which would you rather find living in your attic:
1000 roaches
a person
this is truly on god the first would you rather that i've ever had to devote significant thought to. neither of these answers feel good
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@shitttyknights
which would you rather find living in your attic:
1000 roaches
a person
this is truly on god the first would you rather that i've ever had to devote significant thought to. neither of these answers feel good

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That face you make when you’re on your way to fake surprise that two of your best bros are dating accompanied by your other best bro who you’re secretly hooking up with on the low and your best bud was supposed to go back to Boston last night but is bringing your other best bud coffee and they’re both blushing
In the tenth month of the pandemic lockdown, Bitty gets so desperate for YouTube content he starts reviewing the products sponsors and prospective sponsors send Jack:
“I asked Jack if a massage gun was really necessary but I’ve been kneading bread all day and now I can say yes, it is absolutely necessary.”
“I thought Jack was a little obsessed with the Peloton they sent over so he can keep up with his cardio at home, but then they dropped the Beyoncé ride!”
“These compression socks and recovery slides are such a welcome relief if you spend most of each day on your feet in the kitchen!”
“Y’all, I have done the Beyoncé ride five days in a row.”
“Energy gel showdown: Ranking three brands based on taste, texture, and ingredients.”
“This muscle rub smells vile but it came in handy the night Jack did five Peloton rides in a row because he wanted to increase his rank.”
“Now, you know hockey gear can get a little … ripe. But the makers of this shirt claim you can workout in it up to five times before it needs to be washed. This week, we’re going to put it to the test.”
“I just saw, with my own eyes, my fiancé put chocolate energy gel on his ice cream and eat it. Jack Laurent Zimmermann, it is 2021 and you haven’t lived in a frat house in six years. Just ask if you want me to make homemade chocolate sauce.”
I draw dumb shit on my own tho
How often do you think, after they’re living together, Bitty’s at home doing a livestream of pie baking or something and Jack walks by in the background butt ass naked after taking a shower and Bitty says in a panicked voice “Jack I’m LIVE!” and Jack goes “Oh shit” and then suddenly Zimmermann Ass is trending on twitter like that time that Chris Evans accidentally posted a dick pic on Instagram?
It’s gotta be at least once
I feel like this is a recurring thing. Not the nudity, but Jack constantly pops in on Bitty when he’s live.
“Babe I’m going for a run.”
“That great but I’m actually live right now.”
“Bits do you think we should invite Shits and Lardo over this weekend?”
“You just did beCAUSE I AM LIVE RIGHT NOW.”
“Hey bud what’re you doing, I’m hor-“
“EEEEK JACK I’M LIVE.”
Bitty’s viewers love this.

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nurseydex 10?
Ty for sending this!
10. staring at the other’s lips, trying not to kiss them, before giving in
-
Nursey stumbles to a stop, lungs burning and breathless laughter spilling from him, even as Dex crashes into his back with enough force to send him sprawling, only Dex catches him first, warm hands curling around Nursey's sides and holding him steady.
Dex's laughter huffs against the back of Nursey's neck, "Did you see their faces?" He asks, his shoulders shaking with the effort to curtail his amusement, and Dex so rarely laughs this freely, his whole body behind it, that Nursey has to see his face.
Dex's hands fall away from Nursey when he turns, but he's still near enough that Nursey could count the freckles on his nose; his laughter catches in his chest at their proximity, and he wants Dex's hands back on him, holding him steady, because the world seems to slip away from under him, and there's just the amber of Dex's eyes, the dimples in his cheeks, the warmth in his face.
The mirth leaves Dex in one quiet exhale, worry pinching his brows. "Nursey?" He asks, hands landing on Nursey's elbows in concern, searching his face, and he must sense the thrumming want hiding behind Nursey's eyes, because his gaze drops to Nursey's mouth and lingers there for a moment. "Nursey?" He repeats, voice cracking on second syllable.
"Yo." Nursey says, a smile curving his lips. He could kiss Dex, he thinks, heart thudding. It wouldn't take much, just the tilt of his head and crossing the hairsbreadth between them.
There's been other times, too, when he could have kissed Dex, and he never has. Worried, first, about breaking the fragile truce between them, and then about hurting their friendship with the depth of his feelings.
Excuses, he supposes. Flimsy things that hid that he's just afraid that Dex doesn't want him back.
Dex is still staring at him, pressure points of warmth mark where they're pressed together. Nursey glances down at Dex's lips, they're a little cracked from the cold air and Nursey spends agonising seconds convincing himself it's a bad idea.
"Nursey." Dex sounds amused, his lips are quirked at one side. Nursey hums in response. "Are you going to kiss me or what?"
"Or what." He says, the section of his brain that exists solely to fuck with Dex taking over instinctively.
The reality of Dex's words hit him, and he tangles his fingers in the material of Dex's shirt, keeping him in place, and before he can change his mind he gives into the want that's been bubbling under his skin for too long.
Dex's lips are chapped against his, and their teeth clack awkwardly, because Dex is laughing at him, the fucker, and then Dex's hands are cupping his jaw, gentle fingers nudging Nursey a little to the side, and he's being kissed with unexpected tenderness; his lips brush over Nursey's, slow and soft, like he has all the time in world for them to stay just like this.
-
Send me a number from this list and two characters and I'll write a ficlet.
HOW I MISSED THIS I DONT KNOW I CANT WAIT I LOVE HOLSOM SO MUCH IM GONNA YELL
“I’ll look into it (never does)” 😂😂😂
fic: home
Several weeks ago, as my own moving day approached, I asked for prompts and promptly got too busy to do anything about them. I started this a few weeks ago and put it aside because I had to actually move, and only just picked it back up. Thanks to @airplanesandcookies for this prompt: “maybe Jack and Bits move into their first house together.”
(Cross-posted to ao3)
Moving day came too quickly.
Back in February, when they’d first started looking at houses, June had seemed impossibly far away. Late June was the earliest they’d be able to move in, they’d reasoned, given the unpredictability of Jack’s schedule. But the months flew by and now, having just signed the final paperwork, Bitty and Jack were homeowners together.
Sure, the condo Jack had bought shortly after signing his first contract with the Falconers was technically theirs in all the ways that mattered. It had been clear, even from Bitty’s first visit as something more than a friend but not quite a boyfriend, that it was meant to be theirs — an idea that was only reinforced when Bitty had decided to stay with Jack instead of going back to Madison the summer after his junior year.
Moving in together, that first time, had almost been a non-event. By the time Bitty graduated, the majority of his things had already migrated over to the Providence condo, so he’d only had to pack a few boxes. He’d left most of his baking supplies — cheap cookie sheets and measuring cups he’d gotten at the Murder Stop and Shop — at the Haus for future residents since the apartment’s kitchen was already stocked with far nicer versions he and Jack had shopped for together (though he made sure to take the pie tin he’d used when he and Jack baked together for Atley’s class — that one had sentimental value).
They’d left those two cardboard boxes by the door and promptly gone out to dinner with their parents and friends. That first night they’d been too tired to celebrate in the way Bitty knew their friends thought they would, but as they’d drifted off to sleep Jack had snuggled close and whispered how glad he was that Bitty didn’t have to go back and forth anymore.
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This is Crazy
Check Please!
Eric Bittle/Jack Zimmermann
PorcupineGirl
4882 words
POV Outsider, Misunderstanding, Unrequited Crush, Coming out
« Andrew knows, okay? He's in the NHL now, he has to be even more careful than he was in the juniors. That's why he hasn't let his stray attraction to fellow rookie Jack Zimmermann progress any further than just that - a little stray attraction. But when he meets Jack's friend from college, Bitty, he manages to go from zero to full-blown crush in just a few minutes. Is there any way he could have a chance with the guy? »

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secrets, about ourselves
“Let’s tell each other secrets,” he said again, “about ourselves. I’ll go first. I…”
His stomach lurched, mouth tasting like the beer he’d drank and the shots he’d done downstairs. Nothing was making sense anymore and there was his roommate and best friend, sliding his stupid skinny jeans down his hips to change for bed and Dex couldn’t stand it anymore.
“I hate you,” he mumbled.
-
Nursey looked over at him, an amused grin playing around his lips. “Secrets? You got secrets over there, Poindexter?”
Dex clasped a hand to his chest. He had secrets. Didn’t everybody? That was a silly question. Of course he had secrets.
-
READ IT ON AO3
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there are five frogs staring at me right now
but only one can be america’s next top model
look i don’t give a shit how “heartbreaking” it is to disown your gay kid, you literally Do Not Have To Do That. nobody’s forcing you to abandon this person who wholly depends on you for everything and who you promised to take care of and love no matter what.
bringing this back for gay knife month
gay…. knife? month ,, ,
yes, as in the knives i have waiting for parents who disown their gay and trans kids.