Root And Rock

"What happened with XYZ project?" an ask asked. I reflexively deleted it out of shame and disgust and fear.

It doesn't matter what project "XYZ project" is in this case, because the answer is actually the same for all of them.

I would hit a place in my life where I was in a good stride, and feeling positive about the world. Stable financially, stable socially, stable in my relationships. And then, inevitably, someone would do something to undo every bit of that stability.

I learned to fear trying to do anything because I knew it would call down an air strike. TW: Uh... y'know... mental health and emotional stuff stated in a very frank way.

I grab it by the metaphorical hair and hold its face under the softly rippling surface of the town square fountain, cooing a soft "shhhh" over the initial splashing.

I haven't managed something significant every day but I have managed "something" every day. Usually progress on embroidery or crochet (robe and altar cloth respectively). Sometimes it's cleaning and organization. Sometimes it's taking offerings and harvesting bits and bobs.

I'm going to step up my game (so to speak). Today I crossed every "to do" off of my fridge list and am now typing up modified habit trackers for daily, weekly and monthly tasks. My goal is to be full clearing those lists by the end of the month, with no leftovers and no "it can wait."

I'm making new inserts for my fauxdori journal. I also got myself a lovely folder that holds old inserts, so I have somewhere better to store my "BOS" notes as they get filled up.

In all honesty I am fighting my way back from a very bad place. A place that was so bad that I didn't realize how bad it was until I was a couple of years removed from it. I need to thrive again.

The goal I have for the next six months is outmanoeuvring the part of my brain that says "It doesn't feed me dopamine so I'm not doing it." And, yes, it's also the part of me that has slowly been gaining weight.

Quite frankly: I do not give a single, solitary, fleeting, indo-pacific pygmy goby lifespan of a fuck about societal "standards" of beauty or weight or what other people think about my appearance - be it positive or negative. This is not about that.

Body positivity is beautiful, and I'm absolutely positive that my body hurts. Weight leads to pain, pain leads to being sedentary, being sedentary leads to weight. Weight, as you may have read previously, leads to pain.

Grabbed a pack of Apples To Apples Jr. to use for craft purposes a while back, and I had a day fully and completely "off" due to tripping over kudzu on a walk and bruising my everything, so today felt like a good craft day. As a joke I shuffled the cards before I got to work and tossed some down.

"Sick Day", "Gross", "A Broken Leg"

It took a while to figure out how Filet/fillet crochet was supposed to work, but it's easy enough once you get the hang of it.

Ignore the little pointy bits. I blocked it out a little too tight to correct some warping. This was done in number 10 off-white cotton thread with a 1.25mm hook.

A tip for anyone considering using it: Soak it thoroughly. Let it sit to rehydrate. Rinse the hell out of it with cold water. Let it sit to air dry, no heat! Wait until it is fully dry!!! Pull out all of the threads on one axis first, then the other. Don't even bother using tweezers - go straight for the needle nose pliers.

The stitching turned out beautifully, but the lining made it a little warm (and my waistline has grown which made keeping it closed a chore. I really need to trim down so things I love fit again). And naturally I forgot to add the belt loops...