καὶ σύ, τέκνον?

Daniel being queer and a homophobic bitch at the same time.

Bonus:

~ saint of all that was lost ~

“What.”

“Health testing for Boston was one two weeks ago.” Rozanov had his eyebrows raised like this was supposed to mean something. It did not.

“Okay?”

“I got my STI results.”

Shane stilled beneath Rozanov.

Rozanov felt it and rubbed a deft hand up Shane’s bare side. “I’m completely clean.”

Shane relaxed at that but his anxiety was quickly replaced with confusion. Why was Rozanov saying this? “Good for you.”

Rozanov lips curled up like they did when Shane did something boring. Shane frowned.

“Are you clean? Do you know?” Rozanov prompted.

Oh.

“Uh, yeah. I am.”

Shane can’t remember the last time he got tested but it didn’t matter. He knew how many sexual partners he’d had since (one) and (now) he knew that man’s status (completely clean).

“Why?” Shane ventured.

“I have been thinking, about…” Rozanov thumbed at the lube resting by Shane’s head. “Maybe only using this. Not…” he met Shane’s eyes and Shane folded like a house of cards. Whatever he was about to say, he was getting. “Maybe not using a condom this time.”

Oh fuck

-

Shane couldn’t move for 4 minutes after he came. It was about 6 more before Rozanov gained enough strength to pull himself off of Shane’s chest.

“Hollander,” Rozanov’s voice was breathy and plan-less. Then, “I’m getting rid of all my condoms.”

Shane let out a huffed disproving laugh. It was all he had strength for.

Rozanov’s arm was swung around his own head, and his hand played mercilessly with his ear. “We could stop using them. But…”

Shane frowned. “What?”

“We would both have to stop hooking up with other people.”

Shane didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t hooking up with other people.

Rozanov soldiered on. “It would be worth it for me. Would it be worth it for you?” A pause. “Do you want to?”

Did Shane want Rozanov to stop hooking up with anyone else just so he could ride Shane bareback roughly six times a year? It was shameful how much the answer was yes.

“Yeah okay let’s do it.” Shane said, calm out of sheer force of will.

Rozanov didn’t reply, he just swung around to shove his tongue into Shane’s mouth with the force of a thousands suns and didn’t pull away until he’d soaked up every noise he could draw out of Shane.

“Pass me the mayo, Shane.”

Shane moved to reach down the counter. Then the rest of the sentence processed and ice dumped down his spine. “What did you just call me?”

Rozanov’s jaw flapped a few times. Then he giggled like the world hadn’t just shifted on its axis. He laughed like Shane was being silly. “Slip of the tongue.” He shrugged. “But really, I haven’t fucked anyone else for a year and a half. And I haven’t wanted to fuck anyone else even longer. Do I really have to exclusively call you by your last name at this point?” Then, as if planning for the case that that was what Shane wanted, Rozanov grinned and leaned over the counter to peck Shane’s lips. “Last names are hot, though.”

Shane didn’t allow his brain to shatter. He took the pieces trying to fall out his ears and shoved them back in. What Rozanov said made sense.

What? Were they expecting to just call each other their last names for the rest of their lives?

“You can call me Shane.” Then, with more bravery than Shane felt. “Ilya.”

Ilya’s smile was Cheshire. “So are you going to pass me the mayonnaise or…”

“Oh. Fuck.” Shane tossed it over.

-

It was only that night, lying next to Ilya, with traces of cum and first names on Shane’s lips did it occur to him what Ilya had said.

And I haven’t wanted to fuck anyone else even longer.

And what he himself had fallen into thinking

What were they expecting to just call each other their last names for the rest of their lives?

Shane felt like panicking, Ilya had wanted him, only him, for years? He shouldn’t have said yes to this. What was he thinking? The idea of the rest of their lives?

But, it was too late to change anything now, right? He couldn’t leave. That would be weird. Besides, his clothes were still tumbling in the dryer down the hall—to be put on in the morning only after breakfast. He couldn’t leave.

Ilya wasn't going to take more time in moscow, but Shane had suggested it because he cared. He'd talked to ilya about his past and furture while they got eachother off on the phone. He'd called Ilya hansome. He didn't do that very often. and when he was breaking, Ilya had Shane to call. And Shane had listened to his rant in Russian without complaint. Ilya had spilled his fears and dreams and his love. One day he hoped maybe Shane could feel free enough to love someone. He knew for now, that wasn't the case.

This felt like something at least. Shane cared, he listened. Maybe, not aloud to himself, but in his heart, maybe there he loved too.

Well almost, except for three words burning on Ilya's tongue that he absolutely could. not. say. -

“What.”

“Health testing for Boston was one two weeks ago.” Rozanov had his eyebrows raised like this was supposed to mean something. It did not.

“Okay?”

“I got my STI results.”

Shane stilled beneath Rozanov.

Rozanov felt it and rubbed a deft hand up Shane’s bare side. “I’m completely clean.”

Shane relaxed at that but his anxiety was quickly replaced with confusion. Why was Rozanov saying this? “Good for you.”

Rozanov lips curled up like they did when Shane did something boring. Shane frowned.

“Are you clean? Do you know?” Rozanov prompted.

Oh.

“Uh, yeah. I am.”

Shane can’t remember the last time he got tested but it didn’t matter. He knew how many sexual partners he’d had since (one) and (now) he knew that man’s status (completely clean).

“Why?” Shane ventured.

“I have been thinking, about…” Rozanov thumbed at the lube resting by Shane’s head. “Maybe only using this. Not…” he met Shane’s eyes and Shane folded like a house of cards. Whatever he was about to say, he was getting. “Maybe not using a condom this time.”

Oh fuck

-

Shane couldn’t move for 4 minutes after he came. It was about 6 more before Rozanov gained enough strength to pull himself off of Shane’s chest.

“Hollander,” Rozanov’s voice was breathy and plan-less. Then, “I’m getting rid of all my condoms.”

Shane let out a huffed disproving laugh. It was all he had strength for.

Rozanov’s arm was swung around his own head, and his hand played mercilessly with his ear. “We could stop using them. But…”

Shane frowned. “What?”

“We would both have to stop hooking up with other people.”

Shane didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t hooking up with other people.

Rozanov soldiered on. “It would be worth it for me. Would it be worth it for you?” A pause. “Do you want to?”

Did Shane want Rozanov to stop hooking up with anyone else just so he could ride Shane bareback roughly six times a year? It was shameful how much the answer was yes.

“Yeah okay let’s do it.” Shane said, calm out of sheer force of will.

Rozanov didn’t reply, he just swung around to shove his tongue into Shane’s mouth with the force of a thousands suns and didn’t pull away until he’d soaked up every noise he could draw out of Shane.

play like a white onion