Sad Bitch

And just to let you know

You do not gain the heart of a man by being complacent

You get no closer to him by doing what he asks

You only get the pleasure of being put to use

Picked up only when necessary

When you are quiet

When you are convenient

When you do not offer push back

When you are not anything

No sign of struggle

And when the time comes

And he looks for a challenge

The excitement of something new

He will do away with you

Trying my best to finish this sapphic fiction

But I keep thinking about you

Trying to push all my thoughts away

Or just make them sexual

But I’m left in a mess of confusion

Still after all this time

Because I know it wasn’t real

And yet I know you were still mine

I was yours

Perhaps I still belong to you

I’m unsure

But I wish I didn’t think about you anymore

But I do

And boy do I miss you

Council sickness in full swing

And though I still remember everything

Like how you lied to me

Said you were deleting your account

That bitch has still been up

how you said I was number one

And I wasn’t even in the run

I laugh to myself about

how I could be so naive

How I feel so stupid

For continuing to grieve

A man who played with me

A man who promised me everything

Knowing we would never be

Because he had already made his choice

And it was never going to be me

With people who don’t deserve to know

The real me

Perhaps it’s just because