Casual cow enjoyer

"i just think he’s neat"

"Dilf, now in fluffy form"

ROUND 1 — Match 1 of 138

Valdemar (The Arcana)

Problematic because: "Valdemar is Lucio’s Quaestor and head physician during the Red Plague. They’re hired to help cure the plague, especially Lucio, but they deliberately drag the process out because they’re more interested in experimenting than helping people. They dissect bodies (and vivisect people alive - like, they're obsessed with vivisection), use the plague as an opportunity for 'medical research', and are tied to the secret dungeon/lab under the palace. They also make deals with the Devil, weaken Death through that connection, and are one of the most openly cruel courtiers. They’re not conflicted about it either." Propaganda: "They’re one of the few Arcana characters who doesn’t really bother pretending to be nicer than they are. They’re calm, clinical, creepy, and very direct about their interests, which makes them stand out from the other courtiers in a different way. I like them because they bring a more medical-horror flavour to the story. Lucio is selfish and theatrical, Vulgora is loud violence, Volta is sad hunger, Vlastomil is gross and corrupt, but Valdemar is controlled. They feel dangerous because they’re curious, not because they’re angry, which makes them very effective as a villain."

vs. Keith (Date Everything!)

Problematic because: "He starts off as this sweet older skeleton key you find in the crawlspace, and the game very much wants you to go “aw, poor guy, why was he left down there?” He helps you open the attic, talks about not remembering what happened to him, and if you follow his route he gets you to help hack into an old online journal/account to “solve” his past. The route also keeps warning you not to question his innocence too much if you want the Love ending, which is already a little suspicious in hindsight. Then you Realize him - basically turn him into a human - and the nice old man act drops. He reveals he’s been using you, takes your money, and bails. So he builds trust, plays vulnerable, gets the player to help him access money, hurts Dorian in the process too, and then leaves everyone standing there like. Oh. Okay. Grandpa was evil actually." Propaganda: 1. "Keith is a really fun kind of awful because the betrayal actually works on the player. You meet him, he seems gentle and sad, he has history with Dorian, and the whole game has trained you to expect weird little object-people with emotional baggage. So when it turns out he’s been playing you, it’s mean, but it’s also kind of brilliant. I like that he’s one of the few routes where the game goes, no, sometimes the suspiciously charming person really was suspicious. He’s horrible for it, but I can’t pretend it wasn’t memorable." 2. "keith is so evil for making me care about him first. like sir you are a key. why are you emotionally scamming me. he acts all sweet and wounded and “oh no i was abandoned in the crawlspace” and then the second he gets a human body he’s off with your money. and poor dorian has to deal with the emotional fallout too!! awful man. but also unfortunately very funny" 3. "getting catfished by a skeleton key is insane and he deserves recognition for that alone. he’s lying in the crawlspace like a sad little object granddad, gets you to trust him, gets you to help with his whole mystery, and then immediately pulls the dating sim equivalent of stealing your wallet and fleeing the country"

He craves intimacy...

Regular people: Wait, the King has easily stolen potatoes? How do I get in on this?

1. Apulanta - Vasten mun kasvojani

2. Steppenwolf - Born To Be Wild

3. Dingo - Hän on se

4. Everybody Loves an Outlaw - I See Red

5. Britney Spears - Criminal

6. Haloo Helsinki! - Maailman toisella puolen

7. Queen - The Show Must Go On

8. SANNI - SANNI

9. Behm - Päästä varpaisiin

10. Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb

11. Niall Horan - Paper Houses

12. Harry Styles - Adore You

13. Rihanna feat Ne-Yo - Hate That I Love You

Some of these I have placed on repeat intentionally though, for fic idea related reasons and the like. Such as Criminal, for the modern-ish crime gang AU featuring severely imbalanced Sihvonen/Rahikainen that I yapped about to a friend the other day. Or SANNI and I See Red, for those cloud box Bianca of Skalitz feels I fell into some time back. Or Vasten mun kasvojani, for the entirely too vague to put into words just yet Koskela-centric end of war... something, involving either Hietanen, or Kariluoto, or, possibly, both. Or Adore You, for endless pining in the specific flavour of Theresa/Johanka. 🥹

1. From Eden - Hozier (Isterik and Carlton Lassiter playlists)

2. As The World Falls Down - David Bowie

3. Soldier, Poet, King - The Oh Hellos

4. Natural - Imagine Dragons (Erik playlist)

5. Ring of Fire - Johnny Cash

6. Daddy Cool - Boney M. (Carlton Lassiter & Istvan Toth)

7. The Good, The Bad And The Ugly - 2004 Remaster - Ennio Morricone (Carlton Lassiter)

8. A Little Less Conversation - Elvis Presley (Carlton Lassiter)

9. Somethin' Stupid - Frank Sinatra, Nancy Sinatra (Carlton Lassiter. I've also intentionally played this on repeat lately for Kosmio (Koskela/Lammio) purposes. Plus it's a damn gorgeous song.)

10. Business Man - Tom Cardy (Carlton Lassiter, also just a fun song to listen to while walking home)

11. House of the Rising Sun - The Animals

12. Kill All Your Friends - My Chemical Romance (I think this one is on my Erik playlist as well as other KCD ones like I think. Adder?)

13. Kitchen Without Gun (Extended Mix) - YouSeeKenny (Another banger to walk home or do chores to. Also an essential part of my Carlton Lassiter playlist.)

Reason:

Content Warnings: Religion, food, symbolic cannibalism, symbolic gore, penis mention, Blasphemy, SO MUCH BLASPHEMY, weapons, war mention.  Mind the warnings and your health always comes first. Its a HILARIOUS story, I promise.

As always, all the names have been changed to protect people’s identities.  This is a long one, so Press J now if you want to skip it.

When my dad was a young man and still a practicing catholic, he participated in a small church communion that nearly got him and six other people excommunicated.

Father Patrick ran a small church outside of California Polytechnical and tended to be… rather more liberal in his interpretations of scripture than most of the church was, which made him something of a hit with the local students and liberally-inclined populace.  Pat went to all manner of civil demonstrations, condemned the shit out of the vietnam war and the politics that lead to it and so on.  In January of 1969 a series of incidents lead him to start exploring “nontraditional” means of holding Mass as a means of reaching out to his community and exploring his own faith, which ultimately culminated in the 1969 Easter Mass Incident.

For those of you who weren’t raised catholic, Communion is this ritual where you become one with Jesus by eating a really horrible bland wafer cookie and taking a shot of wine (called hosts), which then *literally* become the flesh and blood of jesus in your mouth, allowing him to become one with you.  It’s big McFucking deal, and you have the opportunity to take communion at every mass.  All this had to be explained to me second-hand because after this and Dad’s 51 days in the army, Dad decided he wouldn’t inflict religion on any children he might have in the future.

*

“Hey dad,” Six-year old me asked the first time he told me this story after my practicing friends were talking about getting wine at church. “Isn’t that cannibalism?”

“We’re getting to that.”  He waved.

𓃗 @foxhardt

you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

🦄 @wizardshark

This post is from 2013. It has less than 100 notes. Together we can revive this work of art that tragically ahead of its time. We’re ready for it now