wait, i actually need to put smt here???

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

Edward Cullen energy

what does that mean?

We need more women characters who are Male Protagonists. You know. Slightly haggard. She's splashing cold water on her face and gripping the edge of the sink staring in the mirror for a minute. She's coping badly with her deadwife

Everyone envies me for my shrimp lighter

someone stole our fucking meme! can’t have shit in Cincinnati

every day i am thankful to ancient humans for the domestication of the cat. fucking genius idea. agriculture was a good one too btw but you really outdid yourselves with the cat thing

Lmaoo their faces.

Deadass serious and the flash was timed perfectly. Comedically speaking.

lmao

Lol that sat there and let him break in and be disappointed.

the kid on the left’s tho lol

there’s a thundering sound in the distance as the rohirrim ride into war but rather than hoofbeats it’s the collective sound of all their cheeks clapping

That’s a man who just straight up had a problem with the concept of wearing pants into battle, and I respect that

Good Old Frank. That man loved bodies and hated clothes so much

Frank Frazetta was the reason He-Man was designed like that; the producers conduct a study to see what art appeal the most to children, and Frank’s work came out on top in popularity. So everyone in He-Man is dressed the way they are directly because of Frazetta.

That man gave us the gift of warrior thighs and tits for everyone.

Ah, it has been too long since I have seen the no pants post on my dash. And yes, this is a rare case where it wasn’t some sexist nonsense but an egalitarian No Pants Agenda.

It’s time for my regular reblog of Gondor Needs No Pants

“tumblr is nice because it’s anonymous and irrelevant so it doesn’t affect my real life in any way.” Wrong. if you are on here for long enough the words of your mortifying adolescent internet diary will be written on the subway walls and tenement halls and out of the mouths of coworkers and over the faces of tiktokers and and in reddit screenshots posted on instagram sent to you by your friends and in ai dupe novelty t shirts and in the smiles of strangers repeating bits you forgot you left lying around on here when you were a teenager. and also pinterest.

"lock in" is probably one of the most important phrases to enter the public lexicon in the 2020s

i would like a hug…. JUST KIDDING! i would like TWO hugs. (suddenly becomes cold and standoffish) i don’t need anything or anyone and i don’t want to talk about it.