PATRICK: So, what's the plan, Sam? You want to go to Mary Elizabeth's house? SAM: Can't. She got caught watering down her parent's brandy with iced tea. Let't just go to Kings.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Third mood: I can do this ONE THING FOR HOURS WITHOUT STOPPING BUT IF YOU INTERRUPT ME I CAN NEVER DO IT AGAIN

That fucking last one. Friends: WOAH! YOU DID WHAT WITHOUT STOPPING FOR HOW LONG?! YOU ARE SO DEDICATED! I WISH I HAD YOUR FOCUS. Me: Every muscle in my body hurts, and I forgot I was alive.

Aristotle said “Manly men are attracted to manly things”, and the manliest of things are men. This implies the manliest of men have to be gay

Your “lazy” son or daughter may actually be clinically depressed

Man I hate it when people use the pronoun “you” as a singular pronoun in an informal setting. “You” is plural, unless thou dost speak to an unfamiliar person. The correct singular second person pronoun is “thou” in most cases. Grammar never changes. Pronouns must always stay one way until the end of time. Learn thy proper English. *sigh* Kids these days.

If thou this mistake shouldst make on thine own blog, then know, villain, that thou art a dirty descriptivist, and no friend of mine. Ne'er should language itself alter, it doth remain fixèd as such, untouch’d by change. Wouldst thou, vile descriptivist, that we forget the heritage of our great tongue? Nay, say I. Thou art but a dickhead who sayest so.

stynt ðy clappe! beoð ðo writerris be wetleas knafen. ðy langag o engelond diffoulened be, ille usenid bi sclaundrous novelri.

I hate English

English might seem complicated, but it can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

Fuck you

The second last one though

rabbits only flop over like that if they feel completely safe btw

to elaborate: bunnies are prey animals and almost never have their guard down– even when they’re resting they’ll usually have their back legs in a position that allows them to quickly run away. if they’re jumping around it means they’re extremely happy!! and if they flop down w/o a care that means they feel very very comfortable and safe to the point of not having to worry about their surroundings. ^__^

oh she got a wig on?

why are non-millennials so personally offended by everything? like if i’m still wearing my jacket indoors, it’s because i’m cold, not because i disrespect your home/your classroom !! if somebody has got your order wrong, it’s because they’re very busy and simply made a mistake, not because they’re trying to jeopardise your meal !! if somebodies phone rings during a meeting/lecture, it’s because they accidentally forgot to put it on silent, not because they want to disrupt your speech !! just calm down, sharon, not everything is about you

its funny how you say non-millennials as if millennials aren’t offended bei every little tiny thing that could possibly happen

being offended by wearing a coat inside is very different to being offended by violent racism but sure enjoy your tea

I’m glad the west ran out of cat memes, so now we have to import them from Russia and Japan

Losing an argument when you’re right just because the other person is too stupid to understand what you’re saying is probably one of the most infuriating things in the entire fucking universe

hgfxdesyu5i6r7touih;obvgjcfesyudfiuygbj