Doing your best won't look the same each day.

If I had a tail I'd wrap it around yours when we sit together. If u even care

If I had wings I'd use them to shelter you from the rain. By the way

If I had toes I'd let you suck on them. Just so you know

if you have not drank any water yet today, this is your daily reminder that you are so cute. You're so pretty. Don't let anyone let you think you aren't beautiful. keep sparkling on, superstar

hey uhhh, what about the water?

the what

Fish, I am dying of dehydration. Please fish there's something you aren't reminding us of.

you're pretty

inb4 “that doesn’t look like a bald eagle” congratulations! you have been fooled by the juvenile plumage of the bald eagle. this man rescued a teenage idiot bald eagle. with a gun.

A true successor of Thomas Edison

surprise surprise

finally some good fucking salt over thomas eddison on this site

wahhhh wahhh im so tired you have to pick me up and carry me and move my hands for me like im some kind of doll for you to play with and you can do whatever you want to me. but you have to make me good at the games i play or ill stop letting you and then ill just leave okay?

tom animal crossing nook made you work for like 3 minutes and you spit on him like this god damn

he forces you into debt

that you literally never ever have to pay off unless you want him to build you a bigger house you floppy shoes rainbow wig ringling brothers ass bitch

Defending Tom Nook’s debt-based economy is going too far

you pay it off by selling him fucking bugs and rocks go make me a balloon animal bozo

#debt-based economy #bro have u like noticed thats literally the world we live in??#honestly i WISH i had a tom nook in my life are you kidding me????#no rush to make payments just pay when you can if you intend on getting an upgrade#no INTEREST i CANNOT emphasize that enough #great reliable quality of work#always polite when speaking to me???#probably genuinely concerned with my well being????#and yall are disrespecting him like this!? #i think the fuck NOT

The best possible landlord is still a landlord, and stands at the top of a steep incline

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

#tapping the reblog button with utmost care because i’m handling a historical artifact (via @malarkiness)

I'll hold the back of your heads and puppet you.