RiSKy

Livable wages

Affordable/free healthcare

Affordable housing

Affordable education

Sex education

Implying post-abortive people lacked “common sense” doesn’t do any good, and it does nothing to reduce abortion.

I’m married. I don’t want kids. I was using contraception when it failed and I had to get my second abortion. (The first one was 20 years earlier under different circumstances)

This notion of ‘no sex before marriage ’ is very closely linked to the ‘all married people want children!’ idea that is the reason I can’t get sterilised.

No sex before marriage also completely disregards anyone who is not heterosexual. Or indeed ‘outside the norm’ as many places won’t even allow marriage between people who are not straight or not cis.

Abortions will always be needed until such a day as there is no violence, coercion, force, guilt or shame levelled against anyone with a uterus…and that there is a 100% safe effective contraceptive with no side effects available freely to all….and that society helps those less fortunate instead of shaming them…and that no pregnancy ever goes wrong, and that ectopic pregnancies never happen….

When you teach abstinence, you’re not teaching about different birth control methods which as @thecrazygeek-rant pointed out even married couples use contraceptives cause not all married couples want children right away or at all.

Additionally, for teenagers and young adults who don’t wait (cause a lot of them don’t), they are going into sex with incomplete or inaccurate information. My sex Ed class taught us that condoms have a high failure rate and don’t stop AIDS or STDs, so not a lot of people at my high school used condoms.

Now as for “you’re ending a life” the same can be said for taking antibiotics, male ejaculation, eating literally any food it all comes from some form of life. Even if you didn’t end many varieties of life daily, abortion would still not be ending a life.

In countries where abortion is legal, the point at which life begins has been scientifically tested and agreed to be when there is brain function. Until that point, what you have is not a baby but a parasite incapable of survival independent of the host body. 20 to 35 percent of babies born at 23 weeks of gestation survive, while 50 to 70 percent of babies born at 24 to 24 weeks survive.

There for even at the point where a life can be scientifically said to exist, the chances of survival outside the host body are slim but improve rapidly as the now baby’s brain takes control of It’s bodies functions.

Next let’s address your seeming belief that rape is the only way to experience an unwanted pregnancy, which is just asinine. Contraceptives are not 100 percent effective and can fail, lack of sexual education can lead young people to be totally ignorant of the potential consequences of sex and yes rape happens too. There are many ways to gain an unwanted pregnancy, not just rape.

Now your assertion that only unwanted pregnancies as a result of rape should be eligible for abortion, this might just be the easiest part to refute. All women should have the right to bodily automomy, it is for each individual woman to decide for herself whether or not to abort unwanted pregnancies. No uterus, no say. As a man I could schedule myself for a vasectomy any time I want, but women are literally turned away and denied procedures that would make pregnancy impossible because they hypothetically might marry a man who wants to have kids. That is not right, that is why feminists like myself fight for total bodily autonomy for all women.

Lastly and most foolishly you say that “feminists make abortion seem great and everyone should get one” and you’re hilariously almost right. Abortion is fantastic, it’s a harm free, scientifically backed medical procedure which allows women to avoid unwanted pregnancy and all the life changing, body altering effects of it. Every woman who wants an abortion should get one, from the woman who was beaten and raped, to the teen who had a condom break and even the partier who got drunk and made a bad decision.

EVERYONE👏WHO👏WANTS👏AN👏ABORTION👏SHOULD👏GET👏ONE👏

One of my best friends, despite having a medical condition that makes pregnancy dangerous for her, has been repeatedly denied a tubal ligation by both doctors and her insurance because she is ‘too young’ and doesn’t have children.

Hardly anyone is going to do that. You can’t even get people to wait for marriage to have sex much less never have sex when they are fertile.

I think we’re past the point of expecting anti-choicers to be practical.

It really depends on what you choose to do with your atheism.

Atheism only defines/describes one belief, so there are definitely atheists in this world who should NOT be proud(ie. Bad people).

However, because atheism IS such an open title/belief it is really easy to see how many opportunities it gives you.

Being an atheist means you dont believe a god exists, which also means you dont believe a god is in charge of everything. This allows you to take responsibility. Take responsibility of your own circumstances. Take responsibility over what you do to the planet. Take responsibility and recognition over the good you do. Take responsibility of the bad, which makes one want to fix it more. There also is no forgiveness from a god, which can have some negativity to it, but it also helps you take responsibility and want to grow more.

You can also be proud of simply breaking stereotypes and being brave enough to step out, speak out, and be open with your atheism. Being an atheist is not really accepted right now, but we can change that. There is certainly nothing specifically shameful about atheism, yet were taught that there is. So the pride combats that.

Plus you can simply be proud of the fact that you FOUND what you believe in. Or that you got to develop your own beliefs that go along with it(in religions you typically get a list of beliefs that you are to follow)

There is a lot more to it, but those are the big ones off the top of my head.

A few days ago it was announced that Scarlett Johansson would be playing the lead role in a movie about Dante “Tex” Gill, a transmasculine individual who ran a series of massage parlors. Not surprisingly, a number of prominent trans folks in media - including Trace Lysette, Jamie Clayton, Jen Richards, and others - expressed their frustration with the casting decision. Johansson’s dismissive response only added salt to the wound: “Tell them that they can be directed to Jeffrey Tambor, Jared Leto, and Felicity Huffman’s reps for comment.”

Rude.

Trans folks have been criticizing these casting choices for years, but Hollywood continues to put cis-folks in these roles. And while on the surface it seems like an easy problem to dismiss, the issue is multi-faceted:

First, trans folks who are trying to make it in the world of entertainment often face real challenges in getting roles at all let alone roles that aren’t specifically trans roles. And major trans roles aren’t exactly commonplace, even as media representation has increased. Giving these roles to A-list cisgender actors/actresses only perpetuates those issues. As Meredith Talusan notes: “if trans people are not even deemed ‘qualified’ or ‘talented’ enough to portray their own experiences, it becomes impossible to envision a world where trans actors can be on equal footing with cis actors.”

There’s also this issue, which Jen Richards put so eloquently a few years back: “Cis audiences reward [cis actors/actresses playing trans characters] because they see being trans itself as a performance…when Matt Bomer plays a trans sex worker, he is telling the world that underneath it all, trans women like me are still really men.” Whether intentionally or not, having a cis-actor playing these roles can perpetuate that problematic perception and given that our legitimacy and rights are still in the midst of active debate - and that many people believe that transgender people are just “performing” - that’s a problem that goes far beyond the movie theater.

And the thing is, casting trans folks in trans roles can make for successful media - just ask Ryan Murphy and his latest efforts with Pose:

There are 140 trans actors and crew members on this show, and 35 L.G.B.T.Q. characters who aren’t trans…I would say nine out of 10 have never been in front of a camera, or been on a sound stage or directed. So, my job, when I was directing the pilot, was to explain: “O.K., this is what happens. You stand on this mark; this is where the camera is; don’t look in the lens.” It was very moving. But I adore these actors; they’re so talented. And all they needed was someone to say: “You’ve got something. You’re a star.”

Grey Rock is a method used when dealing with an abusive, manipulative or controlling person. I came across the term when learning about navigating my divorce with my ex, who is a narcissist. At some point, in some capacity we all have to deal with someone with a Cluster B personality disorder. (I.E. Narcissist, Borderline, Anti-social, and Histrionic) While it’s important to know how to avoid people with these disorders, it’s also important to know how to respond to them when we have to. That is where Grey Rock comes into play.

First of all, disengage. To the best of your ability. If you are capable of going no contact, that is the best course of action. While they will persist for a while, if they aren’t getting any supply, they will eventually move on in the vast majority of cases. Sometimes, no contact is really hard, it may mean changing jobs, but if you can make it happen, do so. Sometimes, no contact is impossible. Especially if you share children. 

The idea behind Grey Rock is to blend into the scenery. One grey rock in a portrait doesn’t draw a lot of attention. It’s boring, and a narcissist wants supply. It takes a great deal of self control, but it will save your sanity and you will find peace much faster. 

Whenever possible, prepare yourself before any interaction with the narc. You want to be as neutral as possible. Neutral does not mean submissive. (Which is hard for a lot of us) You want to be quietly firm, neither timid nor aggressive. Keep your tone of voice even and calm. If they start hurling insults or try to force an altercation.. keep thinking, I am a grey rock. What’s important for you to realize is that their thoughts about you have no effect on reality. It does not matter what they think or say. You know the truth, no one can change the truth. His opinion has no effect on you whatsoever. Remind yourself of that before meeting.

You want to say as little as possible. If you can manage the interaction without talking it will be best. They won’t always allow that, however you do not need to worry about pleasantries. Don’t ask how they are, this is not the time to bring up little Timmy’s dentist appointment, or ask if they have paid child support or anything like that. Those should be done strictly via email or text where there is proof of the exchange. (Though, it is never worth it to ask about child support, it just isn’t) When you do have to respond, do so with as few words as possible. It is perfectly reasonable to ask that the question be sent to you in an email. A statement such as “I am not able to discuss this now, please email me about ________.” It is a statement and not a question by the way. Don’t give them room for discussion. Again, a very flat and firm tone. Neither timid nor aggressive. If they ask how you are, you are fine. No attitude, no sincerity… just very flatly, fine. Do NOT say you are amazing, life is wonderful or anything like that. This gives them motivation to destroy whatever you may be happy about. 

When verbally attacking you doesn’t work, be aware they may try another approach. Appealing to your empathy. Give the same types of responses. If they can draw you in even momentarily, they will throw you off your game and you are again in a vulnerable position. So if they give you a sob story or seek sympathy from you. This is manipulative behavior. They are not victims. Keep it as short as possible. “I’m sorry you feel you were done wrong.” Be monotone. You don’t need to sound sincere. 

Try to make all interactions in a public place. If this is to exchange children, it is perfectly reasonable and ok to ask the exchange take place in a police station parking lot. Other options are gas stations, always park in view of a camera though. Walmart, and Target are both known to have their parking lots well covered Just make sure you park close to the entrance rather than far out. There are more likely to be people walking by. Those are also known as witnesses, narcs don’t like those, but they do behave better in front of them typically. If they engages and become belligerent and you remain calm… it will become very clear to those around who the real problem is, regardless of what he is saying. 

Don’t ever give more information than you have to. That includes personal info, as well as casual information. They can look up the weather on their own. Also do not tell them you are using grey rock. A grey rock does not tell anyone it is a rock. It just is. It sits there quietly. Telling them will cause them to feel you are attempting to manipulate them. (Projection) This could cause a very fast and drastic escalation. The idea is to de-escalate using this technique. 

Be consistent. They will eventually lose interest if they aren’t getting anything out of the exchange. They will first try to up the ante though, so that’s important to be aware of. They KNOW what buttons to push on you. Don’t let them. If you do, forgive yourself and keep moving forward. Learn from it and look for ways to prevent it from happening again. Realize this isn’t your fault. You did not create this monster, nor are you responsible for their behavior. For whatever reason though, they are in your life and if they can’t be removed you do have to find a way to cope with that in the healthiest way possible. 

Me: *standing outside waiting for my cab*

Strange man who is at least 1 foot and 100 pounds larger than me: *walks by*

Stranger: Mmmmm. I want to dip you in chocolate sauce and watch you shower it off.

Me: *continues reading my book while trying to pretend I didn’t hear him*

Stranger: Did you hear me, bitch? 

My cab: *pulls up*

Me: *walks away really fast to get into cab*

Stranger: *following me* Oh yeah, run away, I like that way better.

Dude I’ve been dating for like five seconds: “I’m a good guy. We can wait as long as you want to have sex. We’ll wait until you’re ready.”

~2 seconds later~

“You are going to be ready eventually though right?

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About three days after I got my nipples pierced I went over to hangout with this guy I’d been talking to and I’d told him ahead of time about the new piercings and how my boobs - esp. my nips - were off limits for playing and then reiterated it when we started sexyfuntime and he spent half the night playing with my nipples (which got infected the next day, which I am convinced is because of him) despite my repeatedly telling him not to.

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Slept with this same guy for awhile before I left for uni in Wales.

He told me he wanted to keep in touch. 

I didn’t really want to but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I said okay. He was pretty nice some of the time so whatever.

We talked for awhile and then we kinda just stopped talking because he was being kinda obsessive and scaring the crap out of me and wanted to know everyone I was sleeping with at school and it was all just making me really uncomfortable.

Then like eight months later he invented a fake tumblr and started sending me messages that were all about the sexual things he wanted to do to me (like these super elaborate sexual fantasies) - and, keep in mind, I thought this was a stranger, I didn’t know it was him - and then it finally came out that it was him and if that’s not fucking creepy as hell then you must be living in an actual real life horror movie.

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I go out drinking with my cousins (and my cousins’ friends) for St. Patty’s Day. We meet up with these guys who are pretty hot and it all gets flirty. I was very, very drunk.

We were all going to go to another bar together, but the one guy I’d been flirting with kinda pulled me away - and I was too drunk to realize it was happening - and my cousins and their friends all disappeared.

Dude gets me into a cab, starts unzipping my top and trying to sexyfuntime (read: assault) me despite me saying no and trying to push him off even though I was too drunk for it to make any difference.

Cab driver (also a man), instead of intervening, pulls over the cab and tells us we have to get out.

We do, then he says, “You gotta pay me!”

Dude who was assaulting me grabs my purse from me, takes my $100 in cash out of my wallet, and gives it to the cabbie. Who thanks him and drives away leaving me with this dude who was assaulting me.

So I literally paid to be sexually assaulted. That was cool.

________________________________________________________________

“What are you doing here? We broke up.”

“Yeah, I know, but I decided we were on a break instead. You didn’t really know what you were talking about. You didn’t actually want that.”

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I slept with one of my floormates my first year at uni (and he apparently neglected to tell ALL TWENTY OF US that he was in a relationship, but I digress). At the end of the school year his new girlfriend (not the one that I unwittingly helped him cheat on) came for a visit and we all went out drinking.

Another one of our floormates decided to tell her that dudebro1 and I had slept together at the beginning of the year and she FLIPPED.

*aftermath*

Dudebro1: If my relationship is ruined because of this I’m going to ruin your fucking life.

Me: I’m not even the one who told her!

Dudebro1: No, but you’re the one who slept with me so this is your fucking fault.

_______________________________________________________________

The three guys I lived with the next year - who had been floormates first year - then got to bear witness to dudebro1 maintaining that it was all my fault despite one of them having returned back to the dorm with me and a couple others about an hour before she even found out and pointing this out repeatedly. And they also witnessed him threatening me with physical violence - at multiple points.

These three guys then proceeded to invite dudebro1 over to our house all year long and seemed surprised every. single. time. I said that I was uncomfortable with it.

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I was out with a bunch of my friends and me and a guy friend of mine went to the bar to get drinks for everyone. Some dude came up and was flirting with me and hitting on me and I flirted back and he asked for my number and I gave it to him because he as nice and funny and cute (and do I even need an excuse? No I fucking do not - I can give my number to whomever I so choose) and then he left the bar because he and his friends were going to another place and whatever.

Guy friend I went to the bar with, completely seriously: You’re such a slut. At least make him work for it.

Another guy then came up a few minutes later and was super rude and gross and icky and he kept trying to hit on me and I finally turned to him and just went: “Nuh uh. No. Nope. Nada. No way. No.” He left in a huff.

Guy friend I went to the bar with, completely seriously: Wow. You’re such a bitch.

(He and I are no longer friends, btw.)

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Went downtown to a concert with some friends. We separated afterward and I hopped on the Metra to take the train home.

Some drunk guy got on the train and sat on the seat facing mine (despite the entire car being about ¾ empty). He starts talking to me. Asking me all these personal questions. Prying. Getting all up in my space.

Not a single person who was in the car got involved.

Then he asked me what stop I was getting off at. I hemmed and hawed and said something about “it’s awhile from now”.

When we got to the stop before my stop I got up and moved a few cars down and stood in the vestibule so I could see if this dude was following me or whatever. He didn’t. And when we got to my stop I got off - and there he was. All “no way, how funny, we’re in the same place!” 

We then went to the parking garage and I had the choice of climbing up stairs and getting in the elevator - knowing that it’s actually safer to be in an elevator than a stairway - I got on the elevator. He got on with me. I let him press the floor button first but, because the universe is a fucker, we were on the same floor.

We got off and he followed me to my car “on the way to his car’ still talking - despite having to continue all the way back around to near where the elevator was to get in his car.

The car he got in then proceeded to follow me around. At first I thought it was just coincidence (because that’s the kind of night it had been) but I took random turns and he kept following. I sped up and so did he.

And finally, scared fucking shitless, I pulled into the police station and he finally, finally drove off.

But holy fucking shit. I must have sat there for an hour terrified he was going to come back. Terrified to get out of my car and go inside because what if he was there waiting for me just out of sight? And oh my god. Holy fuck. 

Then I left the parking lot to go home and drove the most random, most winding way home to see if anyone was following me.

Thankfully, no one was. But I had nightmares for a month.

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Me: Can you please mix some drinks while I finish getting dinner on the table?

Dude I’d been dating for several weeks: Hell yeah! Now I can put a bunch of alcohol in yours so that maybe you’ll finally give it up.

I did not drink the drink. I did not give it up. A week later he raped me.

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I was standing outside my friend’s office building waiting for her - like right up against the wall of the building, waiting for her. And some dude comes walking down the sidewalk, looking at his phone, not looking around, and he walked RIGHT INTO ME and drops his phone and he like slams his fist into the wall right beside my head and goes “WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU MOVE WHEN YOU SAW ME COMING?!”

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AND THERE ARE SO, SO, SO MANY MORE.

Stop telling me ‘not all men’. I hear you. I believe with you. I agree with you. But also? Fuck you. 

Enough men. Efuckingnough men.

Because this is real life. This shit happens every single day. 

So do something about it. I don’t really care about your rap. I care about my safety. They’re more likely to listen to other men than they are to listen to me.

Today, the Supreme Court ruled to uphold President Trump’s “travel ban” (version 3) in a 5-4 ruling, and like with the Texas gerrymandering case and Masterpiece Cakeshop I’ve been deeply disappointed in the Court’s reasoning as well as their conclusions.

In today’s case the Court ruled that because the (watered down) third iteration of the Trump “travel ban” was “facially legitimate” based on evidence presented about national security concerns; that the (real) issues raised with Donald Trump’s clearly racist rhetoric, particularly during the campaign, were not relevant to conclusions about its constitutionality.

That seems strange, given that the Court only a few days before seemed to suggest that biased statements were a critical basis for deciding Masterpiece Cakeshop in the baker’s favor.

Justice Sonya Sotomayor called this out specifically in her dissent today:

“Just weeks ago, the Court rendered its decision in Mas­terpiece Cakeshop, which applied the bed­rock principles of religious neutrality and  tolerance in considering a First Amendment challenge to government action…Unlike in Masterpiece, where the majority consid­ered the state commissioners’ statements about religion to be persuasive evidence of unconstitutional government action the majority here completely sets aside the President’s charged state­ments about Muslims as irrelevant. That holding eroded the foundational principles of religious tolerance that the Court elsewhere has so emphatically protected, and it tells members of minority religions in our country “‘that they are outsiders, not full members of the political community.’”  

You can make all the arguments you want about national security and executive branch authority, but the fundamental contradiction here that biased statements matter, but only sometimes, sure undermines the authority of the Court in my eyes.

The Supreme Court has issued some tremendously important rulings that have led to major social changes for the better. But it’s also done some really remarkably awful things. Today, in his majority opinion, Chief Justice John Roberts, apologized for one of those awful decisions -  Korematsu v. United States, which upheld Japanese internment policy. While today’s decision to uphold the “travel ban” is no Korematsu, it will have a very real impact and it highlights some of the Court’s own systemic biases and those of the Chief Justice himself; as Adam Serwer from The Atlantic describes in a summary of a series of similar rulings: 

“As long as there is no clear evidence of an intent to discriminate, Roberts argued, discrimination has not taken place, no matter how obvious the impact.”

That’s bullshit, and the reality is that this case will affect many, as the ACLU notes:

Today’s decision is devastating. Whatever the court may have intended, the message it relays to Muslim communities around the country and around the world is that our Constitution tolerates transparent discrimination and animus against Islam. It undermines our standing to encourage tolerance and pluralistic democracy abroad, and it reinforces the intended message that Muslims — and immigrants, people of color, LGBT communities, and other marginalized groups — are not welcome in Trump’s America.

This was a high stakes decision and one of many recent ones (including yet another tomorrow) that show just how critical court appointments both at the Supreme Court and Federal level will be for years to come. And that point alone underlines why we all need to get out and vote in November.

But voting alone, working within the system alone, will not accomplish real change. There’s the oft-quoted Audre Lorde line (from an essay critiquing white feminism): “the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.” But a preceding line is maybe more instructive for activists:

It is learning how to stand alone, unpopular and sometimes reviled, and how to make common cause with those others identified as outside the structures in order to define and seek a world in which we can all flourish. It is learning how to take our differences and make them strengths.

In other news, fuck Mitch McConnell and his obstructionist bullshit, fuck Paul Ryan and his “That’s how you know we’re a real family here” crap, and fuck the fact that they’re getting rewarded for such underhanded, antidemocratic shit.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fourth_Geneva_Convention#Collective_punishments

and according to the exact legal phrasing-

No protected person may be punished for an offense he or she has not personally committed. Collective penalties and likewise all measures of intimidation or of terrorism are prohibited.