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voiceboss

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[Yes, I had to do it. Yes, all the voices are me. Lyrics under the cut.]

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lizluvscupcakes

I wish I could fear, because I know I’m supposed to fear this, but I’m kinda into it.

lizluvscupcakes

Wow ok lyrics are no longer below the cut so I’m just gonna-

Kermit: it’s the muppets show!

Female Chorus:

It’s time to burn the incense,

It’s time to slay the sheep,

It’s time to wake the muppets from a thousand years of sleep!

Male Chorus:

It’s time to raze existence,

It’s time to banish light,

It’s time to call the void in on the muppets show tonight!

Statlor: So tell us, where’s your god now?

Waldorf: I guess you’ll never know

Statlor: your life becomes a torture

Both: when we begin the show!

Chorus: And now let’s get things started!

Audience: Why don’t you get things started?

Kermit: It’s time to get things started,

All:

On the aberrational, no-salvational, incantational, muppetational,

This will be your final muppets show!

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hollowistheworld

I really can and will blame the 9-5 for everything. "We're in a loneliness epidemic" well, we have to spend a third of our day interacting with people in a professional way that makes forming real friendships difficult and then we're peopled out by the time we're done. "People are eating more and more unhealthily" people have to spend more than a third of their day doing work related tasks and they don't want to spend their tiny amount of free time making food. "People aren't involved in their local communities" after spending more than a third of their day doing work related things people are tired and also all those community events take place during normal working hours. "People need to get more hobbies" after spending more than a third of their day working, people are TIRED and don't want to do anything that takes yet more energy. "Literacy is dying" to maintain your critical thinking skills you need to read/watch things that make you think and after spending more than a third of your day doing work related stuff you are TIRED and don't want to expend even more brainnpower. "People need to get outside more" People. Are. TIRED. Because they have to spend all of their time working or preparing for work or recovering from work or doing all the chores they couldn't stay on top of because of work. I can blame fucking anything on having to work, it is truly the root of all fucking evil.

crabussy

-> listening to a jaunty country style song -> hear the lyrics wrong -> pause. frown. go back a few seconds to relisten -> hears the same fucked up lyrics -> check the actual lyrics to see what it ACTUALLY says

-> oh!

whosname

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

homunculus-argument

We need to isolate and start selectively breeding the plastic eating bacteria so we can optimise their efficiency, and then somehow splice their DNA into the gut bacteria of an obligate carnivore, so we can put it in our cats gut biomes so they'll finally be free of having to choose between whether they want to eat plastic or whether they want to live.

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discoursedrome

so "incubus" means someone who lies on top of something, and "succubus" means someone who lies underneath something, and the former also turns up in the word "incubate", which means to lie on top of an egg. To ensure closure we could therefore posit an analogous term "succubate", which would be something like this:

he is succubating.

official-linguistics-post

official linguistics post

lumberjackloverboy-moved

for my fellow psychotics who struggle with thinking someone is in their house, a method I’ve found that really works are these guys:

i put them on my front door and anytime it opens they ring. that way if i think someone has broken in or i see someone who isn’t there i can think back to if the bells have rung, and if they haven’t i can assure myself it’s not real. obviously it’s not fool proof, like if you are prone to auditory hallucinations, but it has really helped me calm down in time to avoid major psychotic breaks. it’s a real lifesaver

nonpsychotics encouraged to rb

lactating-deactivated20220703

“make friends” who am i doctor franking stein

werewolf-transgenderism

on my slides for my class about Frankenstein today

argumate

the Guardian going above and beyond here! I appreciate the implication that America should just change the flag to match the pool.

hometoursandotherstuff

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nitrobishop

this is still so funny. who the fuck were his sources

justsomeguycore

as per my last straw,

shetheyslain

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

batsandboba

cookiedoughmeagain

Surprisingly, this is not a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reference, but an actual fact. From Burnout: Solve Your Stress Cycle, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski

youreastargirl

What does it declare???

cookiedoughmeagain

“It will grab you by the face, shove you to the ground, put its foot on your chest, and declare itself the victor.”

The really interesting thing (imo) about this chapter of the book, is how it defines rest. It’s not talking just about sleeping, but also things like social connection and physical movement. So the 42% of your day that is rest might involve:

Meaningful conversation with someone you have a connection with

Exercising

Paying attention to your food, whether that’s shopping for it, cooking it or eating it

Socialising

Daydreaming

Each of us will need a different balance of these things, and each of these individual things will be different from person to person. The socialising and the meaningful connections might be IRL or it might be online - one of the examples in the book of something that counts as rest is “live-tweet Games of Thrones with a thousand fellow fans”.

It’s a really interesting book - definitely worth reading :)

(And Douglas Adams was obviously right all along - 42 is the answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything;)

sexboobomb

I want to learn more exclamations that aren’t strictly just religious stuff. “Jesus Christ” this, “oh my god” that, nah I want something fresh.

What are some of y’all’s favorite exclamations that aren’t about god?

sexboobomb

first submission and we're already off to a fantastic start. absolutely love this one thank you

sexboobomb

ok its time for the challenge round now we want nominations that arent about sex either actually

mbrainspaz

had a friend who used to make new ones up on the spot. The only one that stuck with me was 'good golly jelly beans'. If something catastrophic happens I go for 'that's not ideal.'

foldingfittedsheets

@chekhovs-tantrum

Absolutely not letting you leave these in the tags.

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thydungeongal

During yesterday’s game I made an off the cuff remark that Infernal music uses a system of nine modes named after the layers of Hell as opposed to the traditional seven in Western classical music so of course I’ve been coming up with a system of nine tones per octave for no gain whatsoever, I don’t think I’ve ever spent so much time on something with absolutely zero game effect

thydungeongal

I mean one obvious benefit is that I can now say that my character plays her lute in the Stygian mode which rules

disgruntledseagull

Now I’m desperately curious as to what that would sound like…

thydungeongal

I haven’t had the time to play around with it so it probably sounds horrible, but okay it’s a system of alternating half-steps and full steps but with two sequential half-steps. The basic Avernal mode in C would be C, Db, Eb, E, F, Gb, Ab, A, and B (and with a final half-step to bring it back to C).

As I said, it probably sounds horrible

dungeonmastersconsortium

I mean it wouldn’t be hard for me to write a piece like that. It won’t sound “correct” to western ears because the root note, C, in that scale will sound like it wants to resolve up to the Db, but if your goal is for music to sound like it’s from Hell, then it’s doable.

dungeonmastersconsortium

Here’s the parameters for this piece:

I’m going to use this scale for expediency’s sake, rather than the two octave scale.

I’m also going to write this piece in 9/8, following the theme of 9′s.

dungeonmastersconsortium

I’m 2 measures in and