Insert Catchy Title Here

Wind is windy as hell

take your carriage very slowly by your rival’s home, that she might see your latest hat

This is STUNNING

i think it is good to warn people in advance about the circumstances that will cause you to bite them and i think that having given that warning it is good to follow through when the time comes

the rattlesnake is an admirable creature whose virtues we should emulate

One time at dance some rando grabbed me by the waist and told me to dance with him and I told him “if you don’t let go I’m going to bite you” and he didn’t let go so I bit him and that really should be the end of the story but he thought that was funny so I turned around and gave him a donkey kick to the shins and took about a 4 inch strip of skin with me so what I learned that day is when one is without debilitating venom, one must be as a horse do

“be as a horse do” is my new favorite colloquialism.

all of these are gold

oh my god

Dunno if bobbing the teabag actually helps the tea steep faster but it sure is fun to feel a part of something

hes eating your power bills

um, why didn’t you give him a treat?? he delivered your message!

LET HIM IN.

This is fucking me up right now

POWER MOVE

i hate this fucking myth that going through a trauma makes you a better human being???? like i told a friend about how i was abused as kid and she was like ‘well yeah but didnt that make you be a kinder person?’ like no???? it fucked me up thats what it did??? stop fucking romanticizing this shit or im coming for your ass?????

where’s the pic of that guy’s tinder bio where he says something along the lines of “well i’m a fat fuck with a big truck. welcome to the shitshow.”

thanks. this is literally the best tinder bio ever

I always got the vibe that Dumbledore was like, “there is no possible way for this man to be a Death Eater,” and hired him on the spot.

I like the idea of Dumbledore overcorrecting all the time. First professor was a death eater? Lets get one who definitely isn’t. That one was an egoistical jerkface? I’ll hire literally the most humble and unassuming human on Earth. Lupin got kicked out by a bunch of parents? Lets go for a man who is incapable of taking any shit from anyone…. etc.

good idea: marry a blacksmith so you can get free swords whenever 

Better idea; become a miner and then marry a blacksmith so he can have the required materials for you to get free swords whenever. 

Make a harem and marry a full production chain

Monopolygamy.

I mean, if your harem is full of blacksmiths would that make it a polyhammerous relationship?

You could make a whole polyarmory