✨🧁 sugar 🍭✨

about me ⋆｡‧˚ʚ sugar/kyr, writer in my 20s, they/she/idc ⋆｡‧˚ʚ i love asks/requests; can't promise speed ⋆｡‧˚ʚ my only other platform is ao3 @ barnable

my blog ⋆｡‧˚ʚ multifandom (current #1 is sentryagent) ⋆｡‧˚ʚ not spoiler free but i tag recent spoilers ⋆｡‧˚ʚ contains explicit fics (tagged as #nsft)

masterlists ⋆｡‧˚ʚ heated rivalry ⋆｡‧˚ʚ thunderbolts [mcu] [WORK IN PROGRESS] click/tap on any line in table of contents to jump to that page

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Sentyagent

Bob whines beneath his breath as he digs his right fingernails into John’s back, his left hand clinging to John’s bicep for dear life. He leaves a trail of sweat and spit along John’s right shoulder when he leans his head forward and then throws it back.

He’s practically folded in half, his legs bent at John’s sides, the curls of his toes tightening and loosening with each beautiful inhale and whimper. John pounds deep into him, the vulgar sound of his cock slapping against Bob’s skin overtaking everything else.

An unpleasant mixture of precum and lube leaks from Bob’s hole when John pulls back, dripping down his ass cheeks. The bed creaks beneath them and they just keep going, John’s hands gripping the bed sheets like the thin fabric can somehow stabilize him.

Even with everything they’ve done, he’s never seen Bob like this. He’s beautiful but he’s messy. His hair sticks to his sweaty forehead, tears stream down his cheeks, and drool dribbles out the corner of his mouth. Sweat beads on his torso too, skin slick everywhere John can feel.

*cough* personal trainer John and very flexible dancer Bob both working in the gym Bucky owns. *cough* I need water.

i need some water too just thinking about this... okay bear with me here we're gonna have some internalized homophobia/toxic masculinity john in this one. john is a former soldier whose career ended poorly. a job at his frenemy's gym was the best he could do after being discharged. it's a pretty masculine place. almost no women. "manly" men huffing and puffing all over. it's also not doing very well. they're having some issues. john's personal training is going great but overall, there are not enough people going to the gym to keep it afloat. they need something new.

bucky's friend natasha offers to teach dance classes on the weekend but that's not enough. there's a market for weekday classes that she isn't available to teach. luckily, natasha's sister has a best friend who was a professional dancer and incredibly flexible yoga expert who just so happens to need a job. enter bob, yelena's long-term ballet partner. the two of them were company dancers at the start of their careers. then bob landed his first lead role and the pressure got to him and he lost everything when meth was discovered in his dance bag. yelena ended up terminating her own contract due to mistreatment bob faced during the whole situation. he feels guilty for that every day.

anyway. back to sentryagent. bob is fresh out of rehab living on yelena's couch. when she offers him a job, he can't really say no. and he wouldn't because he's met the owner of the gym through yelena's sister and he knows it'll be a safe place for him to get back on his feet. except his first day, he meets mr. dickhead personal trainer. they exchange a little small talk and the guy is kind of an asshole about bob being into dance. he's wearing a wedding ring so bob asks if he's married and after john says no, he asks if bob has a boyfriend. bob gets on a rant about assuming all male dancers are gay before john points out the stickers on his water bottle which, unless he's borrowing it, very much confirm he is gay. bob almost dies of embarrassment and considers quitting the job right then.

thankfully, bob and john don't have to cross paths often. john does his training sessions around the equipment and bob spends most of his time in the classroom. they only cross paths in the locker room and in the break room where bob tries not to make eye contact because he's pretty sure in all of john's work stories, he's "that weird gay guy." in reality, john is slowly losing his mind. john who has spent his whole life around the most masculine men is now forced to be around this man who is so comfortable just being himself. who shows up to work in t-shirts with gay puns on them because he doesn't care who knows he likes men. it pisses john off. at least until he realizes that he isn't angry, he's jealous. he hates that he spends all day training macho men when all he wants is to sit in one of bob's classes and watch him teach. just once.

john and bob's relationship slowly gets better. not closer but better. then, one night, john comes back after work to grab something he forgot and he finds bob alone in the classroom. john just stands there and watches him stretch and he knows that he's a creep but bob is just so beautiful he can't look away. it doesn't help that bob is basically naked in his dance outfit. bob notices him and john apologizes and starts to leave but bob invites him in. next thing he knows bob is guiding him through some stretches and laughing at how inflexible he is and then showing off "how easy it is." john pretends to be worse at some stretches than he is just to see bob flex more. this doesn't mean he likes a man, he tells himself. not until it happens again. and again. and then john is showing bob his side of the gym and suddenly they're making out on the weight bench and he doesn't know who he is anymore.

John gaining a bit of weight due to his meds and spiraling bc to him it means he's out of shape, not fit for missions, not good enough for the team anymore and what would his old commanders say if they saw him like this??? He can't go off his meds. So he starts obsessively working out, controlling his meals, counting calories, throwing up or working out even harder if he thought he ate too much or ate the wrong thing. Obsessively checking his weight and body in the mirror. His face is already ugly so his body has to be in top shape to make up for it.

But then he can't stop even when he loses the weight. He keeps going. Losing his shit if his rules are not followed. Refusing to break it even on a mission. Scared that the others will find out so he stops eating with them bc otherwise they'll see him count every grain of rice and obsessively calculating the macros and calories of everything.

Eventually his body can't take it, even with the serum, and he starts losing hair, passing out, getting dizzy, growing lanugo, getting weaker, has trouble concentrating, tired all the time, doing poorly on missions and the others have to cover for him. The team tries to figure out what's wrong but they're not completely getting it (various guesses include cancer/serious illness, PTSD episodes, medication side effects, BPD flare-ups) because visually, John looks fine, if a little leaner and sculpted than usual, and he's still eating (they don't notice the measurements and hypervigilant monitoring of his diet). The serum wouldn't let him become emaciated so long he's getting some form of nutrition consistently.

One day it all implodes and he passes out on a mission, and the others have to carry him out while trying not to die themselves. This is when the team finally finds out the full story. He gets a feeding tube inserted that he immediately rips out when he wakes up (due to sensory issues but also bc it's giving him something "bad"). They end up having to restrain and sedate him because he's having a panic attack and won't listen to reason.

None of the team knows how to deal with this. None of them have ever had an ED this severe—yes, they all have issues with eating, whether it's poverty causing lack of food, training to go without, punishments, or just lack of appetite bc of PTSD, but it's never been willful. It's always been someone else doing this to them. So they have a hard time understanding why john is doing this to himself.

John tries to reason with them. He says that this makes him better, makes him stronger and fitter to protect the team and take out opponents. That he's slacked off since being on the meds and needs to get back on track. Nevermind the passing out and brain fog, he understands now that he may have went a little overboard bc it's his first time, he doesn't know his limits. He'll do better. He needs to. These issues won't happen again. They don't have to worry about him. He can be useful again.

anon you are killing me oh my god. i've definitely thought about john with orthorexia before but this is taking it to a whole new level of angst. john finally sees a psychiatrist and gets put on meds and they're life-changing but he's gaining weight and he hates it. he already gained some since the whole captain america thing and it hits a point where he's just unhappy with it. he decides to try and lose the weight and at first it's healthy. he eats less dessert, drinks less soda, runs an extra mile or two. but slowly he gets more obsessive until it consumes his life. his ocd has him counting and calculating and ruminating constantly. i can see him throwing up or having a panic attack if it's related to an intrusive thought where he thinks it's the only solution.

and maybe, technically, john is doing it in a "healthy" way. he's following the calorie and exercise recommendations for someone of his age and height and build. but he's ignoring the fact that he's a super solider with a high metabolism. he's not counting all the energy he puts into missions as exercise. and because he's doing it "healthily," he convinces himself that it's the "right" way. that he's not doing anything wrong. that if he feels sick, it's unrelated. the others point out that he isn't doing well but he insists that he's fine. maybe it's the meds he's on because "that's when it started." but if he stops taking his meds then it just gets worse.

then john passes out and if they don't get him nutrition then he's not going to wake up so they have to give him a feeding tube. this is so random but feeding tubes happen to be something i am very familiar with so for people who don't know, you can actually just pull it out! it would definitely be uncomfortable and john would probably cause himself some pain but he could do it without any bad consequences. except he's still malnourished and now he's clearly having a mental health episode and they need to help him and he won't let them.

i like the headcanon that to some degree, bob does intentionally restrict because he's used to being underweight and his sentry body makes him uncomfortable. so maybe bob kind of understands where john is coming from. it's a different situation obviously and he can't understand how it got so bad but he can relate to the desperate need to regain the body he used to have (for john, that was what he looked like in the military or as a football player). but this is so severe that he doesn't know how to help. none of them do.

hii thank u sm for the fluffy ask! 🥰 bob's first thought is that she's tiny and he gets just a little tense because he really hasn't held a baby before, let alone a newborn. his second thought is that she's beautiful. he can't stop smiling. that's his baby, staring up at him like he's already her favorite person in the whole world. i think he also probably feels a lot of anxiety but in a good way, if that makes sense. he keeps glancing at john in case he's holding her wrong or something but he isn't. somehow, he's doing everything right. she's happy and safe and absolutely perfect.

from the moment emmy is in his arms, bob is filled with so much love for her that all he can think is that he needs to do this right. he wants to give her everything that he never had. he wants her to grow up knowing that her daddy loves her and trusting that he will always keep her safe. there's some relief in this feeling too because bob was afraid that when emmy was born, he wouldn't feel that connection. he's always thought that he lacked all natural paternal instincts but when he holds emmy for the first time, he realizes that he was wrong. he realizes that his touch won't hurt her. he could never hurt her. he loves her more than anything. and maybe he still doesn't really know what he's doing but he wants to learn and being brave enough to finally hold her for the first time is the first step to being the parent she deserves; that he deserved as a child.

LOVE

WHAT!! NOOOO ANON YOU ARE TOO SWEET!! THANK YOU FOR THE SENTIMENT AND FOR ENJOYING MY WORK. I LOVE YOU TOO!! 🥰💞

*cough* beauty and the beast au *cough* wow sorry sugar, I've got this really weird cough.

pls don't get that cough taken care of i am having the time of my life with these aus omg 🙏 thank you for this one especially beauty and the beast is my mom's favorite fairy tale so it's special to me 🥲 and when @disterra did this art a couple months ago i had an idea that i put only in the tags so okay twist my arm i will elaborate on it 3 months later 🥰

it all starts with the rose of course. a man decides to take one because he's an asshole. the beast, john, sees him and threatens to take him as a prisoner. the man immediately offers his son in his place. no hesitation or remorse. just "noo i'm just an old man :( take my young son instead!" john thinks the whole thing is strange but agrees. like wow this guy has to be really desperate to give up his own son, right? who does that?

soon after, the son arrives at john's palace. john is expecting tears and more pleads for mercy. instead, he gets a fairly unbothered pretty boy awkwardly waving at him as he says, "hi, i'm bob." john proceeds to spend the rest of the day trying to scare this guy but to no avail. he's just not bothered by anything. john goes to sleep feeling unfulfilled and annoyed. the dad probably would've been a whole lot more fun.

the next morning, john has a breakfast feast prepared and goes to look for bob. he finds him in the library, just peacefully reading away. john asks bob why he hasn't tried to escape. bob shrugs and says that he has a huge library, the entertainment of the beast, and he doesn't have to see his dad ever again. it's like paradise. john tries again to scare him. bob just blinks in his face. what the hell did bob's dad do to him?

for a while, bob isolates himself, mostly sticking to the library or his room, but he starts to explore and befriends all the animals john has in his palace and his servants too. john's servants tell him that he needs to try and win bob's heart, that bob is his true love, but he ends up just scaring bob with his temper. eventually they have a fight where john decides he's done. when bob threatens to run, john tells him to leave.

john watches bob go, devastated. it's not long before bob is attacked by wolves. he barely gets a scratch on him before john rips apart the entire pack. unfortunately, john is injured during the rescue. bob insists on dragging him back to the palace even as john reminds him 72 times that he agreed bob was free. bob is like thanks i'll take you up on that offer to go and get attacked by wolves again. shut up and let me help you!