Shadow_Whiskey

Good evening, friends, let me tell you some Secrets on how to argue like (and with) assholes. I’m writing this because I keep running into a particular asshole, and I need to stop engaging with them, and so this is an instruction sheet for myself as well as you guys. 

First, try to avoid assholes; they don’t deserve your time and energy. But, if an Argument is unavoidable, here are a few tips on how to emerge unscathed. 

Let go of the idea that you’re going to win. 

You’re not gonna win. Nobody wins in an argument with an asshole. But, on the other hand, you can make them lose. You can deprive them of their entertainment and their triumph. 

How??? 

Do not present your side of this debate. 

This is so counter-intuitive for most of us who believe in things like, oh, science, or real facts, or the idea that real facts can be determined by science. Here’s a cool terrible thing about humans: certainty has nothing to do with facts. And when people are certain, that is when they become assholes. 

When someone’s only goal is to win an argument, any real evidence or facts you give them is just ammunition for them to turn against you. 

You will not convince them. So what should you be doing? 

Destroy their arguments.

This is a thing of joy, because it’s what assholes are used to doing. They are, at heart, morons who don’t know how to construct, only how to destroy. 

I used to be super emotional about arguments like this. I couldn’t think of anything to say while the other person ranted on about their horrifying bigotry. Now I’m a lawyer, and I’ve learned to weaponize my essentially nitpicky nature. For money. 

So here are some easy tactics you can remember and deploy: 

- Make them define the words they use. Nitpick the definitions. 

- Turn questions back on them. If they ask you “why do you believe x”, ask them why they believe y. If they pull some “I asked first” shit, ask them why they’re afraid to defend their beliefs. 

- Call them emotional.  If possible, pick out specific emotions. This is especially devastating when you’re debating a man, as he will get more emotional as a result. 

- “Why is that funny? I don’t get it.” Making people explain mean jokes can be a delight; they just wilt the more you question them about the underlying assumptions. 

- Laugh at any especially dumb shit. Like they use some slogan or catchphrase that’s obviously untrue, due to science, or essentially ridiculous, like “we’ve made America great again,” and you just blurt out laughing. If they get mad, tell them – oh, so sorry, I’ll shut up, I’m giving you the floor to talk about your beliefs. I’m respecting you. This is a goddamn power move. It gives you the high ground, and also the implied control over the situation. The floor belongs to you, but you are yielding it to someone because you can. 

- If they make an awkward exit, let them. Especially if they call the discussion “political.” It means they’re feeling attacked. Graciously allow them to retreat with their tail between their legs. If they storm off, allow them to do that too. Congratulations; you’ve ended the argument and you don’t have to deal with it anymore. 

Basically: hand the asshole a shovel, and let ‘em dig. Relieve yourself of the burden to convince them they are wrong, and just sour their fun instead. 

–

Additionally, these are the tactics that assholes use, consciously or subconsciously, all the time. Recognize them. Once you know what they are, you can become immune to the intimidation and belittling tactics. 

43,000 notes and YET the very first fundraiser on the list's most recent donation is from SIX HOURS AGO!! Can you imagine how soul crushing it is, to beg for your own survival to callous strangers? To have your plea for help wedged in between art about animes and and bad jokes and have the latter two get more attention? Can you imagine seeing this, 43,000 people passing this thing around while nobody gives to help you escape a bomb ridden tent camp? PLEASE DONATE. THESE ARE ALL REAL PEOPLE IN MORTAL DANGER.

This was a real thing said to me when this person was going round my secondary's pride club guessing people's sexualities (if that wasn't problematic enough). They guessed I was straight and I said "no I'm aroace" to which they responded "oh, so basically straight then". For some reason it's this bit of Aphobia that's always glued to me- it circles my mind whenever I'm questioning anything. I've obviously, but not justifiably, faced more Aphobia but comments such as "not fulfilling your life's purpose", "that's not possible" and "so you're a plant" seem so much easier to brush off.

The issue lies within giving me a label that I know doesn't fit. I thought I was straight for years, just a late bloomer, before finding the term aroace. Heck, I even had a "boyfriend" for 8 years (the term used loosely as we dated from reception (age 4-5) until year 8 (12-13)). However, I had never had a crush and the time that we did kiss (it was once, on my living room floor in like year 5 so can it even be considered a kiss?) I just felt uncomfortable.

To me, the concept of a relationship and closeness seems nice but in reality, thinking about it happening to me is actually terrifying and I know I don't want one but any time a friend becomes incredibly close I go "what if I am not aroace?". All of these soon get shot down as they're all just platonic but I still get thoughts of "you're not queer, stop trying to feel special".