The Unbearable Weight of "She": Why Calling Yashiro a Woman Misunderstands His Trauma
Fandom is a beautiful thing. It’s where we go to dissect the stories we love, explore what-ifs, and see characters through new lenses. From analyzing subtext to creating elaborate alternate universes, we engage with media on a deeper level. But sometimes, in our enthusiasm, we can stray into territory that, while well-intentioned, clashes with the very foundation of a character's journey.
Recently, I was reminded of this while reading a fan discussion. I saw someone refer to the character Yashiro from Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai using "she" and "her." Initially, I assumed it was a simple grammatical error. But as I read more, I realized this was an intentional interpretation held by some fans who see him as a trans or non-binary character.
I find this deeply sad and profoundly upsetting.
On the surface, it might seem like a harmless or even progressive act of interpretation. But to understand the weight of this, we have to look at the core of Yashiro's trauma, the very thing that has shaped his entire existence.
Content Warning: This post contains discussions of rape, abuse, body shaming, and psychological trauma related to the manga Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai. Please proceed with caution.
The Echo of an Abuser: The Stepfather's Poison
Yashiro's story is built upon a foundation of brutal abuse. As a young boy, he was systematically raped by his stepfather, a man who weaponized psychological cruelty alongside physical violence. During these assaults, his stepfather would tell him:
"Listen up... YOU'RE A GIRL! GOD MADE YOU MALE BY MISTAKE!"
He then goes on explaining to the traumatized Yashiro how his body accepts his di*k and then expands to Yashiro (the child Yashiro) how babies are made, and about him being pregnant!???. And he says more, but I don’t want to write it all; it’s disgusting and disturbing. You can see the shocked reaction from that poor little Yashiro.
"Listen up... YOU'RE A GIRL! GOD MADE YOU MALE BY MISTAKE!" This is not a throwaway line. It is the central pillar upon which Yashiro’s self-loathing is built. These words didn't just hurt him; they became the toxic lens through which he views himself and the world. Because of his stepfather’s assertion, Yashiro developed a profound and painful complex: he believes that because he is not a woman, he is fundamentally unworthy of love, kindness, or gentleness.
Whenever someone shows him genuine care, his immediate instinct is to reject it. He runs away as if he's been burned because his abuser’s voice echoes in his head, telling him he doesn't deserve it. He sees his own gentleness and beauty as a flaw, a mistake to be corrected. This is the source of his emotional distance and pain.
The Pattern of Pain: Gentleness as a Trigger
This isn't just interpretation; the text shows us this pattern again and again. Let's look at the evidence:
Chapter 10: When a yakuza begins to treat Yashiro gently and with affection, Yashiro’s first thought is, “I’m being treated as a woman!” His reaction is visceral: he feels sick and forces the man to stop, by getting him kicked out of the Yakuza.
Chapter 21: In the car, when Doumeki acts gently with him, Yashiro becomes irritated and snaps, “I’m not a woman, don’t do it so gently!”
Chapter 24: Doumeki’s gentle behavior during sex makes Yashiro so physically ill that he wants to throw up.
Chapter 25: Yashiro demands Doumeki do it roughly and make it hurt during sex, but Doumeki refuses, saying, “I won’t. Look at how much you’re enjoying it, even without that.” Yashiro then asks, “But, why?” In his mind, he doesn’t understand why he begins to enjoy the gentle sex with Doumeki. Remember, his concepts have been twisted by his stepfather: gentleness = women, and “he’s not a woman.” While having sex with Doumeki, Yashiro’s mind suddenly plays the old tape of his stepfather’s abuse, the man who had sex with him is no longer Doumeki; Doumeki’s voice fades and becomes his stepfather’s. After this, Yashiro’s body shakes, and he starts to cry. Doumeki looks at him, wondering why he’s crying. It’s like he has one side of the puzzle: he knows about Yashiro’s sexual abuse, but he doesn’t know the full extent of the trauma or why the more he cares and becomes gentle, the more Yashiro runs away, rejecting him. Yashiro wants to protect his identity , “he’s not a woman.”
Chapter 50: Titled “Wanting to Destroy Everything,” this chapter’s content is revealing. When Doumeki asks Yashiro, “Or could it be you WISH to be treated GENTLY instead?” it triggers Yashiro. Soon after, Yashiro sees Doumeki with the Madam, and the connection clicks. He flees immediately, seeking out Kiddo and asking him to violate him just like the old times, returning to the familiar pain he believes he deserves.
Chapters 51–52: After Yashiro has rough sex with an angry Doumeki, he’s not triggered by the violence but is hurt deep inside because he’s in love with Doumeki, yet he refuses to admit it. When Yashiro takes a shower and sees how rough Doumeki was, his expression turns to sadness, and he thinks, “He must only be gentle with women.”
Chapter 63: When Yashiro is worried about Doumeki and goes to his place, he finds the door open and sees the Madam sitting next to Doumeki. He might think, “Doumeki’s woman is here; why am I here?” That’s probably why he immediately flees, saying, “I can see that I’m intruding. I’ll leave.” But he doesn’t realize that he has a place in Doumeki’s life. I was happy when Doumeki got up to stop Yashiro from leaving.
Random chapters: Whenever Ryuuzaki mentions the word "woman," Yashiro’s expression changes into a sad smile. We know Ryuuzaki had the stupid thought, “If Yashiro was a woman, he would have been protected.” Ryuuzaki admits that his thought was stupid. Yashiro doesn’t have to be a woman to be protected or loved. Ryuuzaki understands that he loves and cares for a MAN named Yashiro, he loves him as he is, but he would never admit that to Yashiro.
The Pattern Is Undeniable
He believes he is a mistake. He believes his existence is wrong. He believes he deserves punishment for being born male.
He even thinks sex is supposed to be painful because he is "not a woman." Why do you think he seeks out so many sexual partners if he was abused as a child? If that were the case, he would hate sex with men. We saw Doumeki’s sister, who was abused by her stepfather, hated sex. Even acts like giving her a condom reminded her of the abuse. It’s not sex that triggers his trauma, it’s the gentleness, the act of being treated as if he is worthy of care, “being treated as a woman,” which he believes is a right reserved only for women.
Even Doumeki has a hard time understanding why Yashiro acts like this, especially with him. Yashiro accepts sex with other men, so why does he reject sex with Doumeki? No one truly knows the real reason, even Yashiro himself. That’s evident when he thinks, “I blame him for being cruel, but the moment I’m treated gently, I want to run away.” He knows gentle sex makes him sick and wants to escape, but he doesn’t understand why. He always says, “I’m not a woman,” but I highly doubt he understands why he says that every time someone acts gentle with him.
I believe the beginning of his healing will be when Doumeki tells Yashiro he loves him. Maybe Yashiro won’t accept that at first, but I believe that once he understands Doumeki loves him as he is, many wounds inside Yashiro’s heart will begin to heal. Yashiro, who never knew what being loved looks like, not even from his own mother.
When Fanon Validates the Trauma
This is why referring to Yashiro as "she" feels so wrong. It is an act that, whether intentional or not, validates the abuser’s narrative. It takes the poison his stepfather used to break him and reframes it as an acceptable identity. It aligns with the perspective of the man who destroyed his sense of self.
Yashiro is confident in his own body; he has no shame. We saw him walking completely naked in front of others comfortably, having sex not just with one, but with a group of Yakuza members. He is a proud man, more than anyone else. So why are some fans acting as if he’s a woman? Is he so beautiful that you can’t accept him as a man? Does his gentle nature somehow make him a woman?
Yashiro has never expressed a desire to be a woman; on the contrary, the very suggestion of it makes him sick. His journey isn’t about discovering a different gender identity; it’s about the painful, slow process of learning that he can be loved as a man, that he deserves kindness and love exactly as he is.
To call him "she" is to erase the very essence of his struggle. It’s like looking at a prisoner fighting to break free from a cage and saying, “You look so natural in there.” It’s a cruel irony, even if it’s not intended.
Fandom is born from love, but sometimes that love can unintentionally echo the words of an abuser when it fails to see the character for who they truly are. Yashiro’s fight is not to become a woman; it is to accept himself as a man who is finally worthy of love. So, to those who refer to him as "she," I have to ask: do you see his struggle, or are you siding with the man who broke him?
