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a glass of water is a potion that transforms you into a more hydrated version of you

or a wetter version, depends how it is administered

You’d think that once you finally get long term access to a cat and your yearning to have cat access is fulfilled that you’d become slightly less obsessed with seeing people’s cats but no if anything it gets worse

nobody else doing it like me. particularly because the way i’m doing it is needlessly difficult

studying history is like. here's to another beautiful day of not being pregnant and of having no obligation to ever be. thank you women who fight for abortion and contraception and independance from men for another beautiful day of not being pregnant and of having no obligation to ever be

Character duo where one *remembers I don’t like fitting characters into trope boxes* is a completely fleshed out and realised person *remembers treating characters as real people and not story devices written with intent is bad* who is written by the author and *remembers death of the author* uh. And *fumbles and drops my pile of queue cards* ah fuck wait no *the menacing horse* what was that.

Men who talk shit about gold diggers underestimate the grit it takes to put up with an insufferable man, even when money is involved. We should be thanking them for their service like they are veterans.

all roads lead to road dude. and when in road do as the rodents do.

the annoying thing about weightlifting is that you have to lift weights that are a little too heavy for you if you want to get stronger. and you have to push yourself outside of your comfort zone in order to keep building muscle. fucked up.

thank god this same principle doesnt apply to any other skill you want to improve at! that would really suck.

Alcohol is crazy. One small cocktail enters your body and fifteen minutes later, it has transmogrifie into like a gallon of piss

That is the drunkest way I could have spelled that