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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Udajo's Art for 2025-2026 Asahina Brothers Birthday!
the boys have been set free
LaDS Official Commissioned Art (2024)
These were commissioned by Papergames for the "Veiled Whispers" banner, from artist MOONJ触月月 (weibo). Here's the link to the artist's post.
Love and Producer Wallpaper

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Hello there! Day one Mr Love: Queen's Choice player here who has been here through everything during its nearly seven-year run to yap about an old incident that keeps popping up due to recent news from both MLQC's end of service announcement, as well as Love and Deepspace (you know what it is).
Okay, so let's start.
This is Victor.
Victor is one of the love interests in Mr Love: Queen's Choice (MLQC). During the game's global run, he has had a total of three different English voice actors.
The first voice actor to voice Victor was Benjamin Diskin, who during the game's global release, was unable to participate in promotions with his co-workers for the game due to [fans' speculations] that his contracts with other roles outside of MLQC prevented him from doing so. He voiced Victor for a time before ultimately, he departed from the role to focus on his other contracts. This was a mutual and amicable departure between him and the company. The players, while saddened by this loss, had also wished him well in his future endeavors.
The second voice actor to voice Victor is Jonah Scott. He was warmly welcomed into the cast by players, who were excited to see how he would bring our beloved Victor to life.
During his brief time as Victor, he had voiced several materials for the game (which would later be re-recorded after his job termination). The infamous incident regarding his employment stemmed from a statement he had posted on his twitter account, declaring Taiwan is a country.
For context: Taiwan and China have had a long, ongoing history disputing over Taiwan being recognized as its own country. To many, Taiwan is its own independent nation. China refuses to view it as such. [not trying to oversimplify or take away its own significant weight, to make it easier for a Western audience to understand: this would be similar to how during pre-Revolutionary War between the United States and England, the US had already established that they were an independent nation but England had continued to view it as part of English rule]
[brief note: I don't personally know if Jonah Scott had commonly used his platform to raise awareness on such matter, and I have always felt neutral about him and do not feel any animosity toward him, or this incident. I just find it unfortunate for everyone involved.]
He was promptly fired, a decision which upset many fans and his fellow cast, who all threatened to leave as well if the decision was not reversed.
The decision remained, and so, all of the voice actors left. To reiterate, Jonah Scott was the only one fired, while the remaining four voice actors left in solidarity with him.
With the loss of both Jonah Scott and the original cast (along with newcomer, Aleks Le, who had just joined with the introduction of another character/love interest, Shaw), many players have also left the game.
Many had cited the company made an unfair, callous decision, but here is a food for thought I would like to introduce:
MLQC is a Chinese game, created by a Chinese company, based in China, living under Chinese government rule without the privilege of having the freedom of speech to speak on matters that the country could view as ground for scrutiny and retaliations.
With that in mind, Jonah Scott's statement was viewed as a liability the company was not willing to turn a blind eye to, so his job was terminated.
The resulting fallout led to Jonah Scott being fired from the company, his co-workers who sided with him in solidarity being let go as per their conditions that were refused by the company, players were split into groups who chose to leave alongside the voice actors also as an act of solidarity and to express personal outrage at the company, and those who continued to stay, and ultimately, new voice actors were hired as replacements.
To this day, there is still a group who believed this was the decision of a coldhearted company, and many who refused to acknowledge the current group of voice actors. Personally, if I was working for a Chinese company based in China, no matter what my personal opinions on political matters would be, I would not be making public comments that could be seen as an attacking target on the Chinese government and not expect any sort of consequences or retaliation.
All of this took place in 2021, and afterwards, new voice actors were hired to replace the previous group, and since then, there has been no further incidents pertaining to cast change.
The story of the VA incident has been widely spread and has recently resurfaced, but with many key elements omitted, as well as the lack of knowledge regarding the complicated political history between China and Taiwan. Furthermore, many are viewing this incident and Jonah Scott's statement with the view of those who are fortunate to live in countries where they have freedom of speech to speak their mind without fear. From a different standpoint, the incident was not as simple as many are making it out to be. With this grain of thought, everyone is free to interpret or re-interpret this explanation as they see fit. I really gain nothing from this other than to offer my own insight as someone who was active during this incident.
Now as MLQC is unfortunately approaching an end of service this month (March 27th), since the incident, the current group of voice actors have voiced the characters for far longer than the original cast had. Many players have accepted the change and also celebrated and praised the new group of voice actors for bringing the cast to life with their emotional and lively portrayal.
We still have players who've been here since day one, others who have joined over the course of its nearly seven-year run, or even those who are as recent as just a month earlier, this game is very much adored by many around the world. It is still doing very well in its home country with new updates of cards and main story in its near future, but for us on the global server, we are faced with a devastating end just as we are about to celebrate our seventh anniversary. This is not the way we wanted to see the game end. It has been a source of comfort and joy for many, and a passing fancy for others, but we would still like to see it continuing for many more years, or at the very least, seeking an extension for the end to allow players additional time to archive as much of the game as possible.
If you are still reading, please consider joining the cause by signing this online petition to save the game:
Save Mr. Love: Queen’s Choice – Don’t Shut It Down!
As of this post, the petition is approaching 600 signatures. Every little bit will help to raise our voices and is greatly appreciated by all in the MLQC community. Until the end, we will continue to do what we can to save the game that has been dear to many of us for years, and for many of us, this game has saved us during our own darkest hours and lowest points. We will continue to do what we can to save not just the game, but Victor, Gavin, Lucien, Kiro, and Shaw.
Ending this with a recent video call from Victor (voiced by his third and current VA, Eliah Mountjoy) for his birthday this past January.
I also have this
I mean, he IS wearing the catch 22 outfit 🤤
The Strength of Humanity: Xiao Yi (Osborn) Character Exploration
Based on around the first year of in-game content. Everything written is my personal interpretation. WARNING: includes topics such as violence, abuse, and suicide.
Translation for the quotes are all by @aishangotome ♡
PART 1: DISCONNECTION FROM THE WORLD
As a victim of being abandoned by his parents and perceived as a monster by his peers, Xiao Yi’s connection to the world was forcefully stripped away from him against his will.
As I walked, I thought, I don’t know anyone in this world anymore. If I disappear, no one will even notice. (6* Card 四百击)
Without this sense of connection, his natural reaction was to feel lonely in the absence of support, to fear seclusion, to rage at the world’s inhumanity, and to be fuelled by hatred for evil. He couldn’t let himself become hidden and resigned from the world, and he also couldn’t allow the world to abandon him just like his parents did. He wanted freedom, and he thought he could achieve that by rebelling against evil.
Everything he had done, from childhood to now, was to escape this place. The world was a wasteland, but he could venture out, search for a better view, even if it was just a fleeting glimpse. (6* Card 四百击)
Ironically, the more he asserted his presence, the more disconnected from the world and the people within it he grew, and the more he chased his long-awaited freedom, the more trapped he became. He became an outsider on the edge of society as he stood on the opposite side of power and authority, disconnected from the prevailing beliefs which dominated the society around him. He wanted to be a hero, but whenever he rebelled against evil and injustice, he would be treated as the villain instead, turned into a victim abused beyond humanity.
He wanted to be in charge of his own fate and actively sever ties with the world first instead of being a passive bystander continually crushed under the weight of loss. He would forcefully assert his presence and banish evil because he had no attachments: there was no one he cared about, and no one that cared about him. He had the freedom to act however he wanted, but could it truly be considered freedom when he was still trapped within and controlled by his own feelings of resentment to the point that his role in the world would remain a victim? Did his assertive rebellion give him control, or was he still passively being controlled by the world?
His desires to rebel against evil, his unwillingness to surrender to authority, and his ultimate search for freedom all stemmed from hatred; hatred for his situation, hatred for the people that put him in this situation, and hatred for all of the evil present in society. His desire to become a hero was fuelled by hatred.
I couldn’t describe it then, but I vaguely felt that it was “hatred.” I heard it say, I want to be like him. I have to be like him. (6* Card 四百击)
In reality, this hatred stemmed from his inherent kindness and morality. His inherent morality led to him easily distinguishing good from bad, leading to him having strong feelings towards protecting the innocent and punishing evil. Despite being abandoned by his parents and seen as a monster by his peers, he still viewed and treated everyone as human, holding forgiveness in his heart even if they weren’t innocent.
Xiao Yi cried out in pain, but he still didn’t summon his flames. His reason told him that this man, despite his wickedness, was still just an ordinary human. (6* Card 四百击)
While Xiao Yi treated everyone as human, everyone else treated him as a monster. For the authority who only cared about power and greed, kindness and morality were viewed as ultimate weaknesses that could be easily crushed. In a society where the evil are seen as human and the innocent are treated as monsters, is there any meaning behind morality anymore? The combination of having no attachments to anyone, being an outsider looking in, and always standing on the opposite side of every moral dilemma only left him feeling even more disconnected from the world, merely remaining a powerless victim instead of having any influence.
PART 2: DISCONNECTION FROM HIMSELF
Xiao Yi has always been firmly guided by his individual morals, fully aware that he was in the right and that they were in the wrong. He would never bend to the will of evil, even if he had to bear all of the punishment himself.
“I did nothing wrong. Why should I apologise?” (6* Card 四百击)
However, for someone with such firm individual morals, he sure was extremely conflicted by his own beliefs. Although Xiao Yi held strong moral views, the lines of good and bad became blurred when judging himself. He began to internalise society’s judgements of him by attempting to free himself from kindness and morality, considering himself a villain instead of the hero he previously dreamed of being. This was because Xiao Yi’s kindness became his own torment. He loathed himself for longing for the company of his morally despicable parents, and for having the smallest sprout of hesitation or forgiveness in his heart for the criminals he rebelled against. He hated that he still viewed the villains of his world as human, because viewing morally bad people as human would insinuate to himself that he was also not a morally good person. This inner conflict left him feeling like he couldn’t openly express himself to the world, leaving him more trapped in his own feelings and further away from achieving freedom.
Didn’t I already decide to sever all ties with them? I would think, to have nothing to do with them anymore? But why did I still dream about them? Was it because those years we spent together were happy? I thought that even strangers, hearing my story, would condemn them as failures, unfit to be parents. In short, their leaving was a blessing, and if one day news came of their misfortune, it would be well-deserved. I shouldn’t miss them. So whenever I dreamt of them, I would wake up filled with self-loathing, hating myself for being so conflicted. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, because morally, I was supposed to hate them. (6* Card 四百击)
His kindness also meant that he couldn’t defeat these evil people like he wanted, because he was the one always being defeated instead.
I was paying the price for my soft-heartedness. Pinned to the ground, I couldn’t help but feel a surge of bitter amusement. While the other person only wanted to kill me, I was still sincerely considering the possibility of forgiveness. (6* Card 四百击)
As a result, Xiao Yi divided his soul into two, discarding the ‘kind’ part of his soul. Interestingly, the ‘kind’ part of his soul was the half completely consumed by rage and resentment, killing and beating people up out of pure hatred. However, the reason it’s considered the ‘kind’ half of his soul is because of the guilt and hatred he directed towards himself as a result of his actions. His own kindness made him hate himself because he viewed himself as immoral, and immorality is the absolute last thing he would ever want to embody. Without kindness, he could continue to defeat evil while disregarding the morality of his actions, so that he wouldn’t be trapped by guilt and hatred and subsequently be destroyed by himself. Afterwards, he claimed to not care about morality.
Xiao Yi: I want to be a villain.
Xiao Yi gazed intently at the moon, a fire burning in his eyes.
Xiao Yi: I want to personally witness all those evildoers receive the punishment they deserve.
Zhou Weicheng: Then why don’t you become a police officer, upholding justice?
Xiao Yi: Good people are restricted by many things, but villains aren’t.
Xiao Yi: If I could, I wouldn’t want kindness or compassion at all. They’ll only destroy me. (6* Card 自由落体)
He did this to not be destroyed by himself, but it was actually only destroying him even more. He was constantly berated by the world, but now he was being berated by himself too. Not only did he want to kill others, but he contemplating killing himself multiple times. As he kept contemplating death, he kept living not for himself, but for punishment. One, to punish evil, and second, to also be punished in return.
If there was one regret, it was this: I wouldn’t kill myself. I would raise my sword again and defeat him. (6* Card 四百击)
All I would have to do is jump, and I can escape it all. Would anyone grieve for me? Would anyone care if I died? “The person who cares most would probably be that Principal Xu.” Xiao Yi gave a self-deprecating chuckle, but the thought made him step back from the edge. He had to stay alive until those people were punished. (6* Card 四百击)
But for a moment, I really thought about giving up. I thought, let it end here. For me, life had never been about survival, but about punishment. (6* Card 自由落体)
He lived out of hatred, and this hatred served as his own punishment. Both his reason to live and his means of survival stemmed from self-sacrifice: to put money on the table, he participated in rigged races, took on dangerous commissions as a bounty hunter, and developed an unsafe habit of venting his emotions through speeding.
But since he removed the kind part of his soul that hated himself for his guilt, he shouldn’t harbour so much self-hatred, right? Why did he still hate himself? He hated himself because the idea of lacking morality still heavily bothered him. He went from raging at the world for its unfairness to raging at himself because he felt that he wasn’t a good person. Since he wasn’t a good person, perhaps it wasn’t the world that was unfair, but that he actually deserved all of the abuse he suffered.
Xiao Yi: Someone like me was a mistake from birth. I hit teachers and principals in school, and I’ve been locked up.
Once a clean white paper has a stain, it’s dirty.
Xiao Yi: I belong here. (6* Card 自由落体)
“What if— just what if— I was born evil? Without a kind heart?” (6* Card 自由落体)
In summary, Xiao Yi has always been inherently kind, but became destroyed by his kindness, subsequently tried to destroy his own kindness, and finally became destroyed by him destroying his own kindness.
A major turning point for him is when his rigged races ended up leading a man who lost his money to kill himself. The deceased man’s wife raged at Xiao Yi and wanted to kill him, and he had a sudden urge to kill her in return. In reality, the wife held the same morals and perspective that Xiao Yi originally had. In her eyes, her husband lost everything and died as a result of Xiao Yi’s immorality, and she was filled with rage and resentment towards him, wanting him to be punished. Isn’t that the exact same sense of punishment that Xiao Yi had been living for this whole time? How on earth did he end up on the other side and become the exact type of person he hated? It was all because he was attempting to free himself from his kindness, emotions, and morality, all of the qualities that constitute his humanity.
However, the most important moment was what came after.
Car audio: Little boat gently swaying in the water…
Someone had accidentally hit the button, and a children’s song suddenly filled the car, the child’s voice as clear as a spring.
Car audio: A cool breeze blows towards us…
Xiao Yi felt the grip on his neck loosen slightly.
The sudden surge of malice vanished, and he abruptly released her, realising he had just done something despicable. (6* Card 自由落体)
Hearing the children’s song in this moment is a call back to how we were all just children once. Children aren’t born inherently good or bad; they are only shaped by the circumstances they grow up in. Life is inherently unfair. No child deserves to be abandoned by their parents, and everyone deserves to grow up in a loving home and be surrounded by a supportive environment.
However, society is often so flawed that it makes innocent victims feel that they deserve everything that happened to them. This is because emotions, kindness, and morality are dismissed as weaknesses by those in power, but expecting people to suppress the qualities that form the basis of humanity only isolates victims more, leading the world to become even more unfair and divided. The powerful only continue to abuse their power, the victims only become more suppressed, and more people would want to fight against the world, rather than be a part of it.
“Don’t you find it ironic? Those who commit evil only care about their own desires. When they make a mistake, all they need to do is show good repentance, and people believe they will reform. It’s as if society tells them that as long as you conceal your actions well and cry profusely when caught, you’ll eventually be forgiven and forgotten. And the price must be paid by the innocent, struggling victims. It’s as if these students were simply unlucky, deserved to die, and deserved to be hurt.” (Main Story 13-13)
All of Xiao Yi’s feelings, especially all of his burning rage and resentment, are all completely valid and justified. He didn’t deserve anything that happened to him, and the world should have paid more attention to and treasured his emotions instead of trying to extinguish them. If people who were treated unfairly could truly be seen and heard in this world, maybe they would grow up with love and kindness instead, and wouldn’t feel the need to fight against the world.
Ke Yang: If society didn’t always label them as antisocial, and didn’t deliberately lead them that way. If their parents were a little nicer to them, they would become good kids too. (6* Card 自由落体)
Xiao Yi heavily toed the line between good and bad, and was extremely close to becoming the exact type of person he hated because he suppressed his kindness. At the end of the day, the responsibility lies with adults to treat children with care, but also with individuals to break the cycle and not follow in these adults’ footsteps, as difficult and unfair as it may be. Ultimately, breaking the cycle would be a step forward for himself, to not be consumed by self-hatred, and to not passively allow the world to take complete control of his emotions for the rest of his life.
Sometimes, it’s the rebellion against instinct and nature that truly showcases the unique brilliance of humanity, distinct from beasts. (Chapter 17 抗争的勇气)
Xiao Yi is not a monster, and in reality, no one is. When people are labelled as monsters, they separate themselves from the rest of humanity and start to feel justified in their acts against humanity. Running away from his humanity only proves his distinctly inherent humanity. However, always running away only brings him further away from the freedom he has always chased. Who says kindness is a weakness and can’t signify strength? Perhaps many people would say that, but if people are unaccepting of his true self and he hates that they’re unaccepting of his true self, why should he let their judgements affect his own self-judgement? However, Xiao Yi has always been extremely selfless. He assumed the role of a sacrificial hero as a sole individual, internalising all of his guilt and suffering on his own. He should stay true to himself and not compromise on his moral beliefs, but being free from desiring external validation isn’t easy for someone so selfless. Therefore, he needs to learn to prioritise himself.
PART 3: CONNECTION TO HIMSELF AND THE WORLD
Xiao Yi eventually starts finding his unique place in the world when he finds connection with other people.
At that moment, he suddenly had a feeling that he was living his life in this world earnestly. He no longer felt like a passerby or someone who always stood on the opposite side of everything. Xiao Yi’s name seemed to have a weight of its own. He was being called by people with anticipation, praise, enthusiasm… with all sorts of different emotions. In these calls, a Xiao Yi utterly different from his former self was emerging into the world. (6* Card 自由落体)
How was he able to achieve this, though? By no longer running away from himself and instead listening to his own heart. He begins by being led by his personal interest and curiosity about the world and the people within it, continuing to search for the freedom he desires. When he experiences the world for himself, he also meets and attracts like-minded people who like and accept him as he is. There has always been a world so much larger than the confines he was trapped in his whole life, but he had to take the first step to be willing to explore that world. Change comes from falling down and experiencing life for himself, not from letting other people change him or tell him what type of person he should be.
He may have been hated by one section of society, but another section of society actually admires him. No one is inherently good or bad, or inherently stronger or weaker than others, because different people have different views on these subjective concepts in the first place. Therefore, the most important thing is for him to stay true to his moral compass. Why should he devote his life to self-sacrifice and desire external validation from people who hold beliefs he’s heavily opposed against? Overall, his life begins when he takes the initiative; not for the world, but for himself.
He takes this initiative by actively extending his kindness towards others. He used to desire and demand kindness from the world and became disappointed when he didn’t receive what he wanted, but when everyone is waiting to receive kindness, there also has to be someone to initiate it first.
The world was indifferent to my feelings, and even if I abandoned my journey, it would not try to entice me with what I desired. With this realisation, my resentment towards disappointment dissipated. I discovered that I possessed something that transcended it: fellow adventurers who shared my risks, and a kindred spirit who understood my unspoken feelings. (6* Card 自由落体)
Specifically, he extends his support to people who have also been ostracised as outsiders, just like he was. He builds his own supportive community through kindness and forgiveness, and through forgiving other innocent people who have been through similar trials and made similar mistakes as he has, he can also start to forgive himself.
There was the seemingly frail young man with a horrifying tattoo revealed when he rolled up his sleeves, and a burly man with a scar over his left eye… They had all made mistakes in their youth and faced social stigma, struggling to fit into normal society. Xiao Yi gave them a chance. (6* Card 自由落体)
There’s a common sentiment that Xiao Yi is so strong and invincible that he’d probably be able to achieve happiness on his own without the MC, but the core basis of his character is that he learns to live and love himself when he’s connected to others. He learns to forgive himself through forgiving others, and in particular, loving MC is ultimately an act of sincerely loving himself.
Within their dynamic, Xiao Yi is very brave, assertive, confident, fearless, seemingly doesn’t overthink at all, and takes action without hesitation. Meanwhile, the MC, especially compared to him, is generally portrayed as more hesitant to take action due to fears and worries. However, while they may seem like polar opposites, the basis of their relationship is formed on the deep connection they feel to each other’s shared emotions. They both grew up as lonely children who were ostracised as monsters, so they actually deeply relate to and find solace in each other because they embrace each other’s humanity.
He gently accepts her fears, worries, loneliness, and envy, and expresses a certain level of emotional vulnerability with her that he doesn’t express anywhere else. The way he accepts and cares for her feels like he’s also learning to love and care for his own inner child that never received love from the world. Them being connected by their shared emotions they’ve held onto since childhood show that they are both simply just human. Xiao Yi is certainly admirable, but he experiences all of the same negative emotions that all humans do. Everyone is capable of embodying the strength they admire in Xiao Yi if they were only kinder to themselves.
“I envied that eaglet. I believed it was born with the ability to look down upon the earth, to enjoy the view from the highest point. But later, I realised that nothing is born fearless. It also had to fall countless times before finally becoming the way I envied.” (5* Card 拾光秘密)
He also notably doesn’t tell MC to change, not even to be more brave or confident. After all, the MC is Xiao Yi’s light that he strives towards because he likes her gentle nature. He just encourages her to be herself, and to do whatever she wants to do. This gentle acceptance is also an act of kindness towards his inner child who was always punished for not fitting into society’s expectations. His own strength in and of itself might encourage her to take a step forward, but he never tells her that she needs to be stronger. This can even be observed through his extremely direct personality; his straightforwardness on its own also encourages MC to be more direct too. Ultimately, MC taking the initiative wouldn’t be for him; it would be for herself, on her own terms. His role is only to help guide and encourage her.
To prevent a flower from withering, you don’t forbid it from blooming. That wasn’t true protection. True heroism was about becoming stronger for the sake of the flower you wanted to protect, to accompany it through the storms. (Chapter 12 生死与共)
For Xiao Yi, fighting against the world and running away from himself was never true freedom. Having attachments to other people brought significant value to his life.
He finally understood. His yearning for freedom stemmed from a lack of attachments. And now, he was willing to trade some of that freedom for a different kind. (6* Card 四百击)
Not only that, but having attachments to others in and of itself is the true freedom that Xiao Yi has been searching for his whole life. Xiao Yi and MC find freedom when they’re with each other, because through simply accepting each other as they are, they allow each other’s unique individuality to shine. True freedom is staying true to yourself and your humanity.
Xiao Yi has come out the other end of adversity as a strong and admirable hero, and unlike the abusive authority figures he faced in the past who used their power for evil, he chooses to use his strength to protect the innocent. He shows that the role of the strong should be to protect and support people who are still discovering their own inner strengths, not to prey on and exploit their kindness. After all, kindness is a strength that highlights the strongest parts of humanity, not a weakness.
The Humanity of a Fox: Qi Sili (Sariel) Character Exploration
This is the first time I'm posting on Tumblr in my entire life. I know there is barely a global Light and Night community and that virtually no one will read this but I wrote this out of pure love and passion haha (if anyone does actually read this post, I hope you have an amazing day, week, month, year, and that your gacha pulls are blessed). I've only started playing this year and have only read around the first year or so of content so my understanding may be outdated, and everything written here is my personal interpretation.
Translation for the quotes are all by @aishangotome ♡
PART 1: THE PAST
As someone who was born and lived hundreds of years as a fox before taking on a human form, Qi Sili had to learn and adapt to human behaviour. He was puzzled by all of the unwritten social rules and expectations that humans created for themselves and had to abide by for seemingly no reason other than to fit in. What was the purpose of all of these rules? What was the purpose of war, and what was the purpose of him being summoned to lead these humans into battle? So what, just because he was told that fighting in war was his life mission granted by the gods, he would simply accept it? No. Qi Sili has always been seeking for an underlying purpose to people’s actions, trying to make sense of why people do the things they do. He needs a solid reason to be able to accept something.
Human behaviour is confusing, but their reasons for waging war are also straightforward.
They want to own the land, so they build high walls. They want to go to more places, so they continuously wage wars. Once understood, humans aren’t difficult to comprehend. (6* Card 长风吹彻)
However, this straightforward line of reasoning still isn’t convincing enough to explain why people wage war. It doesn’t answer a few questions, such as, do humans really find satisfaction in endlessly conquering land, instead of prioritising human lives? Do humans really feel victory through defeat? Qi Sili experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows of humanity on the battlefield, witnessing friends who initially vowed to never kill ending up with blood on their hands. His friends didn’t feel victorious after killing; instead, he was witnessing them lose their liveliness with each life they took.
This was the first time I understood the difference between victory and defeat, life and death. Humans could not feel victory through defeat, but they could feel life through death. (6* Card 长风吹彻)
Killing people never evoked joy, but witnessing death brought feelings of grief, loss, and devastation. Human reaction to death reminded Qi Sili of how full of life his fellow soldiers were before they entered war. He didn’t want them to further lose their humanity and become a shell of who they once were. Instead, he wanted to protect these fragile, yet precious, hearts of human beings.
It’s precisely because he isn’t human, that he felt the responsibility to preserve others’ humanity. He viewed himself as a separate entity from other humans, therefore he took it as his duty to protect them by sinning in their place instead. For someone who has always been searching for a purpose, he immediately adopted this as his ultimate purpose in life. The problem is, he wanted to do this because he cared deeply for them. This fox had also learnt how to feel emotions, just like humans.
He only wished that these men wouldn’t lose all traces of themselves. If someone had to kill, he would be that person. If someone had to die because of it, he would be that person too. He would bear the weight of those sins, one by one, throughout his long life, until he was no longer himself. (6* Card 长风吹彻)
Everyone else around him eventually died, but he was immortal. As the sole survivor, he was the only one that could carry memories of his fallen comrades into the future, carry the weight of their sins, and fulfil the wishes and desires that they never got to see to themselves. He carried out these duties, ultimately fulfilling the purpose he was always searching for, but now he was left with a void of emptiness. A life without purpose wasn’t worth living, but as an immortal being, he couldn’t even die, no matter how hard he tried to.
Just like the soldiers he was committed to honouring who felt life through death, he felt the same pain thousandfold, and the source of this pain was his emotions. He may have originally been a fox, but what makes someone uniquely human? Their ability to feel emotions, whether it’s the pain of death, or loving and caring for others. This fox had also become a human, but he didn’t want to accept it. Human emotions were simply too painful to bear.
When he first took human form, Qi Sili thought the royal city was much more interesting than Mount Kunlun. People cried when they were happy, cried when they were sad, laughed when a new life arrived, and drank and made merry when someone departed. How strange. Once he understood them, he would feel these emotions too, he thought. He learned quickly. It wouldn’t be long. Qi Sili didn’t know that when that day came, he would wish he was still an ignorant fox. It was too late. A beast turned human could never go back. (6* Card 长风吹彻)
Since he couldn’t die even after multiple suicide attempts, he resorted to what seemed like the next best solution: escaping pain by chasing pleasure. In fact, his extreme sense of responsibility was so burdensome that it led to no sense of responsibility at all. By endlessly gambling and drowning his sorrows in alcohol, the pleasure he gained was through numbing his painful memories and emotions, bringing him to feel closer to death. However, these impulsive, hedonistic actions still never satisfied him, because they didn’t bring him purpose.
No matter how he tried to stimulate his senses with sights, sounds, smells, and tastes, they slipped away like running water, unable to linger in his empty heart for even a moment. (6* Card 见见春天)
He couldn’t continue with this unfulfilling lifestyle, so he felt like he needed to find something to be responsible for again. Perhaps abandoning his past and forging a new direction in life could bring him the sense of purpose he had lost… which brought him to pursuing fashion design.
PART 2: THE FUTURE
Perhaps I could create a brand, one that had nothing to do with the Qi Sili of the past, one that belonged solely to the new me. I named this brand Vesi. It represented not just new life, but also a sense of hope and longing. (6* Card 触目如故)
Qi Sili believed that the way to moving on was forgetting about the past. Seemingly, the more he moves forward, the more distant he can grow from his past. His newfound sense of responsibility is observed by him living a minimalistic and ascetic lifestyle, eating a simple and clean diet, and not overindulging in temporary pleasures like he used to. Forgetting his past is like following a ray of light, giving him hope for the future.
“Life itself is inherently unfair. Everything will have a result you have to accept. Surviving isn’t about redemption or reconciliation, but about forgetting.” (Main Story 7-21 Night Ending)
Notice how he says surviving, though? To survive is to forget, but is he really living? While losing his memories, he has also been degenerating and getting closer to death, yet he finds comfort in that. The ray of hope that he has been following is just leading him closer to his demise.
Despite this, he does indeed have a new sense of responsibility, which is reflected throughout his philosophy as a designer. He has maintained his strong sense of individualism and encourages the same freedom of expression in everyone else.
“Fashion is not for the purpose of standardising aesthetics or creating divisions between people, but rather to enable everyone to face themselves squarely and accept themselves. Everyone has the freedom to become themselves." (Main Story 1-01)
It’s ironic of him to say this though, because as someone who’s constantly running away from his memories, his pain, his emotions, and consequently his humanity, has he ever faced his true self yet? And as much as he advocates for freedom of expression, he also criticises MC’s designs for being too imbued with personal emotions to the point they lose their functional value.
“I don’t know why the personal emotions are so strong that it loses its significance as a hat itself.” (Main Story 1-16)
While he has always been interested in human emotion, he now believes that emotions hinder function. In the past, his strong emotions caused his hedonic downfall to the point where he was unable to function, so now he believes that emotions cannot exist healthily on their own apart from functionality. Yet again, this shows he has still not completely moved on from the past.
“Good works are a combination of function and aesthetics.” (Main Story 5-03)
He also believes that designers should be guided by function, manifesting in a distinct purpose. This purpose serves as an overarching structure that imposes limits so that one doesn’t impulsively follow their whims, emotions, or heart, at any given moment.
“The most important thing for a designer is to know why they are creating. Rather than daydreaming all day, thinking about how you can soar higher, perhaps you’d be better off first learning how to walk.” (Main Story 1-16)
Yet again, he continues to project his past experiences onto the future, since his past impulsive actions that were a result of running away from his heart left him devoid of purpose. Now he encourages emotional expression after functionality is guaranteed, showing that he at least is not completely dismissive of emotions, but this newfound purpose is still limiting the depths of his heart. He is still suppressing his emotions and consequently, himself.
Now, what does he mean by the idea that a designer should know the reason why they are creating? How exactly can a designer discover their purpose? In his eyes, purpose now means doing what feels right to an individual. He has always been individualistic, with all of his values stemming from his own heart, regardless of what other people think. He has always made sense of humans with his own reasoning, staying true to his own beliefs. Therefore, it makes sense that he encourages people to do what feels right to them, because he has always done the same.
However, this is again incredibly ironic because this mindset is actually limiting him. Remember how when he was first assimilating to human life in the past, he was puzzled by the seemingly meaningless rules and structures that humans would impose on themselves and others? He is now also one of those puzzling humans creating pointless rules and structures for himself thinking that it’s serving a higher purpose, when all it’s really doing is confining the extent of his heart. He continues to deny his humanity while being the complete embodiment of a human being.
He also claims that discovering this purpose, which entails knowing what feels right, comes from extensive experience.
“Designers create beauty to emotionally connect with the audience. But this beauty cannot exist apart from experience.” (Main Story 5-03)
He’s giving this advice to junior designers, those who have only just begun their professional career. There are people who copy his designs, and he discourages this behaviour because he believes that what feels right to someone is personal to every individual, meaning that people shouldn’t merely imitate someone who’s extremely experienced either. But where are they going to get this experience from, if they cannot start without experience? Maybe he has gotten it all reversed. Maybe people learn how to walk by following where their heart leads.
This is not to say that his long life experience of over three thousand years is not useful in any way. After all, he is a world-renowned fashion designer who creates works of beauty that are both functional and expressive, highly resonating with the public. Why do his creations resonate with people’s hearts, though? Through his wealth of experiences, he pours his endless encounters with humanity into his designs. This touch of human emotion is precisely what underlies the beauty of his designs.
I began my attempt to become an ordinary tailor. I poured everything I saw, all the dreams and stories others shared with me into my sketches, then brought them to life one by one. (6* Card 触目如故)
Now, let's take a couple steps back. Why would he choose to become a fashion designer in the first place, out of all the possible paths he could have taken? War and fashion design seem like they have nothing in common. They could even be considered complete opposites, as war involves death, while design involves creation, so becoming a fashion designer is akin to a rebirth for him. But for Qi Sili, these two fields are distinctly related, and are actually very similar. I absolutely love the quote below because I think it beautifully and ingeniously sums up his character in three sentences.
“When it comes to creation, the world often only cares about the result, but the path to that result is often fraught with thorns. Embarking on it will leave you bloodied, and completing it might leave you scarred. However, pure ‘beauty’ is often born from this bloodshed, so there’s nothing to fear.” (Main Story Chapter 1 触摸光芒)
This quote has multiple levels. On the broader surface level, it describes design as the aforementioned ‘beauty’ after the bloodshed. Design was the catalyst that allowed him to seemingly move forward from his past. However, on a deeper level, this quote also separately encompasses both the experience of war and the process of design, heavily paralleling each other in his experiences. In war, the ‘beauty’ after the bloodshed was the emotion he witnessed. The pain that was felt after death showed that people still cared deeply about each other. In design, the ‘beauty’ after the bloodshed is also emotion. People's dreams, stories, and experiences may have been difficult to bear, but they get to be brought to life and appreciated by other humans through works of art. Once again, what ties war and design together is emotion, and most importantly, they are threaded together by Qi Sili’s own humanity.
This parallel of war, which represents his past, and design, which represents the future, continues to show that while he believes he is moving forward, he still hasn’t actually moved on from his past. He has always been bringing to life the dreams of other people, first by fulfilling the wishes of his dead comrades after war, and secondly by breathing life into the stories of others through his designs. He heavily values individualism, and yet his purpose has always been tied to other people; honouring their hearts, but neglecting his own. He has made it to the future, yet he still doesn’t accept himself as human.
He has always been trapped in the illusion of moving on, stuck in an endless cycle of trying to discover a grander purpose and constructing a greater meaning, unable to realise that he’s still stuck in the past, chasing the future, and consequently losing sight of what’s right in front of him: the present moment.
PART 3: THE PRESENT
Qi Sili wants to move forward, but he wants to do this without change. He began to hate the idea of change after constantly witnessing his friends enlist and never return. If there was a way he could prevent these inevitable losses and allow things to always stay the same, he would. But the only thing that’s unchangingly guaranteed in life is death. It’s hard to control or convince other people who are all brimming with their own stubborn individuality, so the only thing he could do is hold this standard towards himself. He is also someone who is stubbornly individualistic. Just like the people from his past, he also refuses to change. Maybe it’s not out of his own individualism, but rather that he is still being led by other people’s agendas instead of following his own.
“There are plenty of people in the world who change. No need to look to me for that.” (6* Card 触目如故)
For this reason, it’s easier for him to not care about anyone. If he didn’t care about anyone, he wouldn’t have to experience the pain of losing them. If he had no one to lose, he wouldn’t be overwhelmed by his emotions. He has become emotionally reserved, cold and distant, someone who finds it easy to bluntly deliver harsh criticism but hesitant to be openly direct about his personal feelings. But deep down, he is still lacking the sense of purpose he has always been searching for.
If one day he woke up and there was no one left in the world that he cared about, would that still be considered living? (6* Card 触目如故)
Changes slowly begin to occur when he finds himself caring for MC. His heart can’t help but be swayed because his emotions have never disappeared, no matter how hard he tries to suppress them.
Qi Sili and MC have several different relationship dynamics with each other: immortal and human, idol and fan, mentor and student, boss and subordinate, gege and meimei. In each of these dynamics, he holds the position of authority. However, as observed by his extremely personal and biased views towards design, his views are not correct or incorrect, because they aren't objective truths. They are just as subjective as anyone else's regardless of their age, status, or quantity of life experience. Many of his views stem from beliefs that leaves him trapped in the past, and the MC, who presents an opposing outlook, adds infinite value to his life and expands his worldviews. Even though he has lived so much longer than her and has significantly more life and professional experience than her, there is still so much to learn from her, so much more to experience with her. She adds value to his life because the individual experience cannot merely be quantified by time, and striving towards her allows himself to break out of his self-sabotaging time loop. They both add value to each others’ lives because they stay open-minded towards each other’s differences, and yet they don’t have to be confined by labels such as immortal-human or mentor-subordinate, because rather than merely being different, they also recognise that they are fundamentally on the same level: simply human beings who are learning from and experiencing new things with each other every day.
Qi Sili has always hated unnecessary social constructs. He has never believed in these boundaries and labels created to divide people, the same type of meaningless rules and structures that lead to war. This individualistic mindset causes him conflict within his own Spirit Clan because he isn’t supposed to be so close to humans, but he doesn’t care. He has his own principles that he’ll always abide by.
“It’s ridiculous to differentiate lives based on race to begin with.” (6* Card 长宵无觅)
However, MC later finds out she’s from the God Clan. Qi Sili has never believed in gods, and this links back to why he was summoned to become a war general among human beings in the first place. As a fox, he was chosen by gods to go into battle because he was a spiritual being with strength and talent that most humans could not match. War was posed to him as his life mission, his true purpose. In reality, he struggled to understand the purpose of war, and why he needed to fulfil this duty when it wasn’t something he chose of his own volition. The control the gods seemingly had over his destiny only led to feelings of disdain. He never even believed in gods in the first place, despite being told they exist and were supposedly in control of his fate. Perhaps it’s because believing in gods is supposed to provide purpose to one’s life, but war did not bring him a sense of purpose; it emptied him of it.
His love for MC aligns with his love for humans, but his skepticism towards deities clashes with her identity as a god. His love for her doesn’t falter, though. On the contrary, his love gradually overpowers his sense of reason. He becomes so concerned for MC’s safety that he finds himself wanting to pray to the gods that he never even believed in to keep her safe. By letting himself care for someone else, he is ultimately caring for himself.
Qi Sili suddenly really wished to pray to the gods. For someone who hasn’t believed in gods at all, can they give him a single chance? He wanted to tell them that he regrets it now. He’s willing to believe in the presence of gods. He, too, wanted a good ending. (Main Story 13-23 Light Ending)
The unfortunate matter about loving a human as an immortal, though, is that he will outlive her and again suffer the pain and grief that he is incredibly used to but has always tried to avoid up until this point. It would require him to break down the barriers he has placed around his heart, leaving himself vulnerable to his own emotions. For the past three thousand years, Qi Sili has always been seeking purpose to his long and painful existence. But what’s the point of life if he cannot love? What’s the point of living if he feels comforted by death? The sense of purpose he rekindled through fashion design only allowed him to get back up and survive, but it hasn’t allowed him to truly live. What happens when he finds himself falling in love? His sense of purpose becomes shattered because he finds himself irrationally following his heart for no greater reason.
Perhaps this is what it means to change: listening to his own emotions without needing a reason, letting go of his incessant need to be passively guided by a grand purpose, and actively following his own heart wherever it takes him for the first time in his life. This is different from when he fell into hedonistic addictions in the past, because instead of upholding other people's wishes, he is finally prioritising his own.
Sometimes, you just had to follow your heart and do things that didn’t seem to make sense. No need for a reason, no need to care about what others thought. Because the reason was simply four words. I just like it. (Main Story Chapter 5 盛夏清味)
Love is an active choice that he’s finally willing to make not because it’s easy, but because it’s worth it to him. When choosing to love MC, he will experience loss and pain through her fleeting existence, but human emotions are the essence of living. This includes the joy, the despair, and everything in between, and he’s willing to experience these feelings in the name of love. Progress can only be achieved by breaking the cycle, and this involves taking the difficult path of love if it makes life worth living.
For Qi Sili, love is not only caring about another person. It’s about accepting his emotions, and accepting himself as a human being because he has emotions. This character development softens his individualism by opening his stubborn heart to change, yet it doesn’t compromise his individualistic traits, instead strengthening and reinforcing them. He isn't abandoning his principles, because he is actually following and staying true to his own principles more than ever before.
So we've established that he is distinctly human, but what about his identity as a fox? In reality, following his heart is an act of honouring his original identity as a fox too. His natural instincts as a fox have always been to care. He never needed a reason, because humanity has always been a part of him. The ability to care and to love is not something that is only restricted to one group of people. In fact, this broadly applies to any traits in general.
Why protect this flower? He didn’t know. Not from meddling curiosity, nor from pity, but because he had injured it. (6* Card 长风吹彻)
It’s human to feel emotions, and it’s also human to rationalise reason. However, reason requires conscious thought, while emotions are purely instinctual. People don’t know why they feel the way they do towards something or someone, because feeling is naturally part of their humanity, whereas rules are merely socially constructed. People deny their humanity when they create boundaries that divide groups apart. People deny their humanity when they suppress their emotions. People deny their humanity when they don’t listen to their heart, keeping it bound by rules. To live is to listen to your natural instincts and follow your heart, because that also means accepting yourself as a human being.
The Humanity of a Fox: Qi Sili (Sariel) Character Exploration
This is the first time I'm posting on Tumblr in my entire life. I know there is barely a global Light and Night community and that virtually no one will read this but I wrote this out of pure love and passion haha (if anyone does actually read this post, I hope you have an amazing day, week, month, year, and that your gacha pulls are blessed). I've only started playing this year and have only read around the first year or so of content so my understanding may be outdated, and everything written here is my personal interpretation.
Translation for the quotes are all by @aishangotome ♡
PART 1: THE PAST
As someone who was born and lived hundreds of years as a fox before taking on a human form, Qi Sili had to learn and adapt to human behaviour. He was puzzled by all of the unwritten social rules and expectations that humans created for themselves and had to abide by for seemingly no reason other than to fit in. What was the purpose of all of these rules? What was the purpose of war, and what was the purpose of him being summoned to lead these humans into battle? So what, just because he was told that fighting in war was his life mission granted by the gods, he would simply accept it? No. Qi Sili has always been seeking for an underlying purpose to people’s actions, trying to make sense of why people do the things they do. He needs a solid reason to be able to accept something.
Human behaviour is confusing, but their reasons for waging war are also straightforward.
They want to own the land, so they build high walls. They want to go to more places, so they continuously wage wars. Once understood, humans aren’t difficult to comprehend. (6* Card 长风吹彻)
However, this straightforward line of reasoning still isn’t convincing enough to explain why people wage war. It doesn’t answer a few questions, such as, do humans really find satisfaction in endlessly conquering land, instead of prioritising human lives? Do humans really feel victory through defeat? Qi Sili experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows of humanity on the battlefield, witnessing friends who initially vowed to never kill ending up with blood on their hands. His friends didn’t feel victorious after killing; instead, he was witnessing them lose their liveliness with each life they took.
This was the first time I understood the difference between victory and defeat, life and death. Humans could not feel victory through defeat, but they could feel life through death. (6* Card 长风吹彻)
Killing people never evoked joy, but witnessing death brought feelings of grief, loss, and devastation. Human reaction to death reminded Qi Sili of how full of life his fellow soldiers were before they entered war. He didn’t want them to further lose their humanity and become a shell of who they once were. Instead, he wanted to protect these fragile, yet precious, hearts of human beings.
It’s precisely because he isn’t human, that he felt the responsibility to preserve others’ humanity. He viewed himself as a separate entity from other humans, therefore he took it as his duty to protect them by sinning in their place instead. For someone who has always been searching for a purpose, he immediately adopted this as his ultimate purpose in life. The problem is, he wanted to do this because he cared deeply for them. This fox had also learnt how to feel emotions, just like humans.
He only wished that these men wouldn’t lose all traces of themselves. If someone had to kill, he would be that person. If someone had to die because of it, he would be that person too. He would bear the weight of those sins, one by one, throughout his long life, until he was no longer himself. (6* Card 长风吹彻)
Everyone else around him eventually died, but he was immortal. As the sole survivor, he was the only one that could carry memories of his fallen comrades into the future, carry the weight of their sins, and fulfil the wishes and desires that they never got to see to themselves. He carried out these duties, ultimately fulfilling the purpose he was always searching for, but now he was left with a void of emptiness. A life without purpose wasn’t worth living, but as an immortal being, he couldn’t even die, no matter how hard he tried to.
Just like the soldiers he was committed to honouring who felt life through death, he felt the same pain thousandfold, and the source of this pain was his emotions. He may have originally been a fox, but what makes someone uniquely human? Their ability to feel emotions, whether it’s the pain of death, or loving and caring for others. This fox had also become a human, but he didn’t want to accept it. Human emotions were simply too painful to bear.
When he first took human form, Qi Sili thought the royal city was much more interesting than Mount Kunlun. People cried when they were happy, cried when they were sad, laughed when a new life arrived, and drank and made merry when someone departed. How strange. Once he understood them, he would feel these emotions too, he thought. He learned quickly. It wouldn’t be long. Qi Sili didn’t know that when that day came, he would wish he was still an ignorant fox. It was too late. A beast turned human could never go back. (6* Card 长风吹彻)
Since he couldn’t die even after multiple suicide attempts, he resorted to what seemed like the next best solution: escaping pain by chasing pleasure. In fact, his extreme sense of responsibility was so burdensome that it led to no sense of responsibility at all. By endlessly gambling and drowning his sorrows in alcohol, the pleasure he gained was through numbing his painful memories and emotions, bringing him to feel closer to death. However, these impulsive, hedonistic actions still never satisfied him, because they didn’t bring him purpose.
No matter how he tried to stimulate his senses with sights, sounds, smells, and tastes, they slipped away like running water, unable to linger in his empty heart for even a moment. (6* Card 见见春天)
He couldn’t continue with this unfulfilling lifestyle, so he felt like he needed to find something to be responsible for again. Perhaps abandoning his past and forging a new direction in life could bring him the sense of purpose he had lost… which brought him to pursuing fashion design.
PART 2: THE FUTURE
Perhaps I could create a brand, one that had nothing to do with the Qi Sili of the past, one that belonged solely to the new me. I named this brand Vesi. It represented not just new life, but also a sense of hope and longing. (6* Card 触目如故)
Qi Sili believed that the way to moving on was forgetting about the past. Seemingly, the more he moves forward, the more distant he can grow from his past. His newfound sense of responsibility is observed by him living a minimalistic and ascetic lifestyle, eating a simple and clean diet, and not overindulging in temporary pleasures like he used to. Forgetting his past is like following a ray of light, giving him hope for the future.
“Life itself is inherently unfair. Everything will have a result you have to accept. Surviving isn’t about redemption or reconciliation, but about forgetting.” (Main Story 7-21 Night Ending)
Notice how he says surviving, though? To survive is to forget, but is he really living? While losing his memories, he has also been degenerating and getting closer to death, yet he finds comfort in that. The ray of hope that he has been following is just leading him closer to his demise.
Despite this, he does indeed have a new sense of responsibility, which is reflected throughout his philosophy as a designer. He has maintained his strong sense of individualism and encourages the same freedom of expression in everyone else.
“Fashion is not for the purpose of standardising aesthetics or creating divisions between people, but rather to enable everyone to face themselves squarely and accept themselves. Everyone has the freedom to become themselves." (Main Story 1-01)
It’s ironic of him to say this though, because as someone who’s constantly running away from his memories, his pain, his emotions, and consequently his humanity, has he ever faced his true self yet? And as much as he advocates for freedom of expression, he also criticises MC’s designs for being too imbued with personal emotions to the point they lose their functional value.
“I don’t know why the personal emotions are so strong that it loses its significance as a hat itself.” (Main Story 1-16)
While he has always been interested in human emotion, he now believes that emotions hinder function. In the past, his strong emotions caused his hedonic downfall to the point where he was unable to function, so now he believes that emotions cannot exist healthily on their own apart from functionality. Yet again, this shows he has still not completely moved on from the past.
“Good works are a combination of function and aesthetics.” (Main Story 5-03)
He also believes that designers should be guided by function, manifesting in a distinct purpose. This purpose serves as an overarching structure that imposes limits so that one doesn’t impulsively follow their whims, emotions, or heart, at any given moment.
“The most important thing for a designer is to know why they are creating. Rather than daydreaming all day, thinking about how you can soar higher, perhaps you’d be better off first learning how to walk.” (Main Story 1-16)
Yet again, he continues to project his past experiences onto the future, since his past impulsive actions that were a result of running away from his heart left him devoid of purpose. Now he encourages emotional expression after functionality is guaranteed, showing that he at least is not completely dismissive of emotions, but this newfound purpose is still limiting the depths of his heart. He is still suppressing his emotions and consequently, himself.
Now, what does he mean by the idea that a designer should know the reason why they are creating? How exactly can a designer discover their purpose? In his eyes, purpose now means doing what feels right to an individual. He has always been individualistic, with all of his values stemming from his own heart, regardless of what other people think. He has always made sense of humans with his own reasoning, staying true to his own beliefs. Therefore, it makes sense that he encourages people to do what feels right to them, because he has always done the same.
However, this is again incredibly ironic because this mindset is actually limiting him. Remember how when he was first assimilating to human life in the past, he was puzzled by the seemingly meaningless rules and structures that humans would impose on themselves and others? He is now also one of those puzzling humans creating pointless rules and structures for himself thinking that it’s serving a higher purpose, when all it’s really doing is confining the extent of his heart. He continues to deny his humanity while being the complete embodiment of a human being.
He also claims that discovering this purpose, which entails knowing what feels right, comes from extensive experience.
“Designers create beauty to emotionally connect with the audience. But this beauty cannot exist apart from experience.” (Main Story 5-03)
He’s giving this advice to junior designers, those who have only just begun their professional career. There are people who copy his designs, and he discourages this behaviour because he believes that what feels right to someone is personal to every individual, meaning that people shouldn’t merely imitate someone who’s extremely experienced either. But where are they going to get this experience from, if they cannot start without experience? Maybe he has gotten it all reversed. Maybe people learn how to walk by following where their heart leads.
This is not to say that his long life experience of over three thousand years is not useful in any way. After all, he is a world-renowned fashion designer who creates works of beauty that are both functional and expressive, highly resonating with the public. Why do his creations resonate with people’s hearts, though? Through his wealth of experiences, he pours his endless encounters with humanity into his designs. This touch of human emotion is precisely what underlies the beauty of his designs.
I began my attempt to become an ordinary tailor. I poured everything I saw, all the dreams and stories others shared with me into my sketches, then brought them to life one by one. (6* Card 触目如故)
Now, let's take a couple steps back. Why would he choose to become a fashion designer in the first place, out of all the possible paths he could have taken? War and fashion design seem like they have nothing in common. They could even be considered complete opposites, as war involves death, while design involves creation, so becoming a fashion designer is akin to a rebirth for him. But for Qi Sili, these two fields are distinctly related, and are actually very similar. I absolutely love the quote below because I think it beautifully and ingeniously sums up his character in three sentences.
“When it comes to creation, the world often only cares about the result, but the path to that result is often fraught with thorns. Embarking on it will leave you bloodied, and completing it might leave you scarred. However, pure ‘beauty’ is often born from this bloodshed, so there’s nothing to fear.” (Main Story Chapter 1 触摸光芒)
This quote has multiple levels. On the broader surface level, it describes design as the aforementioned ‘beauty’ after the bloodshed. Design was the catalyst that allowed him to seemingly move forward from his past. However, on a deeper level, this quote also separately encompasses both the experience of war and the process of design, heavily paralleling each other in his experiences. In war, the ‘beauty’ after the bloodshed was the emotion he witnessed. The pain that was felt after death showed that people still cared deeply about each other. In design, the ‘beauty’ after the bloodshed is also emotion. People's dreams, stories, and experiences may have been difficult to bear, but they get to be brought to life and appreciated by other humans through works of art. Once again, what ties war and design together is emotion, and most importantly, they are threaded together by Qi Sili’s own humanity.
This parallel of war, which represents his past, and design, which represents the future, continues to show that while he believes he is moving forward, he still hasn’t actually moved on from his past. He has always been bringing to life the dreams of other people, first by fulfilling the wishes of his dead comrades after war, and secondly by breathing life into the stories of others through his designs. He heavily values individualism, and yet his purpose has always been tied to other people; honouring their hearts, but neglecting his own. He has made it to the future, yet he still doesn’t accept himself as human.
He has always been trapped in the illusion of moving on, stuck in an endless cycle of trying to discover a grander purpose and constructing a greater meaning, unable to realise that he’s still stuck in the past, chasing the future, and consequently losing sight of what’s right in front of him: the present moment.
PART 3: THE PRESENT
Qi Sili wants to move forward, but he wants to do this without change. He began to hate the idea of change after constantly witnessing his friends enlist and never return. If there was a way he could prevent these inevitable losses and allow things to always stay the same, he would. But the only thing that’s unchangingly guaranteed in life is death. It’s hard to control or convince other people who are all brimming with their own stubborn individuality, so the only thing he could do is hold this standard towards himself. He is also someone who is stubbornly individualistic. Just like the people from his past, he also refuses to change. Maybe it’s not out of his own individualism, but rather that he is still being led by other people’s agendas instead of following his own.
“There are plenty of people in the world who change. No need to look to me for that.” (6* Card 触目如故)
For this reason, it’s easier for him to not care about anyone. If he didn’t care about anyone, he wouldn’t have to experience the pain of losing them. If he had no one to lose, he wouldn’t be overwhelmed by his emotions. He has become emotionally reserved, cold and distant, someone who finds it easy to bluntly deliver harsh criticism but hesitant to be openly direct about his personal feelings. But deep down, he is still lacking the sense of purpose he has always been searching for.
If one day he woke up and there was no one left in the world that he cared about, would that still be considered living? (6* Card 触目如故)
Changes slowly begin to occur when he finds himself caring for MC. His heart can’t help but be swayed because his emotions have never disappeared, no matter how hard he tries to suppress them.
Qi Sili and MC have several different relationship dynamics with each other: immortal and human, idol and fan, mentor and student, boss and subordinate, gege and meimei. In each of these dynamics, he holds the position of authority. However, as observed by his extremely personal and biased views towards design, his views are not correct or incorrect, because they aren't objective truths. They are just as subjective as anyone else's regardless of their age, status, or quantity of life experience. Many of his views stem from beliefs that leaves him trapped in the past, and the MC, who presents an opposing outlook, adds infinite value to his life and expands his worldviews. Even though he has lived so much longer than her and has significantly more life and professional experience than her, there is still so much to learn from her, so much more to experience with her. She adds value to his life because the individual experience cannot merely be quantified by time, and striving towards her allows himself to break out of his self-sabotaging time loop. They both add value to each others’ lives because they stay open-minded towards each other’s differences, and yet they don’t have to be confined by labels such as immortal-human or mentor-subordinate, because rather than merely being different, they also recognise that they are fundamentally on the same level: simply human beings who are learning from and experiencing new things with each other every day.
Qi Sili has always hated unnecessary social constructs. He has never believed in these boundaries and labels created to divide people, the same type of meaningless rules and structures that lead to war. This individualistic mindset causes him conflict within his own Spirit Clan because he isn’t supposed to be so close to humans, but he doesn’t care. He has his own principles that he’ll always abide by.
“It’s ridiculous to differentiate lives based on race to begin with.” (6* Card 长宵无觅)
However, MC later finds out she’s from the God Clan. Qi Sili has never believed in gods, and this links back to why he was summoned to become a war general among human beings in the first place. As a fox, he was chosen by gods to go into battle because he was a spiritual being with strength and talent that most humans could not match. War was posed to him as his life mission, his true purpose. In reality, he struggled to understand the purpose of war, and why he needed to fulfil this duty when it wasn’t something he chose of his own volition. The control the gods seemingly had over his destiny only led to feelings of disdain. He never even believed in gods in the first place, despite being told they exist and were supposedly in control of his fate. Perhaps it’s because believing in gods is supposed to provide purpose to one’s life, but war did not bring him a sense of purpose; it emptied him of it.
His love for MC aligns with his love for humans, but his skepticism towards deities clashes with her identity as a god. His love for her doesn’t falter, though. On the contrary, his love gradually overpowers his sense of reason. He becomes so concerned for MC’s safety that he finds himself wanting to pray to the gods that he never even believed in to keep her safe. By letting himself care for someone else, he is ultimately caring for himself.
Qi Sili suddenly really wished to pray to the gods. For someone who hasn’t believed in gods at all, can they give him a single chance? He wanted to tell them that he regrets it now. He’s willing to believe in the presence of gods. He, too, wanted a good ending. (Main Story 13-23 Light Ending)
The unfortunate matter about loving a human as an immortal, though, is that he will outlive her and again suffer the pain and grief that he is incredibly used to but has always tried to avoid up until this point. It would require him to break down the barriers he has placed around his heart, leaving himself vulnerable to his own emotions. For the past three thousand years, Qi Sili has always been seeking purpose to his long and painful existence. But what’s the point of life if he cannot love? What’s the point of living if he feels comforted by death? The sense of purpose he rekindled through fashion design only allowed him to get back up and survive, but it hasn’t allowed him to truly live. What happens when he finds himself falling in love? His sense of purpose becomes shattered because he finds himself irrationally following his heart for no greater reason.
Perhaps this is what it means to change: listening to his own emotions without needing a reason, letting go of his incessant need to be passively guided by a grand purpose, and actively following his own heart wherever it takes him for the first time in his life. This is different from when he fell into hedonistic addictions in the past, because instead of upholding other people's wishes, he is finally prioritising his own.
Sometimes, you just had to follow your heart and do things that didn’t seem to make sense. No need for a reason, no need to care about what others thought. Because the reason was simply four words. I just like it. (Main Story Chapter 5 盛夏清味)
Love is an active choice that he’s finally willing to make not because it’s easy, but because it’s worth it to him. When choosing to love MC, he will experience loss and pain through her fleeting existence, but human emotions are the essence of living. This includes the joy, the despair, and everything in between, and he’s willing to experience these feelings in the name of love. Progress can only be achieved by breaking the cycle, and this involves taking the difficult path of love if it makes life worth living.
For Qi Sili, love is not only caring about another person. It’s about accepting his emotions, and accepting himself as a human being because he has emotions. This character development softens his individualism by opening his stubborn heart to change, yet it doesn’t compromise his individualistic traits, instead strengthening and reinforcing them. He isn't abandoning his principles, because he is actually following and staying true to his own principles more than ever before.
So we've established that he is distinctly human, but what about his identity as a fox? In reality, following his heart is an act of honouring his original identity as a fox too. His natural instincts as a fox have always been to care. He never needed a reason, because humanity has always been a part of him. The ability to care and to love is not something that is only restricted to one group of people. In fact, this broadly applies to any traits in general.
Why protect this flower? He didn’t know. Not from meddling curiosity, nor from pity, but because he had injured it. (6* Card 长风吹彻)
It’s human to feel emotions, and it’s also human to rationalise reason. However, reason requires conscious thought, while emotions are purely instinctual. People don’t know why they feel the way they do towards something or someone, because feeling is naturally part of their humanity, whereas rules are merely socially constructed. People deny their humanity when they create boundaries that divide groups apart. People deny their humanity when they suppress their emotions. People deny their humanity when they don’t listen to their heart, keeping it bound by rules. To live is to listen to your natural instincts and follow your heart, because that also means accepting yourself as a human being.

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HELLO ?!
Their anniversary card arts are always beautiful
[CN] MLQC Lucien’s Because of Love MQ translation(2/4)
⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️
This post contains a detailed spoiler for a date that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~
✧ Because of Love | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
Be it 20% or 10%; even if only a faint 1% glimmer of possibility- at this moment, I greedily hope that tomorrow can be that one luckiest day of ours.
Translation under the cut!
[CN] MLQC Lucien’s Because of Love MQ translation(4/4)
⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️
This post contains a detailed spoiler for a date that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~
✧ Because of Love | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
We run on the grass like two children, holding onto the string, tugging and pulling it together—
The kite finally soars into the sky.
Translation under the cut!
[CN] MLQC Lucien’s Because of Love MQ translation
⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️
This post contains a detailed spoiler for a MQ that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~
✧ Because of Love | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
"But the weather forecast says it’ll be rainy in Loveland City for the next few weeks, so what can we do?"
"Maybe we could make a few teru teru bozu and hang them up?"
"It’s over. All the rationality and logic of my great scientist have slipped away. That won't do, I've got to catch them and bring them back."
"Just let them go. Right now, all I want is to have a sweet dream with you."
Translation under the cut!

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[CN] MLQC Lucien’s Because of Love MQ translation(3/4)
⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️
This post contains a detailed spoiler for a date that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~
✧ Because of Love | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
I move forward to meet him, embracing him tightly in my arms.
"Fool."
Scent of rain-drenched grass wraps around me, welling in my eyes and seeping into my heart, moistening them both.
Translation under the cut!
[CN] MLQC Season 2 Chap 69 (Kiro's Part) (1/2)
🌸 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date that hasn't been released on the EN server yet! 🌸
[Note: This was translated with the help of Google Translate :>]