Back home in Tyria

Web weave for the tragedy of Pompeii x the sundering of Etheirys

So, your landlord/parents/home inspector/favorite movie star is dropping by, and your place is a disaster. You don’t have much time to clean it up. You’re in emergency mode. Let’s get started.

Don’t panic. Panic leads to fear, fear leads to procrastination, procrastination leads to the dark side. You can do this, but you have to stay calm.

Unlike maintenance cleaning, we’re not looking to completely unfuck one space at a time. Instead, we want to decrease the overall mess in stages, spread evenly across the whole area that we’re concerned about. If you think your home is at Level 10 filth, we want to bring the whole thing down to a Level 9, and then down from there. One really clean spot in an otherwise messy home is not going to be helpful here.

Get prepared. You’ll want to shut the computer down (or turn the modem off if you need your computer to play music). Trust me. Get your music going. Gather up trash bags, your vacuum and mop, some rags or paper towel, sponges, and other cleaning supplies. Use what you have on hand. Don’t get distracted running to the store and spending an hour browsing cleaning supplies. A multi-purpose cleaning concentrate or a jug of vinegar will be just fine.

Breaks are very important. Depending on your time constraints, work in 20/10s (20 minutes working, 10-minute break) or 45/15s. But take breaks because otherwise you’re marathoning, and marathon cleaning is no one’s friend. Keep hydrated, don’t forget to eat, and check in with yourself frequently to make sure you’re physically doing OK.

Make your bed. This will be your home base if you get overwhelmed or need somewhere clear to take a break.

Start with the garbage. Going from room to room, throw out anything that is obvious trash. Once you fill a bag, take it out. Repeat as many times as necessary.

Move on to dishes. Gather the dishes from all over your house and bring them to the kitchen. If you can, start them soaking in a sink of hot, soapy water or start loading the dishwasher. After the dishes are all in one place, spend one 20/10 getting started getting them under control.

Now it’s time for your flat surfaces. Countertops, tables, dresser tops, etc. Clear them off and wipe them down. Don’t get distracted in too much sorting and organizing. We’re in crisis mode here. There will be time to get in-depth once this is all done. The same applies to cabinets and closets. Unless you have reason to believe people will be opening closed doors, leave these alone for now.

Attack the floordrobe and shoe pile. Get your clothes either put away or in the hamper. Start a load of laundry if you need to, but keep in mind that laundry and dishes have three steps: wash, dry, and put it away, goddammit!

Get random stuff up off the floors. If something is trash-worthy, throw it away now rather than just move it around a bunch of times. Otherwise, put stuff where it belongs.

Take another 20/10 or 45/15 to catch up on more dishes, if needed.

Head into the bathroom. Pour some cleaner in the toilet bowl, fill the sink with hot water and cleaner, and either spray the tub and shower with cleaner, or fill the tub up with some hot water and add cleaner and let it soak. Put everything away that’s out and shouldn’t be, clean the mirror, counters, and toilet seat. Sweep or dry mop the floor. Wipe down the sink and tub/shower, and give the toilet bowl a scrub. Mop the floor.

Sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Vacuum everything you can, and sweep everything you can’t.

Walk outside of your house (don’t lock yourself out, please). Walk back in and see what catches your eye first. Go and deal with that.

If you’re being inspected or your landlord is coming in for repairs, spend time on whatever area they’ll be focusing on.

Give the whole place one more once-over and pay attention to anything you’ve missed so far.

It’s an old trick, but if your place is a little funky-smelling, put a pan of water on the stove on low heat and add some citrus or cinnamon or vanilla. Don’t leave it unattended or forget about it.

Take a shower, put on something clean, and eat something.

You can do this. It’s overwhelming, yes, but it is not impossible. You just need to do it. You have a list. You have directions. You have a whole bunch of Internet strangers who have been there before and who are cheering you on. You can do this, but you need to get started.

This, too, is a trashed bathroom; young queer people living through hell and having precious little control over their circumstances or the world in which they exist can affect something by using the language of social justice as a cudgel on their would-be allies, as well as getting a brief feeling of power over someone else by doing it.

So in order to keep getting the full evil karma experience, every time I do something convenient or utilitarian that raises my karma I go back to Moriarty’s Saloon and just open his terminal over and over again.

everybody in the club getting baby (when 5 or more babies are fussy)

going absolute baby mode over there/he's activating baby mode (when the 10 month old is having a fit)

i play my blue eyed white baby (said when setting a specific baby on the floor)

sick 'em! (said when setting any other baby on the floor)

call her regina, she's a little bit dramatic (this is one of my go to phrases)

into the gladiator pit!/hey have you ever seen gladiator? (when two babies start wrestling/fighting) (i have not seen gladiator)

she's ready for college (when the three month old lifts her head to look around)

lock in, brother (i say this the most)

Controversial opinion incoming: I don't like the end of this book.

Like, this post really sums it up:

Animorphs is not that bad. Cassie's not related to anyone important, at least, and Jake's tie to Tom is mostly just inconvenient. HOWEVER. It's still canon that the Ellimist "stacked the deck" by recruiting Animorphs who are relatives of people like Eva and Elfangor and Tom, and the implication about ~*~superior genes~*~ is still in there.

To me, the reveal about Tobias being related to Elfangor:

Cheapens the message about these being ordinary kids — dumb jocks, bully magnets, screw-ups — who are literally in the wrong place at the wrong time when superheroism gets thrust upon them. Jake is my favorite because he cuts against type for SF heroes: he's not an outsider nerd, he's not talented; he's just some dumb jock who is also kind and brave and optimistic. Giving Tobias the classic SF backstory makes him less relatable, in my book.

Undercuts Tobias's friendship with Ax. Along with the backlash to "they're such good friends they must be in love", I'd like to start a backlash against "they're such good friends they must be related." Because it's still implying that some types of love are more valid than others. The shorms are family before they find out they share genes; do we really need that added element?

Undercuts Tobias's own call to action in the first book. Tobias makes this instant connection with a stranger from another species, in a way that Jake notes only Tobias could ever do, and it ends up pulling all five human kids into the war. There's heartbreaking power to the idea that Tobias is this overflowing with empathy and also naïveté. But whoops, nope, turns out it was a genetic connection all along!

Straight up doesn't make sense? It's a rare case where Animorphs' otherwise pretty good continuity slips up big time — Loren's three husbands, Chapman's contagious amnesia, both Tobias's parents going from "dead" to "missing", Ax's childhood suddenly being illogical. There are so many ret-con gymnastics going on that this twist doesn't feel worth it.

Loses the realism. Animorphs has my love forever for details like Marco not being able to afford admission to the Gardens and Ax fighting tears at the thought of disappointing his dad and Rachel having to be the second parent to her sisters. Tobias having a dogshit home life, just because, and using morphing as a desperate escape hatch — that's realism. That feels perfectly in line with the themes of the series. It feels like things I saw as a kid that no adult, and no other kids' book series, would talk about. Tobias having a dogshit home life because his dad's an alien prince who got time-warped off to fight a cosmic war while his mom was attacked by his dad's ancient enemies and given fantasy!amnesia because of her former role as the first human ever to be mind-controlled... Fuck off. If I wanted fantasy escapism, I'd read a different book.

Like, "Tobias is Elfangors son" feels like a twist that could be done in Animorphs (honestly, they couldve just had him leave either by choice or Andalites coming to Earth to bring him back and Lorens memory just erased by Andalite tech, thus hitting on those themes of war and duty and the Andalites kinds sucking.) But him being Elfanors son doesn't really change anything. Tobias's stories are still more about him being a hawk or being with Rachel. Even his relationship with Ax feels like it should....change more considering Tobias is his nephew. Heck, maybe it'd even be cool to see what the Andalite's as whole think on that. Like, what ARE the Andalite rules for interapecies breeding while in morph? Feels like something that should come up. Hell, how does Tobias feel about Elfangor now, since he has to ASSUME his father abandoned him and his mom to go fight the Yeerks? Resentful? Angry? Hurt? Tobias being Elfangor's son isn't really something that changes anything like it should. I'd even argue Marco's mom being Visser one has more effect because it drastically changes how Marco considers his mission in the war and his motivation.

And yes, all the other family connections pretty much get a pass from me as well. Tom's role is mostly 'surprise, kid; you thought you could ignore the war but it turns out there's already a yeerk living inside your home." And even when that yeerk does become important for the war effort, it becomes important because of Jake -- it steals the morphing cube and gets a giant promotion by holding Jake's family hostage against him. So that connection isn't coincidence. Ax is similar -- he was the only aristh on his Dome ship because he's Elfangor's little brother, not out of luck.

As you said, Eva and Marco feels more coincidental, but even then you can argue that Marco is an Animorph because of Eva. And it's a major plot point that Marco wants Visser One in particular dead. Just like it's a major plot point that Visser Seventeen* wants Jake in particular dead, just like it's a major plot point that Elfangor's death requires Ax to kill Visser Three.

Elfangor had an escafil device on his ship. There is absolutely no reason for that to be the case. He could already morph, and it was critically important that such devices not fall into yeerk hands; why would they be flying them around space? Why wouldn't they be confined to the home planet by the military? There was no reason at all to have one, unless he knew when he left that he would need it.

Elfangor didn't attempt to morph to escape or heal after crash-landing. Most people explain this away as him not wanting to provoke a search and get the kids killed, which is a reasonable explanation, but given how much of a fighter he is at heart and that he knew where the time matrix was hidden and would be expected to at least attempt a last dash for it even if he had to play distraction at the same time, I think a more reasonable explanation is that it was part of a longer strategy -- he knew that he would die there, and that was the price he was paying. He knew that he wouldn't find the time matrix in that construction site. He landed there knowing how it would play out.

Elfangor knows that Tobias is his son immediately. We're told they feel a connection to each other etc., but this is a weird thing to be certain about if you weren't informed in advance.

My opinion has always been that the Ellimist let Elfangor have a son, because he needed him to later on give his life and break one of the andalites' most sacred laws, and he needed leverage to make him agree to this. He couldn't be sure if "this planet where you once met a cool alien is in trouble" would be enough. But "your wife, who you fell in love with and spent years with, and your one and only son who needs your help, are in danger of death or enslavement and only you can give them a chance?" That's absolutely enough leverage.

We had just adopted an obese cat we thought was female named “Tiger”, turns out he was just too fat to ID the sex without getting in there.

there’s sixteen Colorado counties that their most searched was “wolf furry”, plus thirty-odd counties (not counting either Arapahoe or any of the ones marked here as “Insufficient Data”) which may well have had plenty of searches for “wolf furry”, just fewer than for whatever they’re labeled here

and “skunk furry” searches in Arapahoe County outnumbered “wolf furry” searches in the entire state of Colorado