Come Back With A Warrant

UNGRATEFUL tech companies are saying things like "turn off your ad blocker" and "we need your photo id" instead of "thank you so much for not just pirating our shit, youre so handsome"

Can’t believe Tangled (2010) had the emotional intelligence and insight to ask the question what do you do when your dream IS fulfilled and it’s everything you wanted it to be but then it’s over.

Dread Pirate Rapunzel has a nice ring to it

Kelp gull (Larus dominicanus)

personally I am of the opinion that vegans who are like “the way our food system currently works under capitalism on a large scale is exceptionally cruel to all animals including humans and is not sustainable, so I’m doing what I can to make the most ethical choices available to me about what I eat and encourage others to do the same” are generally very reasonable people who I agree with in spades. but vegans who seem to think human beings are not themselves animals who are ultimately also part of the food chain but instead some kind of other paternalistic higher entity that can never engage in ethical and sustainable hunting practices (and especially the fringe I’ve seen who think other carnivorous animal predators are also evil and need to be eliminated) are people I regard as foolish at best if not actively anti-indigenous and racist

hey can y’all maybe ask yourselves why when people of color say things like “this movement I generally agree with has a racism problem” your gut instinct is to downplay and dismiss and say it’s only a few bad apples and that we’re co-opting the larger conversation by talking about it? can y’all examine this instinct in yourselves for a second?

imagine trying to impress a girl but it’s 1640 so you have to sing her a madrigal with viol accompaniment but there are so many ribbons on your doublet that they get tangled in your viol strings and you get so flustered your cap falls off. whole time your patron is watching from across the courtyard and you just know he's cutting your salary...

God Bless Our Troops

They hot glued a spring to a clam and gave it full control over the water supply

if you've never engaged with a creative art on a regular basis you need to understand that it requires concerted effort to get into "the groove" to make something and every second that it takes to get into that groove causes physical pain, but the only thing worse than doing it is not doing it.

I will figure out your body’s resonant frequency and play a drum solo that will dissolve you

People universally seem to parse it as Mean but sometimes what you really, really need to hear is "this is not a socially appropriate thing to say, and you should not have said it"

I’m disabled and it pisses me off so much when people use termination for medical reasons in the case of fetuses with non-fatal congenital conditions as a reason that abortion is evil and pregnant people shouldn’t be allowed to decide to end a pregnancy. I would not damn a dog to be dependent on the American medical system, much less a human being for the next 75+ years. Do not talk to me about eugenics until the mentally ill and physically disabled stop freezing to death on the street and dying of treatable illnesses because they can’t afford a caretaker OR their medication OR stable housing. If someone wants to terminate a pregnancy before that fetus becomes a living, kicking, screaming, breathing baby, you cannot compare that to the fucking vile things that happen to actual living disabled people in our society every fucking day. There are actual disabled people begging for help and you’re ignoring them to pretend like you give a fuck about unborn disabled “babies”.

And it's always from the people who are complacent with or accepting of the vile things disabled people experience!

These people see disabled people like pets. They imagine a dimensionless caricature of a child born with a disability who is happy and loving and sweet, that is who they imagine when they hear about TMFR. No inconvenient opinions, no concerns, no pain. They do not see disabled adults being given little to no agency and no support. They do not see disabled people as complex human beings with complex points of view and complex challenges and complex lives.

getting followed by porn bots is weird and that’s coming from a guy with multiple 🥵 concubines

step aside you old cut-sleeve, i shall court these maidens!

the marquis of homo WISHES he had a fraction of my imperial glory!

right so i’m one of the most well regarded emperors in the history of china and you’re the guy who had to put “shut up about the mercury” in his bio

the Terracotta Army guy?

🙄 you build ONE funerary complex with 8000 life-sized statues of soldiers, horses and generals and suddenly you’re “the terracotta army guy.” 🙄 execution.

Stumbling across this makes me feel like a dad whos walked into their kids room beer in hand and seeing them roleplay starwars fights i do not belong here but god its entertaining

to be clear in this scenario im the jedi and im winning

i am always one wrong word away from being shot by all the people who find me tolerable

I do like that given the opportunity to specify, you did choose to kill op

I assumed that's what op intended

girl asks me to use her like a toy so i put her in a row with several other girls sorted by name alphabetically & sit there silently looking at her

A mole found its way into our house somehow and our cat has NO IDEA what to do about it.

Come to think of it, I also have no idea what to do about it.

If we're being really honest, the mole was also unclear of her motives, so I think we were all a bit confused.