Untitled is the Title

goodbye chiikawa

This is me when I read:

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

i feel like rose probably went for the heaviest option available, so like a 40 pounder, so it does have some good heft to it

and what he's doing is just teasing shane to lighten the mood, but person at the coffee shop behind him in line is just

and this then backfires on him SO FAST.

now weighted blanket brands are sending shane pr trying to get him to mention them/show them off in a picture, and ilya is now fucking SURROUNDED by mistresses all competing for his husband's attention. BULLSHIT. HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED.

weighted blanket eleven comes in the mail and ilya goes live on instagram just FURIOUS. the frame is him in front of a PILE of weighted blankets and he is just

"enough! enough of this! are too many in our house. is like being fucking-shane, what is word? people in utah, they have many wives?"

shane in the background, not fully paying attention: "mormons?"

"those! we are not mormons! household is FULL. marriage is FULL. stop this! every single day i look and there are more enemies in this house."

"every single day i look and there are more enemies in this house" goes viral as a sound for people surrounded by clutter/pets/etc.

Ilya, as the captain of the gayest NHL team, is asked for comment on this. Of course, this is half way through the season while the Cens are sitting first in their division and second in the league. So Ilya says, “Ah, yes, I can see how he would think that. It seems unfair that being queer is clearly such an advantage for hockey players. We are just much better players, and having so many of us on one team, while very fun and nice for us, does seem to be putting us above everyone else in the standings. Perhaps more teams could play well if they had gay players? The Admirals are okay, but they only have one and we have four, so it is not quite fair.”

There is a rampant debate online over whether Ilya actually understands that the original comments were homophobic or if he genuinely believes that people think gay guys are too good at hockey. People also start speculating about who the fourth gay player is because Luca hasn’t actually come out publicly yet.

Scott Hunter has to put out a statement that he doesn’t believe his homosexuality has had any impact, positive or negative, on his athletic ability even though he believes being out of the closet and in a fulfilling relationship has made it easier to focus on the game.

Troy posts a tweet that just says “got gayer and got better”

they're unwinding for the day together just casually playing footsie while doing their own thing on either end of the couch and then ilya just says something in passing without thinking about it, feels shane go very still, and looks up to see shane make eye contact and slooooowly start pulling his feet away