Sea Level Elevation

This was something I’ve been meaning to do for a couple years, now; telling the Shandra story. I don’t think I ever packed it away. It’s more like I had opened the box a couple years ago, and had been planning to explore, and expose the contents. The box had been sitting there this entire time. Just sitting off to the side, with the lid off. It really wasn’t in anybody’s way, but everybodythat…

“Self” – ish

Two ideas were proposed to me which, combined, provided a great deal of clarity and enlightenment. The premise was that a different version of “you” exists in the mind of every person who knows you, and nobody, including yourself, holds an accurate version of who you really are. And within those versions, exist older versions of who you may have once been, but haven’t been updated to who you are,…

Amidst the commotion and panic spreading through the world, I have found refuge in parsdise, on my front porch, facing the Caribbean Sea. I have finally surrendered to the quarantine, and found time and ability to relax and enjoy the silence and stillness that has encapsulated the village.

Supplies are scarce, but I’m prepared… for many months of isolation, if necessary. I reflect on how much…

I offered her food and protection, but she was a free spirit. I never did try to confine her, and yet she always came to me. I would wander home and find her waiting; calling to me. She wanted that connection, and she sang when I provided it.

Our conversations were intriguing, as we both spoke a different language, yet it was important dialog. She said that she missed me, and I was happy for her…

I read an article recently, that prompted a Facebook debate. The article described how people process the thoughts they carry throughout the day. Most people who commented, seemed to experience an internal vocalization of their thoughts, as if everything they were thinking, or doing was being narrated; similar to a documentary.

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When you stare at the clouds, your brain starts to look for patterns and profiles; relating them to familiar images from your experiences. One person may see a duck, while the other may see a rabbit. Which person is correct? Wouldn’t they both be wrong? A cloud is neither a duck, nor a rabbit….it is simply a cloud.

I’ve observed cloud watchers many times in my life, and the conversations are…

The waves keep coming. Incessantly. They ebb and flow. One minute I’m fine, and the next I’m choking back tears. And the same with my nausea; it comes in waves. It’s taking its toll on me. It’s wearing me down.

I haven’t really slept in many days. I’m not sure how many, because it seems like one long day. I’m going to crash, it’s inevitable. I tried to convince her today not to worry, but I’m…

I got my labs back from my annual health screening, it was bad news in contrast to previous years. I didn’t fully realize until then, the extent that work stresses has undermined my health. I knew I wasn’t feeling well, and I was suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, but to find that my blood pressure, cholesterol, and fasting blood glucose which in previous years were proudly gloating…

The storm was building, and it was just a matter of time until the rain started. I was coming up on mile 6, of the 10K run, so I was pretty certain that I’d be able to finish the race before any significant weather began.

At this point of the run, it seemed like everyone was tired. I was passing them like they were standing still. It had seemed like that for most of the race, though, because I…

I think about where I was, and it seems so long ago. Maybe because my mind includes the time that I spent planning my exodus, and not just the part of my journey that I had been physically uprooted. I detached from that place a long time ago. I don’t think anybody believed me at the time, when I said I was leaving. They probably just thought I was dreaming. But I wasn’t just dreaming, I was…

I woke to the sound of my alarm clock, and mindlessly hit snooze. I didn’t have a full night’s sleep, having worked the late shift, last night. Last night, I had drank a glass of Sea Glass Pinot Grigio with dinner, when I had gotten home from work, and it induced a quick drowsiness that coaxed me into bed, without much resistance. It wasn’t a long sleep, but it was sufficient. Fortunately, I set…

In many ways, I feel dead inside. I’m so exhausted from work, that I can’t seem to find any reserve energy. I may have to switch my diet back to an energy drink regimin. This latest store transfer really screwed up my healthy routine, and I can’t seem to find my way back.

I’m emotionally drained, as well. The past several years have taken a serious toll on my heart…emotionally, rather than…

My first week of throwing myself all in at work, has been crazy. Although I’m spending less time at home, I actually think I’m getting more accomplished. I’m becoming better at multitasking, and maximizing the time that I have available, to get the most out of it. It’s difficult, though, to work that many hours; it’s taxing, physically and mentally. I know this won’t be long term, but it makes…

Some things are rare; ice on palm trees, for instance. The storm that swept along the coast was not normal. The aftermath of the tempest was several inches of snow, followed by a quarter inch of freezing rain.

Sunrise, the following morning, brought sparkle to the cold crystal, making it appear warm and vibrant. This was just an illusion, though, as the windchills preserved the icicles for the…

A One Way Bridge

You can never go back. You would think, by now, I would have learned that lesson. But here I am, holding on to a memory, and wanting to walk back across a bridge, to how things used to be.

But things aren’t the same; far from it. It’s been a year. The vibrancy has faded away. The passion is a very distant memory. It’s cold now. She’s cold now. And here I am still, the fool who can’t let go of a…

I’m trying to get into the Christmas spirit, but it doesn’t seem to be working. It seems so far away. I’ve decorated my house, and strung the Christmas lights. I’ve visited the Christmas exhibits, listened to Christmas music, wear Christmas ties, and watched Christmas movies. It still seems so far away.

It’s not like in the past years, where my job in retail started promoting Christmas in…

I figured out what was going on in my head. It seems odd that a brain would have such a difficult time diagnosing itself, but the diagnosis seems just as odd. When life seems at a standstill, my mind wants to sleep the day away; kinda like a fast forward, to get to the good stuff. My mind lives in its own fantasy, and wants to hibernate, until reality catches up to the fantasy. Crazy, huh!?

So…