it's me, i'm a tree

My Very Punctual Wife Gets My Night Worm can also be used to remember the order of the planets in the solar system!

Mercury Venus Pearth Wars Goopiter Maturn Nuranus Weptune

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

i hate this stupid fucking video my girlfriend keeps playing it when we’re sharing comfortable moments of silence and it’s ruined by this stupid fucking orange slut getting water boarded by toothpaste

all the world will be your enemy, prince with a thousand enemies who lives on a world with a 1001 people

i have wild sentences roaming through me at all times

All of this and also “Enemy” by Imagine Dragons

An evil scientist is not nearly as scary as an unethical scientist. i know what an evil scientist will do. they'll build a death ray or a reality bomb to hold the world hostage. but an unethical scientist? who knows what theyre about to do. they could make device that turns everyones hands into feet and then i gotta awkwardly explain why i have a boner.

you like feet, don't you

no, you see thats the thing. i dont. but the idea of having useless thigns at the end your wrist... see this is the awkward conversation i didnt wanna have!

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable