A trash

hes always known hes been fated to save or doom the world but this specific choice being given to him now is especially juicy. early campaign gillion would have accepted in a heartbeat. a young man so desperate to prove his worth to the world and so full of hatred for himself, who would throw himself into deadly situations just for the chance to be remembered as a hero. what could be a greater honor than to give up his entire self to become a leviathan, one of his gods who he has been so in awe of his entire life

but hes grown so much since the person he was back then. hes learned his own worth as an individual, learned to stop hating himself and choose whats right for him and his friends over anyone else. he put away the guilt of never feeling good enough for the world and accepted that hes worthy just the way he is. he doesnt have to push himself until he breaks to be enough. he has to live for himself instead

and now hes been asked to sacrifice himself for the entire world. to preserve the magic of the oceans and restart the cycle of leviathans by giving up everything hes become. just as he started to imagine a world in which he prioritizes his own needs, a world where he can be free to be whoever he wants to be. they still want him to be the hero

SURESHOT

process below

Holy FUCK Jay’s confrontation with her dad here might be my favorite piece of dialogue in the show so far. “You are the strongest man I’ve ever known, but you are a fucking pathetic father.”

From being too afraid to be candid with her family over the phone to this, what an insane shift. Seeing her mother alone and sick has to be a huge part of it. And maybe it’s just the fact that this happens right after taking him back to Zero, but I also feel like seeing Chip, Chip of all people, treat Ollie with more care, respect and attentiveness as a surrogate guardian than her father ever gave her must have played a part. Watching the most dysfunctional person she’s met make this kid feel safe and loved must have been a hell of wake up call. Jay could have grown up feeling like her dad loved her. Jayson could have done better. He chose not to.

Executive dysfunction comes from a lack of available dopamine. Common advice is wrong. You need to provide your own dopamine before you can start. Otherwise you're trying to run your car on empty.

"But what if I still don't do it" well you already weren't getting it done anyway. Now you have a little treat. Try again later.

You deserve kindness and care even when you aren't being productive.

I usually suggest this technique as a "Reverse Pomodoro." In the original Pomodoro, you work for 25 minutes and then take a break for 5 minutes (the times vary, but that's the essential ratio). People with executive dysfunction often find this insurmountable, and they get even more frustrated, and then the task seems even more difficult. So instead, flip those times.

FIRST, spend 25 minutes doing something energizing and engaging that you like to do. Not scrolling social media passively, not watching tv, not napping. Try something like colouring, doing yoga, running/walking around the block, talking about your favourite tv show with someone in real time, playing with the dog or cat, making and eating a lovely sandwich, hula hooping, something active. Having a little treat absolutely falls in this category!

(on the subject of little treats: refusing yourself food until you do work is for fucking Puritans and you can be kinder to yourself)

Then, after 25 minutes (or however long it takes to eat the sandwich or finish the yoga routine, it doesn't have to be exact), spend 5 minutes writing (or doing whatever you're struggling to start). Most people can coax themselves into doing something they find difficult for five minutes, if they have already filled up the joy/energy/engagement bucket. You can put a timer on for the 5 minutes if you want, or if you find that annoying, just work for as long as you like.

The other key is: don't push yourself to keep going when you're frustrated or tired—that will just reinforce the negative belief that you already have, which tells you that this task is painful to do, and needs to be avoided. If you've commonly had to force yourself to do this kind of task, that's likely part of why you think of it as painful and have trouble starting it now. Also, you should just, at a basic level, try not to put yourself in pain for the sake of productivity. So just do it till the good feelings run out. Then start hula hooping or colouring again for another 25 minutes. When the tank's refilled, try another 5 minutes of work, if you can. Adjust times to taste.