welcome to my side of reality

If humans were kept as pets by another species, we wouldn’t be allowed to eat a lot of stuff we normally eat because it’s bad for our health.

The first person to have two world records must have infinite records (first person to have two records; first person to have three records; and so on).

People pay thousands for genetically inferior in-bred dogs, while genetically superior mixed-gene dogs are cheap

When you need to use royalty free music but can’t find any you like so you make your own but then you remember you don’t know how to compose music but you spent all this time making it and you’re not turning back now

At least it fits with the Halloween theme

The point isn’t to date someone who likes all the exact same things as you but to date somebody who isn’t a complete fuck and won’t mock you or your interests just because you don’t share them

Also someone who wants to know & care about your interests

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

A++ addition

I LOVE THIS

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

@thebibliosphere As a bard I think you should see this

I’m not a tit for tat person. Don’t care if it took you 5 hours to respond. Probably been busy. Texting you back right away cuz I’m available n I miss you.

Yes but damn does it still hurt. Knowing you’re the one who wants to prove that the other person is priority b/c people need people!!!

Can we as millennials and gen-z’s collectively agree that NObody Cares about elbows on the table like Why was that Ever A Problem for Anyone?? We can chill right?

2 .but chewing with your mouth open is still gross and bad. keep that locked up

I’LL SIGN THIS

Isn’t it weird how you can actually feel the pain in your chest and stomach when something really hurts your feelings

This is actually because it activates your vagus nerve! Basically your body goes “we are so upset! We must be injured! Where???? On the inside guts! Those are confusing and hard to differentiate!!! Confusing guts are hurt!”

Great! How do I uninstall it?

“great! how do i uninstall it?” carries the same vibe as “thanks! i hate it” but more ACTIONABLE bc we gettin our shit together in 2k18

“Where are you” has probably never been asked in sign language

Why do anons keep on sending me beautiful compliments and confessions only for me to never hear from them again and have no way of finding out who they are? Like what kinda hell is this

Love

@studentlifeproblems

I had no idea giant porcupines made fucking precious sounds

Omgggg the sounds.

Teddy is back on my dash and all is right with the world