ShiftyArchfey

Their mother picked up after them. They were not required to take plates the kitchen or do the dishes or anything like that.

My mother, who would tell you she is for equality, came home one day, sighed at the mess of dirty dishes scattered about, and said, "Gayle, help me pick up."

"Those aren't my dishes," I said. "I picked up my dishes."

My mother sighed again. "Just help me pick up."

"No," I said again. "I didn't make that fucking mess."

She never approached my brothers and said, "Boys, in this house, you take your dishes to the kitchen." She did not tell our dad, "Hey, tell the boys they need to pick up after themselves."

It was, "Gayle, pick up the dishes."

And when I refused because it was not my fucking mess, I got lectured about being difficult.

See also: My brothers--in a classic dick-move of all siblings--figured out they could pop the lock on the bathroom door and throw it open, and I would freak out because I was in the shower and trying to get five fucking minutes of peace.

You are at the grocery store. You pick up a nice, girthy zucchini. You head over to the oils and pick up a thing of olive oil. Then a packet of condoms.

Satisfied with your selections, you head to the cashier. As you place the items on the conveyor, a voice shouts: "DON'T SELL THOSE! THAT'S GOING UP A BUTT!"

And then for some reason, the cashier agrees. Then the guy who shouted, this fuckass guy in a suit, marches up to the counter and starts demanding that the store never sell any vegetables that could be put up a butt. He starts out pointing at the zucchinis and cucumbers and carrots, but you heard what he said: he's effectively banning every vegetable, just enforcing it selectively.

You ask the cashier if he's corporate or something. The cashier says no. The manager? No. He works here at least? No.

Who the fuck is he, then?

Well, the cashier explains, he's the bank manager from the next street over. He's taken up a moral crusade against vegetables that might go into rectums and if they don't obey him, he won't take anyone's paychecks or any money from any store that opposes him. And his bank is the only bank in the region, so it'd be a huge hassle for the business and the employees.

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“Grace says he would like half of dome to be water.”

“Oh, is necessary for humans to have large amounts of water question?”

Small Eridian equivalent of a sigh. “No. Not needed for life. In fact Grace will die if he falls in water and does not get out.”

“Tell him we give him water in containers that won't kill him. Lots lots lots of water on Erid for Grace to drink.”

“No. Grace say he want water on ground. Also want it with excess sodium chloride compound so it will be unhealthy for drink.”