It’s so unfair i don’t get to see where evolution will go in 50 million years
Ooooh I'm so excited!
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@marsuni
It’s so unfair i don’t get to see where evolution will go in 50 million years
Ooooh I'm so excited!

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Sometimes on guard duty I have to put my foot down about something and every so often the person I'm speaking to will say some shit like "You get off on this, don't you?"
And while I understand they MEAN to say "you're on a power trip" or "you are taking this rule too seriously", I am always, always struck by the temptation to go, "Yep. You got me. All my life I've been slowly training towards the ultimate sexual high of forcing a thirty-something tryhard in a backwards snapback to remove his dad's preowned Ford F-150 from the dollar store fire lane. Nothing revs my engine quite like forcing guys named Dustin to submit to regional traffic laws. Ooh, are you gonna be a dirty boy and leave it idling too?"
fuckin dipshit
this reply made me laugh harder than any reply I think I've ever gotten
given the current climate this pride especially i feel i must mention that i love my trans friends, i stand with trans people in the fight against transphobic legislation and those who would enforce it, and this blog is not a good place for you to be if you do not vibe with that

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I think if zoidberg moved into bikini bottom he wouldnt look out of place at all i wouldnt even notice him there
I like how polite he is because he isnt intruding but curious somewhat
Today's snail: Pyrazus ebeninus | Hercules Club Mud Whelk
had some time to chat with the verizon wireless guy while my phone was getting set up and he’s a straight guy it turns out he has two moms and used to DJ for drag events. culturally LGBT
On top of the Yankees field cat there was a praying mantis on top of the nationals players hat tonight. Huge night in baseball
He was keeping the mantis updated on the number of outs, too
the mantis is making him good at baseball ratatouille style
Listen, nobody on earth is as superstitious as baseball players. My man knows better than to be impolite to the good luck charm that decided to grace him with its presence.

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Mammu! Finius and Ferbingetorix built Rome in a day!
I feel like this also implies that rome is somehow being destroyed by the end of the day
The Emperor Constantine loves Finius and Ferbingetorix's "New Rome" so much that he makes it his new capital and names it after himself.
Yeah that checks out.
What's the doofenschmirtz contraption/scheme of the day?
Doofenric the Ostrogoth (insert jokes about his daughter Vanessa being "Goth" but in the modern sense) invented a City-Mover-Inator to move Rome across the Danube so his Germanic confederation could sack it.
Thankfully, Agent Pericles stops him by redirecting the Inator to Finius and Ferbingetorix's New Rome instead, moving it to the Bosphorus.
While Pericles and Doofenric are fighting over the controls of the Inator, it gets accidentally changed to paint remover mode and then fired at a random direction.
Somewhere nearby a painter just finished coloring the statue of the emperor when suddenly all the paint gets removed.
Painter: Aw...
Painter, giving it a second look: Hmmm... 🤔
Candysseia: What animal even is Pericles?
Finius: We named it "platypus", meaning flat-foot.
Ferbingetorix: On account of his feet being flat.
Candysseia: And where did he come from?
Febingetorix: We have no earthly idea.
Doofenric the Goth: Pericles the- wait, what animal even are you, Agent Pericles?
Pericles: *hands him papyrus*
Doofenric: *reading* A "platypus", meaning flat-foot... oh, on account of your feet being flat!
To be clear, the Emperor Constantine looks like Roger Doofenshmirtz.
Also, I agree with everybody who says that Greco-Roman Candace's name should be Candassandra (since nobody believes her warnings).
HERCULES (1997) dir. john musker, ron clements
Peanuts - March 12, 1959
By Charles Schulz
official library

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Minotaur is not a species
The Minotaur was named that because he was the son of King Minos. Anyone with a bull head has to be named after their dad, like the Kyletaur or something.
hang on i gotta google something
I am so sorry.
actually pigs shouldn't be at pride even outside of uniform. fuck those guys
if you decide to become a police officer then that outweighs any other marginalised identity you can rustle up like. not sorry, who asked you to willingly become a pig
goes for soldiers too