This Blog Is Not Funny

DM: roll a perception check

*nat 20*

*rolls a 1*

DM: roll a perception check

*rolls a 9*

DM: Roll an intimidation check.

*nat 20*

DM: Poseidon quivers before him!

Fighter: rolls a nat 1

Some cultures lack names For a color, you see. Hence good old Homer And his “wine-dark sea.”

A usage so quaint, A phrasing so old, For verses of romance Is sheer fucking gold.

Words are in flux And meanings they drift But the word purple You’ve given short shrift.

The concept of purple, My friends, is old And refers to a pigment once precious as gold.

By crushing up molluscs From the wine-dark sea You make a dye: Imperial decree

Meant that in Rome, to wear purpura was a privilege reserved

For only the emperor!

The word ‘purple’, for clothes so fancy, Entered English By the ninth century

.

Why then are voilets Not purple in song? The dye from this mollusc, known for so long

Is almost magenta; More red than blue. The concept of purple is old, and yet new.

The dye is red, So this might be true: Roses are purple And violets are blue

Thomas:”Yes!”

TV:”This movie’s incredibly scary, do you want a funny television show to immediately follow this so you can fall asleep with untroubled dreams?”

Thomas:”Yes.”

TV:”Do you wish to skip the series finale of your favorite TV show and start back over at episode one, saving you the emotional grief?”

Thomas:*emotionally*”Yes please.”

TV:”Are you newly single?”

Thomas:”Yes?”

TV:”Do you wish to reset your password so your ex doesn’t have it?”