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Love and Deepspace (4 fics)

Call of Duty (1 series)

Supernatural

  John hadn’t seen much of you these past three days. Since the whole Christopher Stone questioning event, you’ve mostly made yourself scarce. 

  There wasn’t much he could say about what had happened after the whole thing. Colonel Green walked in, making up a bullshit excuse to take you out so that Stone wouldn’t pick up on the fact that you weren’t supposed to be in there. Then, you left. Not just the room with Stone, but the observation room as well. Green had tried saying something to stop you, but you didn’t even look at him. He followed you out. John had tried to get more information from Green, but he just dismissed him and kept walking away. 

  That night, John dedicated it to trying to figure out what was going on. He called Laswell, asking as many questions as he could to try and figure out why it mattered to you so much what that asshole thinks about omegas. John is sure you’ve gotten numerous cocky alphas who’ve said the same thing to you, maybe worse. You’re a highly skilled omega in an alpha dominated field, hunting down enemies who also tend to be alphas. Obviously, there was something different about the way Stone said it. You were expecting something else. John could tell. The look on your face wasn’t horror or fear, it was confusion. 

  Laswell wasn’t able to give him much. She basically just told him everything she had told him the day he signed the papers. He tried to dig into Green’s background, but there was absolutely nothing that could give him any hint as to what happened. He’s just your typical Colonel, nothing special about him. He’s so normal it’s borderline concerning.

  After the night had passed, John asked Laswell to figure it out. Pull her strings. She had started to tell him she couldn’t, but John pulled out one of those hundred ‘I owe you’ moments they have between the two of them, which the two rarely do. John knew what he was asking her to do. The strings she’d be pulling were locked behind bars, in hiding, ect. It was illegal, to say the least. However, it was for you, and John would ask her to do a lot worse if he needed to. And she understood that. So, Laswell told him she’d start figuring things out.

  John had already had breakfast with the guys. They were off to training, but he couldn’t do that just yet. Instead, he was sitting on the couch, waiting to hear your door open. 

  Today is supposed to be your first meeting with the new omega specialist. Green had told him to basically just make sure you go. John had wanted to believe that you would go on your own, but on a normal day, you would’ve left your room an hour before any of them were having breakfast. Not only did John have to make sure you went, but he also got an email requesting he show up and take part in conversation for the first few minutes.

  As the clock ticked closer and closer to the meeting time, John reluctantly stood up. He did want you to have the choice to do this, but he also wanted you to try this out. It was the only healthy thing Green was having you do. 

  John walked over to your door, knocking a few times. After a few seconds with no answer, he said your name. It was a few seconds more before he heard the lock click.

  “You comin’?” He asked. The door opened.

  “Yeah, yeah, let’s go.” You muttered.

  John was nearly frozen for a second, because when the door opened, you didn’t have that mask covering your face. Your face was down and you were pulling it up, so it was covered before you looked up at him. But if John had wanted to, he could’ve just lowered his head and gotten a proper view of your face for the first time in a year. And he did want to. However, he couldn’t do that. It wouldn’t be right. He needed to give you your space, as much as he hated it.

  You walked forward, heading down the hall, past John and Simon’s offices and past the bathroom. John followed a few feet behind you. You two go through the laundry room, which has a door at the end that connects to the mini gym in the pack house. There is the backdoor, which is the closest door to the other building. The path to the building was very faint, but still able to be seen. The two of you got there in about two minutes, walking through the trees. As you approached it, you noticed another path, which probably led to the actual road on base. After all, the omega specialist had to get here somehow, and she didn’t come by the pack house to get here.

  The building was covered in greenery, but that didn’t mean much in terms of it being unused. After all, the pack house had greenery covering the outside walls as well, making it less visible from the sky above. John remembers walking by in the past and seeing the windows covered in dirt. The bench that sat on the patio would’ve been wrapped in vines, bugs crawling over it if you looked close enough. However, as you two walked closer, John noticed the bench was clean. A little wreath hung on the door. The windows were clean, and the one to the left of the door was even open. When he looked at the bay window to the right, he saw decoration inside. 

  You two walked in and there was immediately a desk. To the immediate right was a door. Right behind the desk on the left was another door, and then another across from it. The rest of this entry room seemed to be set up like a waiting room, which John assumed was for him. 

  What brought the most attention, however, was the lady sitting at the desk. She stood up as you two walked in, stepping out to the side of the desk.

  “Hello. I’m Dr. Anaka Brown.” She said, holding out her hand. John took notice of her shaking your hand first before going for his. As he shook her hand, he took in her appearance. Professional, but still opening. Her smile was soft and opening. She reminded him of his therapist. “Please, follow me.”

  She walked closer to the two of you and through the door to the immediate right. You paused, glancing back at the front door. For a second, John expected you to bolt. Then, however, you walked through, following behind Dr. Brown. John walked in right after.

  John thought that she looked like his therapist, this room sold that idea. This was the definition of a therapy room. Soft tone, comfortable couch with an arm chair across from it. There were a few paintings on the wall, along with a framed diploma. The floor was carpet, unlike the wooden floor in the entrance. There was even a hamster cage, which John could see had a hamster inside of it, currently eating it’s breakfast.

  “Feel free to take a seat, there’s a few things I want to discuss with both of you.” Dr. Brown was already sitting in the arm chair, already holding a pen and pad. John went ahead and walked forward. By the time he sat down, you were still looking around the room, taking it in. Your body was still right next to the door, hand not fully relaxed. John wouldn’t be surprised if you reached up, threw the door open, and ran out. However, you didn’t do that. Instead, you came over and sat on the other side of the couch. 

  ”Alright, to start off, I’m just going to explain who I am and what my purpose is here. As I said earlier, I am Dr. Anaka Brown. I studied human behavior at university, and specialized in omega behavior. As you may have noticed, I am not an omega. I will tell both of you now that I have a rare condition where I do not have any designation. Therefore, I don’t have any pack instincts or needs. Because of this, it was decided that I would live here on base to assist you with any of your needs. This building has basically been split in half. One side is where I will live, and the other is where we will meet for anything we need to do.”

  “The main reason I wanted to talk to both of you today is because of something Colonel Green informed me about. I normally wouldn’t be so direct, but I get the feeling both of you would prefer me to skip all the soft wording and get to the point. So, we are going to be discussing heats.”

  John noticed the way you tensed up slightly. He did appreciate Dr. Brown getting straight to the point. Attempting to soften the delivery by drawing it out for longer would’ve probably just gotten you more upset. 

  “To preface, I do not think it was a good idea to take you off of your suppressants. It was a foolish decision and obviously was not thought out. Now that I’m here, I’ve been put in charge of any medical decisions related to your status. Sadly, I am not allowed to reverse previous decisions, meaning I am not able to put you back on your suppressants.”

  “Now, I want to ask both of you if you have any plans on how to handle things once signs of preheat start to show up?”

  John waited for a moment to see if you’d say anything. Maybe you’ve been thinking about this, coming up with ideas. However, you stay silent, looking at the bookshelf and reading the titles. John focused back on Dr. Brown. There wasn’t much he wanted to say, but he also didn’t want to leave Dr. Brown hanging. As skeptical as he was of Colonel Green, Dr. Brown seemed to have genuine intentions here. 

  “Not my business. Unless it’s wanted, there’s no reason for me to step in.” John glanced at you, hoping to see some kind of reaction that would tell him if you agreed or not. You were the main focus here. It was your heat. What you wanted mattered the most, but it was a bit difficult if you weren’t giving them any clue as to what you wanted. 

  “I do understand that. I actually wanted to bring up an idea that I’ve had that might make the process a bit easier for everyone.

  “I agree. I actually wanted to bring up an idea that wouldn’t involve you.” Dr. Brown put the pad down and grabbed a book from next to her chair, flipping it open. “There have been many times where the safest option for an omega was to be sedated for their heat. Well, sedated is a bit of a strong word. Basically, you will be given a numbing agent that will make it so none of the intense physical feelings happen while the heat is going on. You will also be given a weak sedative that would basically just keep you confined to a bed to make sure the numbing works and also stop you from seeking out an alpha. There’s a few more specifics, but does this sound like something you’d be interested in?”

  Dr. Brown looked at you, but you didn’t say anything. John stayed quiet this time, knowing it wasn’t his place to speak up. Dr. Brown glanced at him, but he just looked back at you. She nodded.

  “Well, we can put that topic on the back burner until next week. I do want to shift to something else now, but for that I’m going to ask that it is only y/n in the room.” 

  John kept his eye on you, but you showed no reaction. He looked back at Dr. Brown, giving a nod.

  “ 'right.” He got up and headed for the door, looking back as he opened the door. “If you need me for any meeting later on, just drop me another email.” He looked at you. You were still looking at the bookcase. He decided against saying anything, not wanting to put you in a position where you felt obligated to respond to him. 

  John left the room and shut the door behind him. For a second, he debates on taking a seat in the little waiting area to wait for you. After all, his schedule was clear for the entire session. He pulls out his phone, checking for any notifications. Nothing. No one needed his attention right now. But in thirty minutes, you might. It was obvious you didn’t like being an omega, and the whole point of Dr. Brown was to get you used to being an omega again. This meeting could get to be too much for you, and he wants to be here for you, on the off chance that you’ll take the comfort he’s willing to offer. 

  So, John walks past the desk and sits down on the couch, reaching to grab one of the magazines. He flips through it as he waits for the meeting to come to an end.

  It’d been five minutes since Price left. Most of it had been filled with silence, except at the beginning when Dr. Brown tried to get you to ask you more questions about your new living situation and what it means for you being an omega. You didn’t want to talk about that. You didn’t want to talk about any of this. The way you see it, if you can just stay quiet this entire time, then maybe, just maybe, Dr. Brown will realize this is pointless and stop this whole thing.

  Of course, then she spoke again.

  “Alright, we don’t have to talk about that. We can get into the other reason that I’m here.” Here it comes. “We can talk about how you’re doing, outside of the whole pack situation.”

  Green had told you she was a licensed therapist. That’s actually how he had started the conversation with you. Said you should talk to someone, open up. You would never admit this out loud, but you genuinely did start to consider it. And then he said she would also be helping you with re-adjusting to being an omega. All the willingness disappeared instantly.

  You didn’t want therapy. You didn’t want to talk about what happened. There was no need to talk. Not when you already understand what happened. You’ve come to terms with it. You understand what you need to do and how you need to live to make sure something like that doesn’t happen again.

  “So, let’s start this how I would start with any other client. I am going to say now that nothing you tell me leaves this room. The only time I would ever tell anyone something you say is if I’m worried you might hurt yourself or someone else. This is a safe place for you to talk about anything you want, whether that be what you did today or something deeper. Does that sound alright?”

  You are not doing therapy. You keep your gaze straight, the same way it’s been since you sat down. 

  Dr. Brown gives it about thirty seconds before talking again.

  “You aren’t the first person I’ve met who didn’t want to talk about things. That’s okay, it’s completely natural. However, you should know that opening up doesn’t change anything about you. You’re allowed to talk, even if it feels like too much.”

  Not. Doing. Therapy.

  About a minute passes this time before she speaks.

  “Well, we don’t have to do anything big this session. Just showing up is a step in the right direction, and we can take this step-by-step.”

  Nope.

  Thirty seconds. This time, however, the silence was broken with a sigh.

  “I’ve seen your file. Normally, I wouldn’t look at something like that for a client, but since you’re also a patient, it’s necessary for me to do so. I know that you were gone for three months and when you were found you wanted absolutely nothing to do with a pack. I’m not here to force you back into pack life. I know that’s what it seems like since that’s exactly what’s being done to you outside of this office. It is not my ability to make what’s happening out there stop, but it is my ability to give you a space to talk about all of it and adjust much easier.”

  “My goal here is to help you realize that you don’t need to shut everyone out. I’ve met many different people, and many different packs. I’ve met people who’ve had to be separated from their pack. Normally, that causes tension on both sides, even the ones who appear happy. One side, maybe both, is resentful that the other left, even if it was unwillingly. They never look like people who didn’t separate.”

  “You look like that. Like you’ve had time away, like there’s some part of you that resents them, or at least wants to resent them. I don’t know why, and I’m not going to claim to know why. What I do know, however, is that you were the only one sitting on that couch with that look. Captain Price looks at you like you never left in the first place. He cares about you, and that care hasn’t wavered since you left them. He is someone you don’t have to shut out. You don’t have to put up a wall around him, and letting your wall down doesn’t make you lesser than who you are now.”

  You didn’t want to think about it. You didn’t want to think about how Price is being nice to you. Because then you might just start to think about how you could just be nice back. And then you might be nice back. Being nice back would only lead to the air between you two being relaxed, and then you’d end up relaxed with the whole pack. And just like that, you’re an omega in a pack again, just like you were before. Exactly what you don’t want. You don’t want that. You don’t want comfort. You don’t want care. You don’t want reassurance.

  You can’t.

  “...are we done?” You asked, keeping your voice still despite the bubbling panic rising in you. Just the idea of all this makes you feel shaken. Makes you feel like they’re about to pop up and take you back, make sure you aren’t ruining your progress. Their progress.

 “If you want to be.” 

  You did. You didn’t want to do therapy. Too many feelings.

  So, you stood up. Dr. Brown did the same thing. She didn’t step forward, instead staying in her spot.

  “I’ll see you again next week.” 

  You didn’t say anything. You walked towards the door and right out of it. Dr. Brown didn’t follow. You really did plan on heading straight for the door and walking right out. No need to linger where you don’t want to be. But then you felt eyes on you.

  So, you turned your head. And there was Price. He was sitting in what seemed to be set up to look like a waiting room. He was waiting. For you. 

  You never did more than just look at them, but for some reason, you gave a small nod in his direction, and he returned the gesture.

  You left the building, trying to avoid acknowledging the tiny part of yourself that was feeling some form of relief, even from just that small interaction. You couldn’t fall back into that, no matter how good it felt. It wouldn’t work out.

  You’d just ruin everything.

  “I’m not sure about all this. Perhaps it was too soon. Pushing them back into their pack, taking them off suppressants, having them meet with someone who is going to be specifically trying to get them to be an omega?”

  “It’s necessary. We need to test them, make sure they won’t break and give in.”

  “And if they do? All our progress will be wasted. We’ve spent so much time working on them. If they start getting close to the pack again, all our time would be worthless.”

  “No, it won’t. As I said, this is a test. Just because someone fails a test doesn’t mean the previous time spent learning is wasted. It just means they need to learn more.”

  “And how, exactly, are we going to make sure they learn more when their pack is right there? You really think that pack will make the same mistake again?”

   “I already have a plan. If I notice them getting too close, we’ll just take them again. And that’s a big if. They’re strong, believe me. They aren’t going to break.”

  With that, he hung up the phone. There was nothing more to say. He had you under control.