my trunk of humors

i walk into a room and say what are you doing. hobb is standing with her knife poised over chade fallstar. she says i'm not doing anything. i say are you killing fitz's father figure off-screen again so he has to mourn alone. she says noooo. i say give me the knife. she says noooo.

did anyone know that if you read 200 pages of assassin’s fate in one sitting you will feel not so good

“oddly enough an Elderling named Sedric was raising the child with Carson” I don’t think anyone has ever had a worse gaydar than fitz except maybe alise. it’s honestly impressive. sedric meldar is the final test and they’re the only two people to have ever failed it

overhearing my neighbor rant on the phone top of his lungs and his friend is saying something in calm voice and he goes NO. NO NUANCE. STOP SAYING NUANCE. MY BOSS NEEDS TO DIE

controversial stance but i do wish i could live forever. i certainly live like i'm going to live forever. i take my time. realistically however my lifespan is dreadfully limited and there are things i've "been meaning to do" that i will never get around to. the Emoji Movie came out almost 10 years ago. in all that time on any random day i could've decided to sit down and watch it, and i did not. how many more decades will slip by like this? conceivably, it could be all the decades i have left. watching the Emoji Movie would not be, after all, a crucial use of my time. much better things to do. i could easily postpone it over and over and over until my final breath where it may not even register to me that i never did watch the Emoji Movie. no great loss, certainly; and yet i find myself intrigued by Patrick Stewart's involvement

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard