we were over in a spot that was empty, so no other kids were around, nobody got hurt), one of them stuck to a drainpipe and the other stuck to a fence. This kid SCREAMED, and ran to the office, and I guess had her mom pick her up from school, and then she wasn’t there for a couple of days, finally her mom called my house and claimed I had “traumatized her daughter by performing a terrifying magic trick”, and when my parents asked what I did I just said “I showed her a magnet and she flipped out. She’s not gonna be happy when she finds out about gravity, either”. eventually this kid came back to school and always made a point to come up to me and say “Hey, my mom told me not to talk to you!”, and would just be like “Good job, you already screwed that up”

Holy shit

i wrote half an essay in 20mins today when it’s not even due for another 4 weeks, reblog this to have a productivity lightning bolt strike you like it did me today

can’t believe ‘coco from foster’s home for imaginary friends was born from a starving child’s dying dream as they spiraled into desperate insanity after getting stranded on an island’ isn’t an edgy theory but something the creator just casually brought up on his deviantart

What the FUCK CRAIG?!?!?

are you just gonna leave out the fact that she lays eggs that contain random goodies? The child’s desperate, broken mind made something that could give them the supplies they needed, even if they didn’t know what it was.

This still fucking cracks me up

Like who has this kind of time

why do people think that planned parenthood is this dimly lit back alley clinic where witches live and they love to just hand out free abortions like…. it’s a regular doctors office. You can get condoms there. I’ve never even seen a witch there

with your support we can ensure every planned parenthood has a certified witch on staff

Simbofication