A Brave New World

apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office

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what they DONT tell you about clarinets is that you have to fucking build the damn thing every single time. "what instrument do you play" fucking legos man idk

about build clarinets damn do DONT every fucking fucking have idk instrument is legos man play" single tell that the they thing time. to what "what you you you

I really need to start reading the blog name because I thought I was having some sort of moment right there.

Step back everyone. This post requires the delicate touch of an annoying gimmick blog

What if everything gets better in 2016

free use is kind of a funny kink bc it relies on the idea that everybody wants to touch you and have sex with you but what if they don't. what if you tell everybody at the party you're free use but they all ignore you and mind their own business

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do

theres a whole album of song titles you can make just from the words of this tweet

this makes smoking weed sound so much cooler than it is

fiction got off soooo lucky with dreams and hallucinations. imagine if the human brain didn't come with a built-in path to surreal imagery that could perfectly represent abstract themes and emotional truths through metaphor. we'd be so fucked man

London mutuals what is there to do that’s cheap and not alcohol based?

bongs at croydon

there’s a bloke at clappham common who will suck your dick for £4.50 hell even play with your balls for an extra quid

I have 0 desire to meet you let alone give you money

£3.50?

dropped my tacos al pastor in a puddle fml