you never know

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

music not hitting, phone not hitting, Minecraft not hitting, food not hitting, mouth taste like blood, death comes for us all

Hey can you guys post in big font today i’m trying to drive

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

Being sick as hell and your cats who never cuddle with you suddenly need to be touching you as though they're mourning children at the bedside of a dying lord waiting to bequeath an inheritance

Woke up this morning to find I had been abandoned by my progeny. Ungrateful swine, I will be writing them out of my will.

every day it gets harder to have a relaxed jaw and decent posture