apologies for the state of my blog. currently obsessing over the pitt, crashing out over the hettest couple ever, and woobifying my blorbo mel king. i’m sure we’ll be back to our regularly-scheduled program of books, ‘90s shows i haven’t recovered from, classic hollywood, star trek, and non-anglophone dramas soon.
my opinion on gender is “no thank you” but i identify as a woman as a political category so you can use she/her pronouns.
social media is the devil. i hang out on dreamwidth as lirazel if you want to relive the livejournal days.
all my ao3 fic is locked to keep it safe from big tech scrapers and snooping journalists who need to leave fandom alone. if you are just a fan and want an invite, hit me up: i have a ton!
fandom is for fun. i am too old for ~discourse~. if fandom_wank gets revived, beep me; till then leave me out of it.
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Do you guys think Frank Langdon likes to play chess like pball does?
What if he brings it up to Mel sometime (she doesn't even know chess.com exists) and she's like "Oh, my grandpa taught me when I was a child, but it's been like two decades since the last time I played".
He offers to remind her how to play - in his place, of course. He has such a nice set of pieces! He can cook her dinner too. And maybe a movie after and -
Of course she says yes.
He is vibrating out of his skin when the day comes. He decides to be gentle but not coddle her in his lessons - Mel would never forgive him if he was condescending with her. She will catch up soon enough, she's smart. He's sure she is a graceful loser.
But. After the first game. She keeps DEMOLISHING him. He's astounded. After her third win in a row, he can't help himself:
"What the fuck, Mel??"
She at least looks sheepish.
"I'm sorry. My grandpa was like 15th in the american ranking when he was playing competitively. We would play for hours every weekend while I was young. I should've mentioned it"
He didn't know it was possible to fall ever harder for her.
“John Foster says,” quoted Valancy, “‘If you can sit in silence with a person for half an hour and yet be entirely comfortable, you and that person can be friends. If you cannot, friends you’ll never be and you need not waste time in trying.’”
I wouldn't put it quite this strongly, but, anecdotally, it's held pretty true in my life.
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It's been a few weeks since I updated Tangerine Skies and I hate that it's been so long. I'm on a new antidepressant and finally got some ADHD meds at the ripe old age of 50, and they've done a number on me. But I am writing! Just super slowly.
here's a little snippet where Drs. Langdon and King are getting ready to take forty-eight choir students on a recruitment tour:
Mel steps out of the bus just as they walk over, carrying a clipboard. Her hair is in its usual braid, and like Frank and the yawning choir kids making their way to the bus, she's wearing black pants and a blue polo shirt with a yellow university logo. "Good morning, Dr. Langdon!" she says, far more excitedly than anyone should be at this hour of the morning. "Hello, Penny. And Tanner."
Tanner says hello, but Penny, suddenly bashful, presses her face against Frank's leg. "She's not really awake yet," Frank says. This is a lie. Penny has been wide awake since at least four am. "Abby is meeting us here to pick them up, since I didn't have time to take them to school before we have to leave."
"I want to see the bus," Tanner reminds him.
"Yeah, buddy, we will. Come on. We'll just be a minute," he adds to Mel, before letting Tanner and Penny get on the bus and look around. Penny tries to climb into the driver's seat, but Frank gathers her up just in time and deposits her into one of the empty front seats while a couple of tenors high-five Tanner (this makes him puff up a little bit, very importantly).
One of Frank's piano students, a freshman named Emma, is sitting a couple rows back from where he'd deposited Penny, and she smiles at Penny and waves. Penny waves back and tries to climb over the back of the seat to get to her. Frank catches her just before she topples over the back of the seat. "Oh, no you don't," he says, and she grunts in annoyance.
"Your kids are really cute, Dr. Langdon," Emma says. She makes a silly face at Penny, who laughs and squirms in his arms. "Are they going with us?"
"Oh, definitely not," Frank replies. "Their mom is coming in a few minutes to pick them up."
"How old are they?"
"I'm four," Penny says. She has somehow turned herself upside down in Frank's arms, and the yellow hair bow he clipped in her hair as they were headed out the door falls out onto the floor of the bus. Emma picks it up and hands it to Frank. Penny points her fingers at Emma and counts. "One… two… three…four. I'm this many."
"Tanner will be seven next month," he says, stuffing the hair bow in his pocket. Penny had her fourth birthday while Frank was in rehab the third time. It was the first time he missed a birthday—and hopefully, the last. "He's in first grade."
"Oh! I love first grade," Emma says. "For my music ed class this semester, my field experience is at an elementary school, and there's a first grade class while I'm there. They are so cute. I think I want to teach the little ones. It seems like so much fun."
"Well, luckily you have lots of time to decide," Frank says.
"Hey, Mama's here!" Tanner says, tapping on the window and pointing. Frank looks out the window to see Abby talking to Mel on the sidewalk, presumably asking where the kids are, since Mel's pointing to the bus. "Okay, monkeys, time to go," he says, turning Penny right-side-up and reaching for Tanner's hand. Tanner wants to jump off the bus steps, but Frank keeps hold of his hand. "Careful, buddy," he says. "Lots of cars pulling into the parking lot, don't want you to get hit. Hold my hand till we get to your mom, okay?"
Abby meets them at the bus. She's already dressed for work, her hair slicked back into a bun. She's wearing the gold hoops Frank gave her for her birthday after they were married. "Hey, Frank."
"Thanks for getting the kids," he says, although he said it to her like fifty times on the phone last night. "This is a huge favor, I owe you."
"Yeah, you do. I'm sure I'll find a time you can pay me back." She takes Tanner's hand. "Are their things in your car?"
"Yeah—it's right over here." He walks them over to his car, Penny babbling in his ear the whole time. "She's gonna crash hard later," he warns Abby. "She's been up since at least four."
"Great." Penny being up before the crack of dawn is not a new thing. "Okay, Tanner, can you get your backpack? Thanks, honey. I'll get Penny's."
They get the kids and their stuff into Abby's car and Frank buckles Penny into her car seat. She hates the forward-facing car seat slightly less than she hated the rear-facing one she had when she was smaller, so he only has to wrestle her into it a little bit. "Bye, peanut," he says, and gives her a kiss. Abby's buckling Tanner in, so he goes around to that side of the car to kiss his son goodbye.
I love this AU so much! Mel and Langdon are both teaching in the music department of a university. Also features: religious trauma, themes of grace and redemption, one of the most realistic depictions of what it means to be a parent and the Mel and Langdon chemistry is off. the. charts when they make music together.
My own confession is that Anne and Gilbert does nothing for me. Valancy and Barney obliterates them for me. Maybe it is because I hadn’t encountered Anne and Gilbert as a teenager. Tbh I do like the very end of Anne of Green Gables and Gilbert’s sacrifice, but Anne of the Island was a letdown.
#that is a scalding hot take for most book people BUT valancy/barney is 100% the only successful romance maud ever wrote#and i think there are people in the maudience who’d agree with that! (via @no-where-new-hero)
some "hello here's my case for Kingdon becoming canon" rambling:
Something that's been on my mind lately is how beautifully Frank and Mel slowburning into a relationship would be a perfect counterpart to Robby's story and characterization. It's part of why I think this relationship should and is meant to be canon, and no, it's not just my shipper goggles that are fused to my skin. (It helps with the delusions, ofc.)
There's something so interesting in Parent-Child dynamics, especially one where the adult child is later therapy-informed and the parent has adamantly refused help. If you've been in a family dynamic with emotionally immature parents/guardians, you probably know this well. The parent of the adult child watches as their kid does everything they convinced themselves (out of safety, out of fear, trauma, etc) wasn't possible. (I speak from personal experience here. Whew lad.)
The parent watches their adult child almost make it look easy to go to therapy, to hold themselves accountable, to reach new heights of personal growth, and it lays open a lot of glaring insecurity and guilt. "I did my best" suddenly feels empty. Because sure, it was different for that parent, but how different could it have really been?** Usually, the emotionally immature parent also thinks it's too late, though. The time for healing has passed. Another defense mechanism in the tapestry of their dysfunction.
**with the caveat of this being about The Pitt here: yes, different generations have and will always have to contend with varying degrees of stigma and accessibility around mental healthcare. But Robby seems well-informed that therapy is good for his residents and colleagues, so I'm gonna gently nudge this outta the discussion atm.
If Robby watches Frank go through hardship after hardship and still come out on the other side better for it, Robby's whole world view of himself and what his life is really about is going to shatter.
If Frank Langdon:
is an addict in recovery
divorced (amicably or not)
balancing co-parenting
getting back in the game as a doctor
sucking it up with the PHP and all of its dehumanizing, debt-cycling bullshit
staying in therapy, going to meetings
busting his ass to succeed where he can
and: letting himself fall in love with a talented resident who not only accepts him, but encourages him... who he, in turn, is opening himself up to in new ways of communication (language learning lol) and understanding, too?
That is going to unravel Robby. Robby, who fumbled every chance of joy he seemed to have. Remember when he tells Whitaker that he saw himself with a family, house with a pond, etc? I really think that we're going to watch Robby feel relief at Frank's impending divorce-reveal (however they do that)... because it'll validate that he can't have that. He couldn't have that with Collins, he couldn't have that with Jake's mom. Frank is still his mirror. His 'failure' with Frank is his familiar safety in that: see, it's all fucked. It doesn't matter what you want. It doesn't matter how good of a doctor you are.
And instead of Frank wallowing, like Robby seems to have fallen into, Frank is: going to fall in love with Mel King. And no, he didn't get it right the first time, but he will the second time. And it will show Robby what's possible, and what he's lost, and that there's still time. Maybe it's not what he pictured. But there's still time.
There's so many wonderful things to see and people to love ahead of you.
Like I really think Frank and Mel's story will reflect that to Robby. I think Robby will be an audience to this love story unfolding, and the world won't end because two doctors in the same hospital are together and happy. In fact, it's not that I think The Pitt would turn into a huge love story about Kingdon. I think it'll just slide so cohesively and perfectly into place, and watching it work will disrupt so much of what Robby believes.
And somewhere, Frank will get a chance to tell Robby that yes, he still needs help. But there's still time; Robby's life isn't over. And that he didn't fail Frank, because look at what Frank has now? He has a partner in Mel that's the kind of partner a person dreams of. That sees him. That he sees.
So yeah. Kingdon should be canon. And not just because I want them to kiss, lol. (And I really, really want them to kiss.) They should be canon for Robby.
#MAKE ROBBY COPE WITH HIS SON ESCAPING THE CYCLE#MAKE HIM SEE THAT EVEN SOMEONE WHO'S SEEN HIM AT HIS WORST SEES HIM AS WORTHY OF LOVE#BUT ALSO WE HAVE TO SEE SAMIRA COME BACK THRIVING AS AN ED PHYSICIAN TOO#SON AND DAUGHTER BOTH#DOING BETTER THAN YOU ROBBY#GO TO FUCKING THERAPY (via @bisexual-tribble)
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so if my reaction to olivia rodrigo’s last two albums was “that’s cute, she’s pretty talented, i appreciate that the songs sound like songs, and i won’t hate hearing any of these play at target, good for her” should i still check out the new album?
UNPOPULAR OPINION: A lot of "mental health issues" disappear when bills are paid, rent is secure, and the fridge is full. Peace is expensive. And pretending money doesn't affect mental health is privilege.