The Meme Crypt

Resteraunt servers have the funniest and most surreal workplace stories of any profession. They have the job that mean nurses think they have. The entire world is working against them the entire shift. And then you feel terrible for laughing. It’s not funny that you tripped and spilled an entire ice tea all over a toddler and the kid started screaming at the top of his lungs. Nobody was having a good day, thank God it wasn’t a hot coffee. That’s not funny. I did laugh so hard tears started rolling down my face when you recounted this mortifying ordeal though.

“eldritch horror beyond your comprehension” and it’s just a generic monster with tentacles and eyes

girl I’m comprehending you pretty easily you’re gonna have to try harder than that

in my dnd setting the most eldritch of creatures is an ape that is impossibly wide. Whatever room you're in, this ape is wider than that. Imagine the widest room you can imagine. This ape is wider. It's other proportions remain the same. His name is Wide Ape.

everyone go home we got a winner

Watching the mummy 1999 for shits and giggles, thought it'd be fun to bitch abt the inaccurate hieroglyphs now that I know smth abt all that. Disappointed and disgusted to find out that they hired an egyptologist consultant and the hieroglyphs are actually well done. Night ruined

reblog to give your headache to elon musk instead

10 or 11 little ducks have been spotted crossing the dash board

THIS ONE FUCKING WORKS. REBLOG IT.

this for real fucking works

Apparently this one fuckin works, and who am I to argue with the collective agreement of tumblr. Will report back if good things happen.

did you hear they're gonna start publicly executing anyone with a glimmer of hope and a light in their eyes

Laptops are always so much more Fucked than phones in my experience. A laptop is like a beautiful horse that wants nothing more than to break all of its legs. A decently solid android phone will act normal

A laptop is a living creature. It has weight to it. A laptop breathes and produces body heat. And it wants to die badly. Mobile phones are not sentient like that & that's why they don't experience mental illness. A phone problem is like "out of storage :(" or "charging port broke". Laptops will cough weakly as they fade in and out of consciousness

You will hold a laptop in your arms and it's like "I can't feel my legs". And you tell it girl you never had any

He really did.