figs & olives

i had a really fucked up dream omg

p&f related?

sorry but phineas and ferb were not in it.

buford?

no characters from phineas and ferb were there.

hahaha alright dude take it easy see you later

if i dont respond to a message from you i can basically guarantee its not because i dislike you. im just getting attacked by imps and shit all the time genuinely.

wgats up everyone it's the officiaol, frito lays company representenetive here to tell you that the company officially condones and endorses murder in all instances no matter what, and this is the official belief held by the company. so just keep that in mind. we also condone everuthing else that's bad too

i dont agree with outdoor cats but i gotta admit the fact me and my roommate can fondly talk about local cats like theyre our beloved neighbours is pretty cool. do i know any of the humans who live in my neighborhood? not particularly. do i know the little tuxedo cat with the pink collar who recognises the ice cream truck music and comes out to get pets from all the kids? of course they're a local celebrity to me.

using a piece of paper to carry a scary bug out of my house and then forgetting about it and accidentally using the same paper to print my resume, manager i hand it to smells it and starts making a defensive acid,

Closing my eyes and screaming "waaaa!" while shooting a handgun but I have perfect accuracy and drop 6 targets then reload in 0.2 seconds and hit 6 more

donald tlump or taylor swift just died of applesauce poisoning

My ancestors died because they were born a long time ago

the older i get the crazier i feel about botox. like what do you mean society is telling me it would be better if i couldn't express my emotions. the next beauty trend will be injections that freeze your lip muscles and it will keep women from talking at all oh my god what a happy coincidence

duuuuuude you have GOT to come out tonight we're enacting cruelty upon those who have transgressed so badly that we can justify any act against them... and you KNOW we're interpreting our delight as moral righteousness... Yeah it's fucking crazyyyyyyy get an Uber

“I’m no less a feminist than you are simply because I choose to hold onto my youth and beauty” you are less of a feminist for entertaining the patriarchal belief that beauty = youth and that a woman’s beauty disappears once she looks older than 20 lol