oh me? I lost my penis when I ignored the "Don't touch the machinery" sign. you know how it is

its called a cd because it stands for compact disc

its called a dvd because it stands for digital versatile disc

it’s called a blu ray because it stands for blue ray

it’s called a cassette because that’s what it’s called

it's fucked up to me that i could, hypothetically, get someone pregnant. that doesn't sound right. i'm not even sure why that doesn't sound right but it doesn't.

is this a gender thing? is this because despite being in my mid-30s with a failing body i still do not truly feel like an adult? or is it simply because of the sheer improbability of someone letting me creampie them unprotected? who knows

ten years ago I was walking through my high school in a wet swimsuit to get my dive coach when I witnessed a girl getting in trouble because she had a custom LED belt buckle that scrolled the message “BOY GIMME THAT JOHNSON” and I loved it so much that I couldn’t even go back to practice, I just went home and went to sleep

Someone laid a perfectly smooth pristine egg in the middle of the moshpit tonight and we just kept circling it

LESBIANISM!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

dude why is your cutie mark a cigarette burn & we arent horses