ok what has life become really OMG? it's been so many years since I was last on this app. I am going to try to use it as my diary now lol because why not?
Major updates, I'm shifting to a new apartment now. I got a job. I made some really good friends along the way and I am at my happiest point in life (pls don't spoil it, i believe in nazar).
I am on Testosterone finally!! And it's been 5 months. I have legally changed my name and gender on all my government documents and I am so proud of myself for making it till here. It has always just been a dream, something I would think of as an escape from real life - an authentic life where i would t have to hide who I was. And here I am today. Alive and living that dream.
I am going to therapy and my therapist is one of my biggest allies. She's a very kind person and I couldn't have asked for a better therapist. I'm going to tell her about coming back to Tumblr again lol.
In my therapy sessions we learned that I have a lot of trauma related to self identity and relationships (shocker) so my therapist asked me to write poems about my feelings (because i genuinely enjoy writing poetry and other creative forms of written art) so here's one that I wrote recently:
The Boy at the Coffee Shop
I went to a coffee shop today,
Sipping slow, lost in the day.
Calm and quiet, thoughts collected,
When something new became detected.
A little boy caught my eye,
In the corner, trying not to cry.
His eyes were wet, his face turned low,
A silent ache he didnât show.
I glanced around to find who came
Perhaps the parents? Felt the same?
They sat beside him, unaware,
Blind to the pain that lingered there.
With tissue in hand, I knelt by his side,
âWhy are you crying?â I softly tried.
He didnât speak, just stared ahead,
Out the window, tears unsaid.
I asked again, my voice still kind:
âWhy are you crying? Whatâs on your mind?â
He finally whispered, soft and slight,
âBecause I cannot breathe at night.â
My chest grew tight, my breath turned rough,
The air around me felt too tough.
I gripped the table, knuckles white,
A wave of pain, a silent fight.
âDo you feel it too?â he said.
And I could only bow my head.
No words, just gasps I couldnât hide,
Watching the waves outside collide.
But then it stopped, the choking air,
When I saw the mother smile and stare.
A scent of coffee filled my chest,
My lungs returned to peaceful rest.
But he- he hadnât felt it yet.
Still holding pain, his brow was wet.
He clutched his chest, his lips were pale,
And tears from me began to trail.
I pulled him close into my arms,
Whispered safety, offered calm.
âItâs going to be okay,â I said.
He held me like the world might break,
He huffed and puffed, his cheeks went red.
As if his soul was still awake.
âPromise?â he asked, his voice so small.
âPromise,â I said, and felt it all,
The weight, the hope, the choice to stay,
And knew Iâm going to be okay.
-SK
Yeah...that was heavy but it is also one of my most favourite poems I've ever penned. There is also one called "The Wise Man and the Fool" that I absolutely love. It's a very long one and honestly, I don't even remember the inspiration for that. It just came to me.
With that, I would like to go to bed because I'm moving tomorrow and it's going to be a hectic day.
I've been obsessed w this song lately so here's for y'all!







