Come Back With A Warrant

UNGRATEFUL tech companies are saying things like "turn off your ad blocker" and "we need your photo id" instead of "thank you so much for not just pirating our shit, youre so handsome"

You wouldn’t think that flamingoes are extremophiles just from looking at them. It’s like somebody tried to build the vertebrate equivalent of that fungus that lives inside nuclear reactors, and ended up with a gangly pink dinosaur with a spoon for a face.

….. Didn’t know most of that

Huh… so that’s why zoos don’t put them somewhere warm during winter.

Some species of flamingo actually subsist almost entirely on a diet of bacteria! In other words, there is a species of dinosaur that eats only bacteria and lives in lakes so toxic they would kill almost anything else—and it is best known to the average person as a kitschy lawn decoration.

realizing that the online sphere and especially tumblr is NOT a good sample for ‘what everyone thinks’ is so, so, so good for your mental health and moral OCD. i swear to god. realizing that you don’t have to live your actual life like you’re being hunted for sport because the average tumblr user will hunt you for sport for wording something slightly weird or engaging in the wrong stuff or whatever is so incredible. like no you’re actually not fucked up and evil for not donating or for watching that one indie cartoon or questioning a post that everybody is agreeing with. that’s just tumblrs georg making you feel that way

Something nobody prepares you for is that the better you get at writing the harder it becomes. beginners write freely because they don't know enough to know what's wrong. then you learn. and suddenly you can see every single flaw in real time as you're making it and you have to write anyway while your own brain is in the corner going "that's a weak verb. that transition is lazy. you've used that word three times." getting good at this is mostly just getting better at ignoring yourself.

now what I need on my desk by 10am sharp tomorrow is 15-25 scenarios of The Character smeared in blood (a mixture of their own and others') and weak at the knees as they dissolve into a paroxysm of despair upon the sudden inescapable reckoning with their forcibly shattered sense of selfhood and humanity

This has been sent to me four times today, so I'm condemning OP to be judged by the 42 and fall into Nuun.

Was not expecting this many of you to resonate with Millennium Death Plinko

One of these days the horse is gonna come out of pinko with opposable thumbs, and then we're all in trouble.

You don't like New Yawk? 🗽? Bada Bing?

no 🛩️

anotha one🛩️

Not me trying to figure out how I could keep angora goats in our backyard rental.

i love it when people use the phrase 'biblically accurate' to describe things that most certainly were not in the bible. "biblically accurate hatsune miku" i don't know if that's true but i am enchanted by the beautiful world you have invented

hey guysss so unfortunately the rumors are true and im leaving the narrative. Buttt the good news is my absence will create such a gaping hole in your lives that it will become a sort of presence itself, and so in a way it will kind of be like i never left! But i am. Leaving just to be clear.

You know, when I've remarked that a lot of the responses to my posts feel like people are just plucking out keywords they think they recognise based on the shape of them and replying to what they imagine the post says based on that, the possibility never occurred to me that this is actually how many American schools are currently teaching kids to read.

Like, my assumption this whole time has been that when folks go "I misunderstood this post that says [thing] as saying [unrelated thing] because I mistook [word] for [completely different word that happens to start with the same letter]", that was a bit. What do you mean they're teaching kids a reading method that's tailored to produce this exact error?

essentially every core premise of the whole language movement has been tested and rejected by both qualitative and quantitative research, but that won't stop them because they can't fucking read

this video is CUTE, the animal is clearly in distress but it is a vile creature unloved by any god and we are correct to derive pleasure and satisfaction from its misery