I am a Real Hu-man With Real Hu-man Limbs

Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980′s.  The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.  

As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.  

It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.  

Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, it’s pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.  

The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.

They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.   

Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris--and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.  

Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.  

Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent.  (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)  

It worked!  

Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility--sometimes the biological dad and his mate--both because it’s unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.  

However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them.  (This would not work with real eggs because he can’t sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)

she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she's simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)

His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)

the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and "sitting" on artificial eggs so she thinks he's performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)

"chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES." (alternately: "chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She's 36, she's very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! ...Is there a downside? WELL...")

If I found out my nice neighbor who helped me jumpstart my car at the god awful hour of 5am was Superman? NOBODY'S GETTING SHIT FROM ME I KNOW NOTHING!

a) bro can shoot lazer eyes

b) bro is minding his own business, I can do the same

c) The moment I start blabbing I get involved and I DO NOT want to be involved with the day to day life of a fuckin superhero. So I don't know shit, okay?

My lawyer's some vigilante. Sounds like a conflict of interest but what do I look like? A cop? My trash collector is a superhero? Anyway, thanks buddy, have a great one, say hi to the kids for me. I watched my waiter at McDonalds absolutely throw hands with a supervillain. That's crazy, anyway here's a 30% tip in cash. Good luck with those student loans.

odyssey dashboard simulator

🚣‍♂️ captain.odysseus

to be so honest neither are looking great but sometimes u gotta make tough decisions. nobody tell my crew about this btw

65 notes

⬜ crewmate-238-deactivated12109

the sirens are dangerous to YOU. i understand them though. we are holding hands and singing and they're not even eating me

🧜‍♀️ siren.girl.40 Follow

no we’re not

⚔️ 0restes

OP being deactivated really adds something here

🎵 demodocus.sings.a.lot Follow

the sirens killed him

🐅 circe.without.mercy

62,234 notes

🤴 telemakhos.of.ithaka

just fucked up so bad i met queen helen from sparta and called her "helen of troy" in front of her husband who literally spent ten years fighting a war to get her back FROM TROY. about to throw myself into the sea

💅 face.that.launched.1000.ships Follow

omg no worries babygirl come back anytime :))) happens to everyone

🤴 telemakhos.of.ithaka

was no one going to tell me helen of troy had a tumblr

🤴 telemakhos.of.ithaka

FUCK i did it again

56,329 notes

⬜ crewmate-24-deactivated9823

for real though has anyone seen elpenor

#i could have sworn he was with us when we were at circes??

4 notes

⬜ crewmate-438-deactivated5764

dreaming of burger made of helios' cattle rn. mmm

⛰️ oracle-at-delphi Follow

it is actually insane that people are reblogging this. do you know how disrespectful this is to helios and to all of the gods?? those are literally sacred cattle, i shouldn't be seeing odysseus' crew blogging about how they want to make them into burgers. it's not funny and it's not a joke.

⬜ crewmate-438-deactivated5764

#it was gonna be such a perfect day for a bbq but its stormy all the sudden #:( #oh well i guess we will just eat our burgers inside

20,572 notes

🐗 antinous420

how long could it possibly take to weave a fucking shroud

📷 ithaca-fact-checker Follow

fun fact! it can actually take 1,543 years to weave a burial shroud for one’s father in law, depending on the materials, style, and craftsman!

🤴 telemakhos.of.ithaka

ayyy ithaca fact checker i missed you

🐗 antinous420

who the hell is running this account

#that has to be a joke right #otherwise that would mean that like only an immortal could weave these #ik athena is goddess of weaving but she cant be the only one doing it #right???

322 notes

🏐 what.up.its.nausica

not the random naked man i found on my shore who i almost got betrothed to being odysseus king of ithaca are you KIDDING me

🏄 pisistratus-son-of-nestor

i thought he was dead???

🚣‍♂️ captain.odysseus

im not

🏄 pisistratus-son-of-nestor

@ telemakhos.of.ithaca @ queen-penelope-official HELLO???

23,753 notes

🐅 circe.without.mercy

actually disgusting that people are still following @/calyps0 when she literally kept odysseus captive on her island for seven years. yes odysseus is incredibly problematic and he should be held accountable for actions. yes i dont support what he did to polyphemus and i will block anyone who said that was deserved. but he literally has a wife and son he needs to get back to and it's disgusting that she tried to impede him like this

🏖️ calyps0 Follow

hey what was going on when he stayed at your place for a year

🏖️ calyps0 Follow

lmfao she blocked me

#girl this situation is messyyyy

16,422 notes

🦉 goddess-of-wisdom

why is everyone so mad at odysseus. he’s just a silly little guy. my silly little mortal. he does tricks. free him

🔱 earthshaker Follow

he blinded my son

🦉 goddess-of-wisdom

ok??? have you considered that maybe your son was being a little bitch

45,890 notes

🚣‍♂️ captain.odysseus

lmfaoooo ive been sending anon hate to polyphemus and he still doesn’t know it was me, odysseus, son of laertes sacker of cities king of ithaca who lives at ithaca palace and is currently sailing home on the aegean sea. click the read more to track my voyage home

Read more

#what are you gonna do about it big guy #nobody cares

5,738 notes

👁️pol.y.phe.mus Follow

when i find whoever it is that is sending me these you are going to be so sorry

3 notes

👑 queen-penelope-official

like this post if you want to be included in the archery contest tomorrow!

#may the best shot win!

108 likes

🍽️ suitor-37

anyone noticed the quality of penelope’s wines at ithaca palace has kind of sucked lately

🕶️ ordinary.beggar.dont.worry Follow

i have a strong feeling that you won’t have to worry about this for much longer :)

17 notes

TOM HANK$ PISSIN in Muncie, IN

Her example was in call centers, where an agent might take 1 difficult call in 10, which is stressful, but the person has the 9 easy calls to offset that stress and recalibrate their nervous system. But when 'AI agents' take those 9 easy calls, you, the human, are left with 100% difficult calls. What used to be a small, unpleasant portion of your day now becomes your entire day, all day, every day.

And to make things worse, your boss fired all the other humans, so rather than spreading out the bad amongst a team of people who could commiserate and provide support, it's just you, absorbing the stress, alone, forever.

however i don't think i've seen people talk about the fact that these "techno-optimists" who are so looking forward to a "techno-utopia" never reference, cite, or allude to star trek, which is the single most influential techno-optimistic piece of media ever created.

and i mean, it's obvious why. star trek isn't just about exploring the stars, discovering new planets, creating cyborgs and computers and all kinds of futuristic technologies.

star trek is about about eliminating scarcity so that everyone can thrive. star trek is about a multicultural future of peace and prosperity for all. star trek is about infinite diversity in infinite combinations. star trek is about finding new life forms who look at the world completely differently than we do and learning from them. star trek is about a globalism that is rooted in humanism and peace. star trek is about providing role models for people (especially kids) who have never seen those who look like them in scifi, igniting their imaginations, and helping them think, "wow, there will be people like me in the future! even if i'm black, a woman, blind, trans, queer, not from the u.s.a., etc.!"

these guys HATE all of those things, and star trek is so explicitly about them that they can't even misunderstand it, misappropriate, or misuse it. so we get palantir, m*sk talking about how much he loves hitchhiker's guide, and j.d. vance naming his venture capital company after one of the rings from lotr. but we don't see anyone naming their robot data or their talking computer after majel barrett or talking about how star trek inspired them to get where they are now. because it didn't inspire them. because its vision was not the one they latched onto.

you also don't hear them citing, say, carl sagan. or hedy lamarr or ada lovelace or rosalind franklin. or any of the other stem-y people who were also deeply humanist and who profoundly love our little blue planet. they only care about stories they can believe are about white dudes accomplishing things through a domination mindset and being oh so special. they're obsessed with jung and campbell and their bullshit ideas about ~hero's journeys~ and anything they can twist to be about their misogynist, racist, ableist, queerphobic, imperialist agenda.