Estúpido y Sensual Shablagoo

thanos: i must kill half of all beings in the universe

everyone: okay i get it we get more resources but-

thanos: no i will kill half of the resources as well

me: 

It’s finally #mechamonday again!

Cassandra Jean on Instagram and Society6

stopped clocks

people accidentally speaking in unison

cold wind at night (when it’s not snowing)

seeing a light go off in a window

static in the air - everyone’s hair is standing up

slow piano music in a place that’s otherwise silent

Oh boy I get to tell you about my FAVOURITE BATMAN STORY EVER :D

Get ready because this is hillarious

Okay so there is a WEED SCOURGE sweeping Gotham in this story because for some reason the writer is under the impression that there has ever been a time since like the fifties/sixties that millions of Americans WEREN’T all smoking weed so yeah no apparently marijuana use has ONLY JUST NOW become a big thing in Gotham and Batman and the GCPD are working hard to stop this harmless recreational habit from continuing because I guess Batman just really hates fun?

He’s miserable all the time so no one else is going to be enjoying themselves…NOT ON HIS WATCH

Tim Drake is horrified to discover that some of his classmates are smoking weed because you know, American highschoolers getting HIGH? Next you’ll be telling me they stay out past curfew or swear…and he goes to Batman for advice on this and Batman’s advice is basically ‘Destroy your classmates academic futures by ratting them out’ but thankfully Tim has the sense not to listen to Bruce here

Little do the Caped Crusaders realise that all of this weed flooding Gotham is apparently all down to ONE MAN (The one man in the entire city who controls the WEED TRADE because that’s realistic) that man being the Floronic Man! Now I know what you’re thinking…it’s going to be Mind Controlling Weed or Poison Weed or something like that right? BUT NO the truth is actually EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS

You see Floronic Man “Died” in another story before this but because he died protecting the earth STAR labs decided to grow him a new body (As he’s more plant than human) and so they stuck his head in their labs and let his new body grow…BUT the lab tech who was in charge of all this was apparently smoking weed 24/7 (Star Labs apparently aren’t bothered if the employees of a super science organisation doing high tech, dangerous and often classified work are off their face on drugs all the time or not, just like all employers) and also GROWING a huge crop of weed as well (STAR Labs insists it is for medicinal use only I am sure) and this means that the Floronic Man came back to life PERMANENTLY STONED

He literally grew his new body so it is essentially MADE OUT OF DRUGS and he is constantly high on weed because it’s part of his new plant body

And because he is made out of drugs he’s come to believe that weed is literally the best thing ever and that he can solve ALL the worlds problems by just getting everyone to take a few hits off a bong and mellow out…so his ‘Master plan’ isn’t about taking over the world, killing people or anything like that…he literally just wants to get EVERYONE HIGH

Batman puts a stop to this…villainy(?) i guess because apparently stopping someone selling people weed is more important than stopping Killer Croc from eating people alive or stopping the Joker from murdering a few hundred people with lethal toxins and he brings down Floronic Mans operation…but not before Tim Drake’s never before seen or mentioned friend (Who will never be mentioned ever again) is pressured into (GASP) smoking some weed by one of those Pushy Dealers who only exist in afterschool specials and has a massive freak out on it that winds him up in the hospital

And the story(?) concludes with Tim Drake delivering an anti-weed message to the audience I mean his classmates

And I guess no one in Gotham ever smokes weed EVER AGAIN as Batman has put a stop to what was, apparently the one and only man supplying every weed dealer in the city, fixing the ‘Problem’ forever

Oh and the Floronic Man has two henchwomen dressed up in BDSM gear for no clear or logical reason? I mean he’s literally got no genitals he is a plant man whose entire body from the neck down is basically a tree so it’s not a sex thing and there’s nothing about him or his operations that would make their choice of outfits make sense? They’re just…two professional assasins who dress like dominatrixes?

RUH ROW