Local creature

men and women are not opposites. men and women are not enemies. men and women are two parts of a broad coalition which fights against a mutual enemy: inkjet printers

getting my brake lines fixed every time my wife cuts them is expensive but i dont mind atall. i love her

identifying a maladaptive coping mechanism is so bitter sweet like that’s great now i know what i need to stop doing. but that’s literally my something

this lamb keeps trying to sacrifice itself even though no one really needs or wants it to do that

one of us always eat hot chip and the other one always lies

Everybody in the club Yield to my will

If you were really my friend you’d do this highly unethical experimental surgery on me

time to make a post on tumblr. surely no one will interpret it to be as offensive and bad intentioned as possible.

fuckkkk my sacrificial lamb has started hanging out with the scapegoat

so you’re telling me that “stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni” would be like saying “wrote a G on his belt and called it gucci”

that’s…a pretty good analogy actually

Seeing my notifications get flooded with this every July 4th is the only thing I respect about America

also part of growing up is realizing that the embarrassing music you liked in your early teen years still goes hard as hell

The Clarifier would like to make just one more comment