sometimes sentient

Admitting they had begun to think it might never happen, the family of local 57-year-old Doug Reeves told reporters Wednesday the late-blooming dad is just now getting into American Civil War history.

Relatives said that Reeves, who for most of his fatherhood seemed to pay little attention to the Civil War, has started to come into his own this year, expressing a newfound curiosity toward the decisive battles, weaponry, and underlying causes of the mid-19th-century conflict.

In a revelation that prompted widespread calls for producers to remove him from the reality show’s villa, Love Island USA contestant Bryce Dettloff reportedly found himself under fire Thursday after newly surfaced photos showed the cast member wearing a shirt. “This is a total betrayal of viewers,” fan Kayla Robinson said of the shocking Instagram photo internet sleuths dug up from 2019, adding that the then-23-year-old Dettloff had exhibited a disturbing lack of judgment by posing in a polyester crew neck.