the thinking woman's crumpet

Project Hail Mary was such a good movie but I cannot stop thinking about how fucking funny it would have been if Ilyukhina and Yao had made it instead of Grace

The Beetles (boring name AU) arrive back on earth and Stratt opens the video diary and it's Ilyukhina and Yao going "sooooooo your pet twink didn't make it"

Imagine them taping Grace's glasses onto Rocky's exosuit and hoping she doesn't notice like a pair of exhausted parents swapping out their four year old's dead goldfish for a new one

Need some fables AESOP

the cici's pizza mr pibb hits different

could you make up some more words please :)

wawa gobbler

belly laughing while sloshing my chalice around in my many ringed hand

i test superpowers on my youtube channel. i have every power but no divine calling or moral ambition so instead its just speople send in power ideas and i review them. they will say something like "wifi enabled breasts" and i will try it out and say 2/5 kinda tingle. they will say "power to duplicate and command mice. i try it and say 4/5 my mouses army pleasant softness make me feel content. they say "deep fry and consume your own arms". i say thats not really a power,. but ok. 3/5. and thats the episode that blow ups. now im famous for arms and all my new suggestions are eating different body parts. i could ignore them but the money is too good. i try the normal ideas like jump really high but nobody watches. and i cant just make new money with a power bc nobody suggested that plus i have a deep respect for the economy. cry in my youtube mansion full of mice and i always smell like oil

principles tbhh 🔥🔥🔥🔥

my friends r so talented. rb if ur friends are talented

Not all heroes wear capes, sometimes they publish questionable card games

@teaboot oil painting

MOTHER FUCKING OIL PAINTING???????

Scooby Doo was a show to teach kids that the only monsters are people

Scooby-Doo taught us that the real monsters are the people who take their dog ghost hunting when the dog is deathly afraid of ghosts.

Unrestrained summer fun

* crazy tire-screeching noises*

boss makes a lemon i make a lime. we work at the citrus factory

You know how we call things "pseudoscience"... the media analysis that's being done on twitter and tumblr should be pseudohumanities