serpentine-sketches

---

The woman drags Aziraphale by the hand off into one of the side-rooms, pushes him down onto a small chair, and puts a knee up on the large, circular bed that is the main centerpiece of the room. She fixes him with the same amused look as before as she fiddles with the serpent clasp on her left shoulder, “So, tell me, what is it you really want? You have something specific in mind, I can tell.”

Aziraphale clears his throat, suddenly realizing they were very much not on the same page, “Ah, apologies my dear, I believe you’ve misread my apprehension earlier. I actually, um… Don’t? Want to sleep with you, that is.”

“… Eh?” The woman had seemed ready to accept most feasible answers to her question. This answer was not on the list.

“It’s just…” Aziraphale sighs, a fullbody thing, “It’s dreadfully boring, mingling around, talking about conquests and the like. And I’d much rather curl up with a good book. But I’m not allowed to just leave, there’d be… consequences.” Aziraphale shudders, involuntary, “That lot does not just send rude notes.”

Aziraphale shakes himself and blazes on, “I’ll compensate you handily though! Enough you shouldn’t have to work again tonight,” he pulls out his wallet, “assuming I remember the going rates for these things well enough…” he mumbles the last bit, more to himself.

He extends his hand with the money, offering it up, “All I ask is you stay in this room with me for a couple hours, and if anyone asks, we had a lovely time.”

“… Uh-huh.”

“I’m sure you could use the break, either way.” Aziraphale continues, to fill the silence, “I’ve never met someone of your profession who is not dreadfully overworked.”

Taking the money, she seems to catch up to reality and cracks a smile, “Well, yeah - you won’t hear me complaining!” She flops down on the plush circular mattress, melting into it. He hadn’t realized how precisely she had been holding herself until she finally actually relaxed.

“It’s kinda funny, I thought you’d have no interest in sleeping around when I first saw you. Good to know my instincts aren’t waning on me.” She winks at him - seems flirting is just a default for her, no matter the circumstances.

“Yes well.” Aziraphale wrings his hands, “I know it’s odd of me, but I simply have no interest in sleeping with people I hardly know”

“Certainly unusual, but not bad.” Her head tilts side-to-side as she considers this. She looks down, pauses for a beat.

“Well. Let’s get to know each other then – the name’s Crowley,” she leans up, extending a hand.

“That’s an odd name for a—Wait, no, you don’t have to-“ Aziraphale stutters, several thoughts getting caught in his throat while he attempts to voice them all at once.

Crowley laughs, but not a cruel laugh, more endeared than anything by Aziraphale’s stumbling. “I know, I know, I’m not trying to get in your pants. I just don’t want to wait here in silence, and you seem interesting.”

“Ah, well then,” Aziraphale takes her hand in his, ever so gentle. “It’s a pleasure. I’m Aziraphale.”

“Oh wow, really?” Aziraphale nods, sheepish. “Huh! Never figured I’d get to fake-bed someone of your renown – that’ll be a feather in my cap for sure.” Crowley continues, undeterred.

“Mmm, glad my ‘renown’ will be helpful to one of us” Aziraphale snarks, annoyance seeping through his normally reserved exterior. Crowley looks taken aback at his admission, but not wholly surprised.

There’s a moment of quiet, and Aziraphale remembers his other train of thought, “Oh! If I may, I don’t mean to be rude, but your name - it’s not usually a name for a lady…”

“Ah, clever man!” Crowley waggles his finger at him, “that’d be because I’m not one.”

“Oh! I’m so sorry, I should’ve asked- I just assumed-“

“Don’t worry about it, seriously.” Crowley interrupts before Aziraphale can apologize himself into a tizzy, “people assume, and I play into it intentionally.”

“Plus, I mean, it’s all made up anyway, the way I see it. Woman, man, whatever else, who cares. We’re all just human at the end of the day.”

---

Aziraphale:

Used to be a renowned warrior, now a gladiator with some 'divine/angel' theming. Is very very good at fighting, but doesn't like it.

When he first meets Crowley in this AU, he's quite guarded/stoic after years of battle in various forms. Eventually he confides in Crowley that he wants nothing more than to never have to kill again.

When he's not in the ring/training, he wears a toga styled much like in canon

Has a lot of scars from a lifetime of fighting. A *lot* on his back

Crowley:

Prostitute, working off a debt

Still has a snake tattoo & amber eyes (tho no slitted pupils). The snake tattoo is a mark of ownership.

Male, but dresses effeminately frequently. Comfortable with people referring to him as any gender.

Very sought after for what he does. Also required by his employers to collect blackmail material on the people who pay to sleep with him. He goes after certain specific 'marks' and seduces them. (kinda Astarion-esque)

Uses sex/flirting to manipulate people. Very much views it as a catch-all solution to most problems

Main themes:

Both of them believing they're only good at one thing, and that's what they've been taught to do. They believe they're worth nothing if they're not succeeding at the very specific thing that everyone expects.