the musings, elations, & affirmations

I refuse for my plans to be a cage. They are the jumping point of my dreams. They are my aspirations. Why use a planner incorrectly? Maybe to show that I run this shit after all. Maybe to feel some type of control. Maybe to add joyous whimsy to all the foolishness going on. What’s my place in all of this? Do I need to know now? I feel like I should’ve known yesterday and now it’s too late. But I can’t give up so soon. I’m too important. My community is too important. This little life I get to create is too important. I know that no matter what we’ll make it through this somehow, someway. Even when I think I’ve exhausted all my options, something pulls through for me. I know I’ll keep pulling through and showing up for myself, just like we’ll keep showing up for each other. Now more than ever, I trust people and distrust others. i’ve never felt more disconnected and more integrated. I’ve never been more afraid and excited for the future. I normally need a clear beginning and end to my feelings, but maybe I’m meant to reside here a moment. Maybe hope is all I need for now. I think that it can be. I think I can trust myself through this. I know this isn’t all to be offered, and I know this world has a place for me, although difficult to find. I’ve been feeling more lost than ever….. but again I must trust that what life has brought me so far will find me again. There’s still so much to learn, so much to see. There’s all this knowledge, millions of new hyper fixations for me to find. So much music to hear and art to experience. So much love out there to have and to hold, to pour and release. maybe hope is all I need for now. I think it can be.