Melikes

Dear fellow ESL speakers, be honest: how often do you find yourselves saying "yes" in your native language when speaking English to English native speakers?

Yes, the question is born out of my frustration at all the Heated Rivalry fanfictions that have Ilya saying "da" far too often and in absolutely normal situations. Sorry, but that's not how reverting to your native language works, actually.

I have been known to use my native language in the following situations (but it's Linguistics, really):

spotting a horrifying pest I am mortally afraid of: screams in native language

getting hurt: the equivalent of "ouch" in my mother tongue (sorry but when in pain I can't be expected to translate my instinctive reaction).

counting: if I count in English I focus on the words not the numbers, so it's a pointless exercise.

frustration: you know when you're trying to do something, but for some reason you're not having any success? (looking at you, demonic jar I can't open) That's when the native language comes out. It will be either a persuasive "come on!" or an angry "why won't you open you evil jar" depending on the number of attempts. It will be, invariably, in my native language.

tiredness: I barely remember my own native language when I'm tired. I'll try my best in English but be ready for grammar to go out the window and for a few choice words in my mother tongue, mostly mumbled beyond comprehension.

For balance, I should also add some other situations when I totally use my native language on purpose because of semantics, thus I whole-heartedly approve those usages in fanfiction (but it's still Linguistics, really):

terms of endearment: yes, darling and sweatheart and honey and what-not are fine. However, I will call my loved ones by names my heart resonates with on a deeper level, and that's going to be in my native language.

saying "I love you": now, the English language is awful for expressing love because you people only have ONE VERB, whereas there are MANY different kinds of love. So I will say "I love you " in my mother tongue, it's just better that way, trust me.

idioms that I love so I will teach to my foreign loved ones, with the only purpose of using them in conversation. And also because everyone needs enrichment.

insults: if you've just tried to run me over with your car while I was crossing the street with the PEDESTRIAN GREEN LIGHT ON, you bet I'll have words while you speed away. And those words will be in my native language (let's file this under fear and/or anger).

Out of all the words one could say in one's native language, "yes" it's the one word that's becoming more and more common to say in English, no matter what language one speaks. Which is why Ilya saying "da" so often in fanfics just sounds off :)

A few tags from my original post, because I totally agree with you:

getting yourself out of the hole is hard, and can feel damn near impossible at your lowest. but it isn’t impossible. i am living proof of this. nobody is responsible for your emotions but you, and if you want to be happy, you have to create your happiness. do whatever you can to surround yourself with joy. not hedonism, but actual joy. accomplishments, good relationships, engagement in healthy hobbies and habits. it can be hard, there’s no denying it, i still struggle myself sometimes. the reward is so worth it. feeling like you’re the best version of yourself is so worth it.

That is not to say that things aren’t bad where you are now- odds are, your distress is valid, and things are horrible to get you to this point. But the odds also are that you DO want to live! And keep holding on, because things will never get the chance to change if you don’t live to see it!

Things are really scary and dangerous right now, but what the powers that be WANT us to do is give up. Find a reason to keep living- even if it is simply out of spite. Find something to look forward to, no matter how small: a game or movie coming out, petting more cats/dogs/other animals, anything that helps you keep going.

right now- but why would you stop

in hell? Keep going.

she's so adorable!!!!!!!! she's welsh, she lives with her mum (ayy represent), she has trauma, she's awkward, her best friend is a fictional detective (& the actor who plays him lol)

"'fandom' is a vehicle of marginalized subcultural groups (women, the young, gays, etc.) to pry open space for their cultural concerns within dominant representations; it is a way of appropriating media texts and rereading them in a way that serves different interests, a way of transforming mass culture into a popular culture"

Jenkins, Henry. “Star Trek Rerun, Reread, Rewritten: Fan Writing as Textual Poaching.” Critical Studies in Mass Communication 5, no. 2 (1988): 85–107. https://doi.org/10.1080/15295038809366691.  

Tidbits of information - (“I graduated today!”) - and small joys (“It’s my birthday!”) and you get to be there to say “This chapter made me cry, happy birthday, thank you for gifting us this”.

I remember reading this fic of someone at the end of high school, older than me then. They seemed infinitely wise, spoke of their future career and getting into the college they wanted. I remember them posting on days they felt like nothing could bring them down - and on days the whole world did and it’s the aftermath of a hospital visit. Cancer, I think it was, their father. I got to the end of the story, I know their father was fine, but also they got to finish their WIP. I graduated three years later than them, still dutifully wrote thank you notes in every comment. I wonder if they remember me, or just the collective of people reading the story as it updates.

Four years ago I was into my first year of university, my first year of figuring out being out in public spaces. I made excuses as to why my name didn’t match my paperwork and read a fic on the train, the same five chapters over and over again for the next years as I thought the story abandoned. It updated this week after such a long hiatus, I left another thank you comment.

There’s an author I love, they update their stories like a clockwork. When they don’t, I check their blog, just to see if their doing alright, not because I feel like they owe me, just to ensure whether I better get out my laptop to write that really detailed university level essay chapter analysis to get them smiling when their day sucked.

And then, once, when I was 17, I read a fic that hadn’t updated in over a decade. I wasn’t even in primary school when it started posting. On the last chapter, I left a comment that, in retrospect, was horribly rambly and most likely full of grammar mistakes. The author replied and though I couldn’t see their face, I thought of them crying. They were married now, had children, and hadn’t thought about this fic in years. They went through their files again, found another half written chapter and an outline. I got two new chapters to read that year.

And then, recently, someone told me they got back into writing original fiction because of my comments. I get to read nearly weekly chapters.

I love binge reading a finished fic, but nothing is ever going to top the feeling of anticipation of waiting for a chapter, the pure joy when someone tells you I was done with this, but you made me think of it again, so this is for you.