Sicarius

Study with malleus

⚡︎ 🙶Feels like an Overdose.🙷 ⚡︎

And I want it to end.

Context: Yuu's not normal, and that fact caught up to them

TW(s): I mention sedatives a LOT. it's what the mini-fic revolves around

Extra(s): Another one shot I never finished. It's old, meaning the writing is eh. but. 🤷‍♀️

Yuu really wishes they had their daily dose of sedative right about now

AND THEY KNOW HOW THAT SOUNDS, OKAY!? YOU DON’T GOTTA TELL THEM.

Yuu sighs and drags their shaky hands down their face, surely agitating the already bloodshot eyes and causing their eyelids to twitch once more. They’re glad nobody’s A: noticed the behavior, or B: if they did, came up to ask. They don’t think they’d know where to start in explaining.

And Yuu is especially glad that Grim just took the explanation; “It’s a my world thing.”

He just took it, no questions asked. And Yuu can not be more grateful. 

How do they explain to their (maybe child mentality) cat of a partner that–oh yeah! My world popped a ley line open so now a portion of the population has superpowers and Yuu’s is the ability to have their fight or flight response meter turned up to eleven! How do they explain that their body has been genetically altered to be able to keep up with just how much adrenaline their body pumps out in just a minute!? How does one explain that!? So, Yuu stays quiet about the whole thing, letting Grim blurt out the almost truth that they told him, hoping that no one thinks to question it, or the many habits Yuu cannot squash.

One being, the constant use of sedatives back home, that translated into having to get used to the lack of them here in Twisted Wonderland. Because it would be too suspicious if Yuu just asked for sedatives, so they just have to deal with it.

And they do, eventually. Before Vil’s overblot had happened, Yuu got used to hiding shaky hands with a quick change of their position, walking with their hands clasped lazily behind their back, the gloves hiding a bit of the shaking. Yuu got used to excusing their blood shot eyes for allergies and not sleeping on time. Yuu got used to rearing back on flooding their system with adrenaline nearly every P.E class. They got used to it.

Did Vil immediately work on trying to better their appearance when the VDC event rolled around, ignoring their reasonings of, “My hair’s just a bit gray!” or “This is a normal weight. For me, at least.”

Oh, how mad he would be if he found that a good portion of Yuu’s appearance could be easily fixed should they add a training regime to their schedule that would knock a normal person out cold, but give them the after-work out glow they once had.

But! No, Yuu has to maintain a low profile and suddenly working out in insane ways is not discrete whatsoever. 

In the meantime, while they try to figure something out, Yuu will have to deal with their fluctuating weight, gray hairs, bloodshot eyes, shaky hands, fatigue, restlessness, bodily tension, migraines, sleeping problems, and stomach pain for now.

Yuu mentally goes over the list once more, and frowns at the length.

Add ‘horrible immune system’ to the list, because this cold is killing them. They normally don’t get sick, and when they do, it’s not this bad.

But! At least, the cold has some benefits.

The cold gives them shaky-er hands, which Yuu can pump some adrenaline to take care of quickly. Welcome back, steady hands, Yuu missed you.

Yuu can–temporarily–pass off their blood shot eyes as simply watery. They don’t have to worry about appearing like they’re experiencing fatigue or discomfort, because a quick surge of adrenaline will have them appearing as lucid as ever. Even though Yuu feels like they’re dying.

With a quick surge of adrenaline ever so often, Yuu’s looked better than ever! Just as long as Vil doesn’t catch wind of their ‘normal’ appearance, Yuu will be just fine.

Then, Yuu went to P.E. and began to damn the universe.

Because, of course, Vargas is making them run the track, what else would they do while everyone is in the air on their brooms? It’s not like they could just sit and everything be peaceful for a bit for them. Noooo.

Yuu misses their doses of sedatives, because the part of their brain that controls the adrenaline starts to kick into overdrive when they begin to run.

They can’t stop, not if they want Vargas to see the slow return of the shaky hands, now growing to encompass their whole body. No, they have to hide their growing symptoms of adrenaline rush, as they breathe erratically while trying to rear back the reins of their adrenal glands.

Their glands don’t listen and Yuu can’t stop their legs from pumping to go faster.

The worst part is the exhilarated feeling in their chest while a grin grows on their face to reflect it. This feels so good, releasing the adrenaline in bursts after so long of having to just deal with it. Yuu has to hold back the excited sound in their chest as their body takes them even faster.

Adrenaline just keeps on flowing, happy to assist this moment of freedom that Yuu has. The class is distracted, Vargas is distracted, who cares if Yuu runs loose for a little while?

Yuu stumbles, once, and realizes their mistake. 

They stumble, face slamming into the ground, and a resounding crack fills their ears, fighting to be heard of the sound of Yuu’s head pounding.

They fall onto the ground, face locked with a wide eyed expression, and Yuu can feel the exact moment their adrenaline comes to a head, can feel the exact moment where they enter cardiac arrest.

With the last few seconds of consciousness they have, they do the practiced motion of preparing a surge of adrenaline, planning to kick start their heart. It’ll hurt, and they’ll feel like shit afterward, but it’s better than dying.

Their mouth opens uselessly, trying desperately to intake air into their lungs, but their muscles are starting to relax, enjoying the feeling of calm after months of retaining tension. Yuu feels the adrenaline-induced tension leave their body, and feels their mind slipping.

Yuu kickstarts the adrenaline uselessly, too out of practice and body no longer used to the abuse it used to get from itself. 

Yuu miscalculated, and now they’re going to die. Because their own body couldn’t keep up with the adrenaline as well as it used to.

Their body starts to convulse, trying to restart their heart naturally, but it’s useless. Yuu’s body is unused to the natural order of things, but also to the chaotic flow of its own adrenaline, which Yuu used to thrive in.

Yuu is going to die. In a damn P.E. field!

With their last precious seconds of consciousness, they strain their hearing, listening as the familiar thump of someone landing from their broom a bit too hard is heard, close to them.

Hands appearing, shaking them softly, calling their name. Yuu wants to respond, but black is starting to overtake their vision and is adamant on getting Yuu to give in to the soft blanket of unconsciousness.

Abruptly, the hands are torn away, replaced by ones that quickly check their pulse, and quickly presses their hands on Yuu’s chest.

It’s been a while since someone has performed CPR on Yuu. But it hasn’t been long enough to have them forget the feeling of having their chest pushed in with ample amount of first, over and over, until Yuu feels the slight crack of one of their ribs.

Yuu’s eyes are starting to close, but they have time to see who’s performing the painful chest compressions before they black out.

Ah. Vargas. They’re not gonna have ribs by the time this is over.

Yuu’s eyes slip shut, and unconsciousness pulls them under.

Antiseptic fills their nose, and Yuu immediately knows that they aren’t in the school infirmary. Rather, a proper hospital. Which is understandable, Yuu doesn’t think that Night Raven has the expertise to deal with a student whose heart stopped.  

They groan, sitting up and ignoring the feeling of tubes in their arm, actually, no, scratch that.

Yuu zeros in on the bags of sedative attached by tubes to their arm, reading the marked labels and sighing when they predictably don’t recognize any of them.

Stupid new world and it’s odd use of chemical names. But they guess their world isn’t any better.

Shaking their head, they mentally check their adrenaline levels and notice that, because of just how much sedative is being pumped into their veins, the levels are higher than what Yuu normal keeps them(read: forces them) to be at. Of course, their adrenal glands are combating the effects, creating this odd form of delicate balance in their body.

In other words, Yuu feels…normal. Like, before their ability-activated normal.

“Huh.” Because what else do they say to finally feeling fine after months of being on edge due to adrenaline?

They swing their legs over the edge of the hospital bed, steadying their legs before standing. Yuu quickly checks the back of the hospital gown, sighing with relief when they see it’s a full gown, not one with a huge slit in the back.

Yuu went to a hospital with those once. Never went back.

With a shudder from the memory, they steady themselves once more, before approaching the door. The nearer they get to it, the more they can hear the quiet, yet fervent, of…

Yuu looks at the door with a disgruntled expression. They’ve never heard Crowley sound so…worried. It’s disturbing, but oddly…endearing?

Yuu still doesn’t know if they should allow their lack of parental figure influence their choice of adult in their life, but hey! Crowley isn’t too bad. Yuu’s met worse!

Leaning closer to the door, Yuu catches snippets of their conversation.

“...and you’re certain they’re alright?”

“....all scans….all clear…so odd…No magic?”

“...none…how…”

“...don’t know…kept on…sedatives…doses 5 milligrams each morning…” That’s when Yuu decided to step in, opening the door and poking their head out.

“Sorry to interrupt, but my body surpassed 5 milligrams a long time ago. Unless the sedatives here are much stronger, my go to is usually 8 to 10 milligrams of mild sedatives to keep me at steady level for at least six hours.”

Both Crowley’s and the doctor’s heads snap in their direction, eyes wide. For Crowley, it’s relief, and once again Yuu finds themselves questioning why they’re fond of this man. For the doctor, it’s pure horror.

“H-How are you awake!?” The doctor pushes them back into the room, plopping them back down on the bed. They check the drip chamber, checking the flow rate, once, twice, thrice, and then looking at Yuu with increasing medical-horror.

“Uh, don’t worry! This is normal! The adrenaline’s being pumped as fast as the sedatives are working and–”

“Creating balance in your body.”

Yuu looks at Crowley, noticing his interested look, curious even. They nod as confirmation, and Crowley continues.

“Is there not any way to cease the flow of adrenaline?” Yuu shakes their head. “I’ve tried, but the most I can do is make it as slow as possible and just tire myself out through other activities. 

“So that’s why you’re used to running yourself so ragged.”

Yuu shoots Crowley a small glare, which he responds with a simple shrug. “You think I haven’t noticed, when it is quite the opposite.”

Yuu rolls their eyes, focusing on the doctor once more. They’re flipping through papers attached to their clipboard, reading quickly and muttering to themselves. Then, they check the machines and their readings, triple checking even.

“Let me guess, everything seems to be normal? The adrenaline probably kicked in before the sedatives were administered and kicked the healing factor into overdrive. Most likely, physically, I was starting to recover before you restarted my heart.”

The doctor pauses, looking them over and just…staring.

Crowley’s eyes flick between the both of them, before he clears his throat.

“So, those sedatives?”

The doctor shakes their head, a tired expression on their face. “Yes…the doses, as Yuu suggested, will be upped to 10 milligrams instead of five, seeing as their perfectly lucid even though…”

Their eyes trail to three bags of sedatives dripping into the tube's connected to Yuu's arm. 

“...that.”

A shudder runs through the doctor and they give Yuu a quick check up, deeming everything fine other than expected fatigue. They gather their things quickly, checking the machines and bags of medicine once more, before shuffling out of the room.

“I know what you're going to say. Ask. Whatever. And I just want you to know that–”

Yuu pauses, unsure how to continue their explanation. Crowley watches them with an eyebrow raised, hands behind his back.

“Know what? That you had a good reason behind not informing me of a crucial medical condition?”

“...it's not a condition. Just…sit,” Yuu pats the bed next to them, scooting to make room for Crowley to sit. He does so, hand folded in his lap as he looks at them expectantly. Yuu brings their knee up to rest on the bed and shifts to face him better.

“Then, what is it, Prefect?”

Yuu sighs heavily, and instinctually flips their wrist to check their pulse. It’s a habit they never wore off from when they were younger. They’ve had to come up with excuse after excuse when someone gets too curious and asks. 

“...have I ever spoken to you about the intricacies of my world?” Yuu speaks softly, watching the headmage’s reaction. Yuu knows the answer, but they still want to hear it from him..

“No, you refrain from speaking of your world.” Crowley tilts his head and the yellow dots Yuu sees through his mask narrow. “Is there a…reason for that?”

Oh boy. Well, here goes Yuu.

They should really stop all this mental chatter.

“...You have powers.” “Yes.” “Because of an accident involving the leylines in your world.” “Yes.”

“And about sixty percent of the population doesn’t have abilities. Therefore, there are specialized facilities and services for…your people.”

“The Gifted, yeah.”

“And yours in particular, is to control your adrenaline levels at any given moment. Which you’ve had…since you were eleven years old. And have had many incidents like this one since your ability’s upbringing.”

“Yep.”

Crowley’s yellow eyes disappear and reappear repeatedly, and Yuu guesses that he’s blinking rapidly as he processes everything they just told him. Yuu didn’t think he blinked at all. He never seems to. “...I hope you understand that this is hard to believe–that is not an invitation to activate your adrenal glands! –Prefect! Stop it!”

might actually rewrite this one...love this concept. also, can we see the color gradient in the text or does it just look like one color?