Sol ☀️

if it wasn’t for some kind of brain disease, we would all have forgotten this punchline. everyone say thank you some kind of brain disease

if i could make new genitals, im thinking to add one with a eye, maybe some teeth

No, Aperture Science, I do not.

If you like socialism so much, move to Lazytown and see how much you actually like it. Fucking idiot.

Ain’t it something that @staff decided to have a pride flag show up for their like button gimmick that’s a botched progress flag which leaves out the trans stripes? Go on like this post, see the three colors missing??? What’s that all about ???

Every pride, you must reblog this. No exceptions

I love that four different people on my feed scheduled this joyous person to reblog by 8am on June 1. I look forward to seeing this a dozen more times today.

Work it grandma

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

at some point in your life you will be making whipped cream from heavy whipping cream in a mixer. You might end up going "this isn't creamy enough" when it is already making peaks and you keep going and BOOM it's butter now

@psilocybe--semilanceata

i don’t think there’s anything funnier than saying “god forbid women do anything” in response to women doing the most objectively horrifying actions possible.

what's this 'wife' business? nobody calls him Prince-Consort Mario

if Bowser kidnapped my plumbing client, I would be saying “wahoo” as long as those hours were billable

I think that the Hamilton musical is objectively the funniest thing that could happen to that man's memory. Imagine dying of a gunshot wound infection in 1804 and learning from the afterlife that tweenage girls in 2017 are drawing thousands upon thousands of images of you making out with your fellow congressmen because someone wrote a 2-hour rap opera about you. I like to imagine that Hamilton found a monkey's paw and wished to leave a legacy, and this is what it did to him.

you don't control who lives who dies who tells your story