TOM HIDDLESTON as LOKI LAUFEYSON in

commission for @leeroyjagginz!

And since this is my sick and twisted sentryagent mind, john of course comforts bob to the best of his ability even though hes also scared shitless because they've never gone up against a threat like this.

But he doesnt let his voice waver and does his best to reassure bob that he wouldnt EVER let anything hurt him. And I rlly think this WOULD comfort bob even if its just a small amount bc johns all dont worry baby I'll protect you🥀🐺 and even if bob knows theyre all fucked, its nice to see his boyfriend have hope and its nice to have someone in the face of all that horror still vowing to protect him.

then one day john is walking past bob's room when he hears coughing. he knocks on the door to ask if bob is okay and what he hears is a soft sound of pain. concerned, he goes inside to find bob is curled against the wall in his en suite, all the lights off. he's covering his ears, his eyes are shut tight, his is face pale, and tears are streaming down his cheeks.

normally, bob wouldn't say anything. he didn't want anyone to know about his migraines. but he's in so much pain that he just doesn't have it in him to fight. john asks what's going on and bob mumbles enough to explain that it's a migraine, that he's having really bad vertigo, that he needs john to be quiet because every little sound is like searing pain.

the whole thread starts when walker lies. he tells ava and yelena, "i have a loving wife and a son," and based on the last time we [the audience] saw him and olivia together, there is no reason for us to think he's not telling the truth. yes, he had a massive fall from grace, but olivia was still by his side at the end of it. we have no idea that they're separated yet.

next we see john's shame room. up to this point, john has been shown as a cocky asshole. but this is how we find out that a lot of that is just an act. i could get into how his shame room represents a struggle with depression rather than an obsession with vanity but that's beside the point of this post. in the shame room, we see john and olivia argue. it doesn't seem like it's the first time. their relationship is clearly in a bad place which doesn't align with what john said earlier. but when john comes out of the shame room, he puts back on his mask of arrogance and acts like nothing is wrong. the audience knows that john is lying. bob suspects that john is lying. ava and yelena do not know a thing. from this point forward, the audience knows not to trust that what john says is the truth, that he is a lot more broken than he lets on.

he starts to crack when ava and yelena talk about their shitty lives. he empathizes with them and immediately gets made fun of because he has a "norman rockwell family" waiting for him at home. then he gets asked how he does it. he could easily use this moment to tell the truth but instead, he forces a smile and makes up some bullshit to try and motivate what is currently his team. maybe because he doesn't want to bog them down with his truth. maybe because he doesn't want to lay his vulnerabilities out on the table. whichever, it creates a meaningful moment for the audience because we know that john is lying to them. we know his smile is a lie. his answer is a lie. his family is not okay.

which of course, brings us to bucky telling us the truth. olivia left him and took their son. john does not fight back and that shows more about his character than any words could. he doesn't try to defend himself. he doesn't try to excuse his actions. he doesn't even get mad at bucky for exposing him the way he did. yelena looks at john and he just sort of sadly nods. yes. she left me. she took our son. i have nothing. this is a small but powerful moment of connection between them as yelena realizes john is not who she thinks. he doesn't have a perfect family. in his own way, he's just as lonely and fucked up and broken as the rest of them in that room. this is the emotional connection they'd lacked.

after the sentry fight, we get to the full circle moment of why john lied. the moment yelena got angry, she used his vulnerability against him. she said, "you know you're a piece of trash, walker. so does your family." yelena knows now that he's depressed. she uses that against him. she knows his family has left him. she uses that against him. this is why he put up a shield. this is why he presents himself as a vain asshole. to be honest is to be vulnerable and to be vulnerable is to be exposed to pain. same as last time, john does not defend himself. he does know he's a piece of trash. he does know that he made mistakes. so all he says to her is, "jesus," and the audience feels that because thanks to the shame room, thanks to his lying, we've seen all the things he chose not to say.

he feels stupid for even being bothered by it. he's still an active superhero and he gets shot at all the time. but there's something about hearing the pops in his home that makes him feel like he's back in the army and his shelter is being invaded and he's going to die.

john used to waiting it out alone. he'd made some lame excuse the last two years for why he didn't want to go on the helipad to watch with the others. lies about being sick so he could hide himself under his blankets and shake like a scared puppy until it stopped.

this year he's on the couch in the common area. he hates being by the window but his therapist said it would help if he could see the real source of the noise. he has his earplugs pushed in tight, right hand squeezing one of bob's stress balls.

bob is there too, of course. they've been together for a few months, whether they'll admit to it or not. despite john's insistence that bob go enjoy the fireworks, bob chose to stay. so john is laying between his legs, head resting in the middle of bob's chest.

something about the steady rise and fall of bob's breathing and the gentle thud of his heartbeat is grounding to john like nothing else. bob's fingers are interlaced over john's belly and every time john flinches, bob squeezes him and kisses the top of his head and somehow john feels safe again.