I don't even know

i dont have 'shifty eyes' im just looking around my mind palace, which is much vaster and more intricate than yours. yeah you could never afford a mind palace. you have a mind villa at best

accidentally searched “is parmesan fond of me” because I was thinking about my friends at the same time as grocery shopping. now I need to know. is parmesan fond of me. how would parmesan rate my grating technique

your unreliable narrator fucking bit me

thats not how they told it

History is written by victors

yeah well Victor fucking bit me

how come they make you reinvent the concept of dinner every evening. I have to make dinner come true every evening like some kind of unpaid genie intern

why does the texas state aquarium have a crow

it works there

ok ill bite. whats hockey

Do you always get smooches and a dachshund from joining antifa? If the answer is yes, how do I?

I love your enthusiasm but have you ever seen a dachsund in your earthly life

[image description: the text “When he comes back home safely from his armed Antifa protest” above a photo of two white men in hiking clothes kissing. One wears a dog in a backpack. The dog is significantly bigger than a dachshund.]

How dare the ID be funnier than the rest of the post

Can I please see your balls I'm going through a lot right now

The king asking his jester to juggle for him after a long day

i fell in the ohio river once and that's why i still haven't had covid