Jazz

why do men have this eternal fear of being used for money they don’t have lol

Don’t use AI to write. Use childhood trauma like a real poet.

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

UNPOPULAR OPINION: A lot of "mental health issues" disappear when bills are paid, rent is secure, and the fridge is full. Peace is expensive. And pretending money doesn't affect mental health is privilege.

tbh if someone just handed me a pressure washer and set me loose in the streets i would go into a trance and just start hosing shit down indiscriminately. it's not a question of how much i could clean, but how long until i get hit by a car and die

the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive

jack abbot using your hair as a leash while he fucks you doggy :(((( thrusts so hard he pushes your nose to robby’s balls :(((( they’re so mean and they laugh when you gag on robby’s thick cock :((((

i eat a lot of bread because it’s soft and i deserve it. also i am gorgeous

[ID: A photo of a pigeon. It does, in fact, look gorgeous.]

Jack Abbot finding out that Reader volunteers at a senior living facility that her grandmother lives in. When she mentions throwing a Valentine’s Day party he absolutely insists he’s going to tag along and lend a hand. They’ve not been dating long so she’s surprised he’s so insistent. He talks her into slow dancing with him on the little dance floor that’s been set up in the rec room and he’s happy to dish up cupcakes and sugar free punch. All the old ladies flirt with him which Reader gets a kick out of. The old men love to talk baseball and military trivia with Jack. He’s popular and Reader can’t volunteer without people asking when her boyfriend is coming back. Her grandmother keeps asking when Reader’s getting an engagement ring and a baby from her handsome doctor boyfriend…

funniest thing to ever happen was when my boyfriend put on the first episode of columbo (which i'd never seen) but he wouldn't tell me what show it was he would only say "you'll get it when he shows up." but a fun fact about the first episode of columbo is that he doesn't show up for 32 minutes and when he does, he silently walks into the room with a cigar and does a little pose and goes "hi i'm columbo."