Hello I’d like to be emo on alt again if that’s ok.
Things are just so tiring.
Work is exhausting, I am underappreciated and underpaid. We are sinking on the titanic and people are arranging deck chairs and asking why I’ve stopped playing the violin.
I now need health insurance because I had fucking cancer and now have to get yearly scans to play the game again of ‘is there something weird again that might completely ruin your life?’ All the while not losing enough weight because of the stress and what if something else is going wrong
And through all of this, I have a wonderful support system that either 1) tells me nothing is wrong and to stop thinking that way and keeps repeating that everything is fine so why am I stressing out, or 2) consistently inconsistent and never can keep a schedule or personal responsibility for their own life and just randomly crashes into mine with expectations that I will drop everything to do what they want and half the time totally forget about me and never get around to their demands anyway, or 3) so overwhelmed with their own issues and weight of the world where every time I message them is because I’m reaching for any element of light to carry on but yet I am such a huge encompassing burden that the light is snuffed out immediately and I just have to go ‘lol jk’ and pretend like everything is ok so I don’t become an even bigger burden, OR 4) complete random strangers online who I barely know and barely know me and only want to spend time with me when it is convenient and beneficial to them and would rather hang out in calls doing absolutely nothing but taking my free time away from me.
I can’t help but look forward to the day when I don’t have people I will disappoint by leaving - or the leaving will be inevitable and I am off the hook for being the cruel person to take the selfish way out of this hell hole.
Anyway. Just being major emo. And there is no one to listen to me.














